Little Girl Blue - 𝐖𝐋𝐖

𝐈𝐈. Pragma- ThirtyThree

It was slowly fading into fall. I had no idea where May had gone, when I had first been enraptured by the girl, and now it was the beginning of August.

The dew this morning beat my face red and sticky. It enhanced the puffiness of my cheeks and my darkened eyes. I hadn't gotten much sleep last night, or none at all. I went between having the blanket on my feet because it was too cold, then off, for it being too hot. Occasionally I'd reached to the bedside table where I picked up where I left off in the girl's cherished book, reading her annotations and tracing over the scribbles on the delicate pages. It's sweet perfume making my ache for her only grow.

By morning it was unbearable. I had to see her, something within me could no longer wait.

At eight I parked my car and by eight o'one I stood in the entrance of the local food mart. The smell of mist coming in from the produce and the fresh baked bread brought me sickeningly aware of my surroundings. The flickering fluorescent light above me feeling like a dark cloud.

Her back was to me, slouching and covered with a hoodie sizes too big. The hair that had been cut just past her ears was pinned modestly at her nape.

"Florence." The name got lost in the air, the sound of each syllable muting the bass in my voice. I shivered, the incoming draft snaking up my legs and grabbing me by the throat. I repeated so she could hear me and maybe for my sake, too. "Florence."

Her back perked up, body stiffening. I think a pen she might've been using dropped.  She whipped her head around, blinking as if she had seen something surreal. Maybe I was here, after all this time, maybe I wasn't. Maybe I had shown up to seduce her into my control and keep her captive forever...

Maybe, just maybe.

I was stuck too, not knowing what to say or what to do, just holding on to this space between us and whatever else I could grab in this void. A hug wasn't appropriate, a smile felt too deceiving and insincere. We just stood, both a blinking mess trying to snap ourselves out of this harsh reality.

Walking forward, my steps were wide and loud due to my soles getting wet on the walk in. Being as early as it was, the market was practically empty and the faint music in the background seemed to pronounce the silence. Her book was tucked into my inside pocket, pressed firmly along my thigh.

We met again. It had been a long month and it wore heavily on both of our faces. But here we were, face to face in what felt like a lifetime since the last time. Her eyes looked dreary and cold. I couldn't help but think how I had done that to her.

Taking a deep breath, I retrieved the book, "I thought you might want this." I didn't know what else to say. I was shaking and feeling like all the physical pain of yesterday returned. I covered my wrist, the one that was still bandaged, though my efforts were ineffective. She immediately gasped, reaching out to grab it. In that instant, a simple touch ignited everything we had endured this past summer. We let is pass, her stroking the limb and just barely holding onto my fingers.

Eventually her hand would retreat, taking the book with it. "You should go."

In an instant I knew this was when I would have to fight. looked around, trying to find an excuse, an explanation, something in my scrambled brain. I was never really good at apologizing and I certainly didn't like being desperate, "Florence I just—"

The look on her face was twisted. She had learned to resent me—quick. "What do you really have to say to me Jane? 'I fucked up', 'I was going through some things', 'I'm sorry'?" She scoffed, rolling the eyes that had increasingly become black.

I swallowed, rocking on the balls of my feet. "I...I don't know what to say," Truly at a loss of words I placed my hands idly in my pockets, trying to take her in again and choose my words carefully. The feeling was mutual and we both stood quiet for longer than we should. Fidgeting, stealing glancing, acting as if this was another day where things were perhaps better than they were now.