Nothing To Prove

16 Literally Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Samantha

On the day we were supposed to go to Malibu, I started my period.

And by period, I mean mother nature was ripping my ovaries like a piece of paper in a shredder. I had cramps, I was bloated—oh, AND I had a cold sore on my lip. Yay me!

Luka had done my nails. As desired, they were long and painted nude, and—dare I say— sexy.

Except I couldn't wipe my butt, type, and every time I picked my nose, I'd remove a chunk of my brain instead of a booger.

Anyway, we arrived at the hotel at noon, packed just enough for a photoshoot. The location was a Californian dream. Marble floors stretched towards floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the ocean. The foamy waves crashed onto the shore as seagulls soared in the sky.

The skimpiest white bikini was waiting for me on the bed.

"THIS is what I have to wear in the pictures?" I picked up the small bottom. It was basically a thong! I was petite, but full in the boob and butt department, which would be something to celebrate if I wasn't covered in stretch marks, cellulite, scars, moles and hair.

"Oh, fuck no." Ashton lifted the bikini top with his finger. "Can't you wear something else?"

The hotel had gifted us a welcome basket with beauty products, champagne and candles. I picked up the note which said to enjoy and include them in the pictures.

"Whatever." I grumbled, grabbing the top from him. "Let's change and get this over with."

"Did you bring something to cover up with at least?" Ash followed me on my way to the bathroom—

Wow, it was bigger than our living room! An oval bathtub shone under a sunroof, a luxurious towel draped next to its gold faucet.

"The last apartment I lived in had cockroaches and mold in the bathroom." I laughed.

"Are you wearing something over that?" Ash blocked my view, jutting his chin at the bikini in my hands.

"This will barely cover my nipples." I held the top against my chest to study it.

"I know." He gritted. "That's why I'm asking."

"My ass will also be all out, jiggling and whatnot. There's really no coverage."

"Are you trying to piss me off?" He feigned curiosity. "Hm? Is that what you're trying to do? Because it's working."

"Oh, come on! It's not that bad."

~

I changed my tampon—accidentally pinching my vagina thanks to my nails—and put on the white bikini set. I tied a sheer pink wrap that covered me from my hips to my ankles with a side slit, then layered as much hair across my chest as possible.

I was filming myself as a warmup as I stepped into the main room. Ashton stood there waiting with the most upset expression. The disapproval hurt. I couldn't handle this right now.

"What are you doing? We have work to do." He scolded when I pulled out my weed pen from my bag.

I took a long drag and sucked it deeper into my lungs, then exhaled.

He scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Can you stop judging me?" I meant to sound angry, but the lump in my throat made it difficult.

"I'm not judging you."

I grabbed my purse and turned to leave. "Let's just get this stupid thing over with."