Blue Moon || Hoonsuk AU

Chapter 5

I am shaking at Kim's words. I always make sure that no one will know about it. My heart was pounding hard as if it was about to escape from my ribcage. K can't even make eye contact with Kim. What if he will babble about it to Jihoon? What if Kim tells my deepest secret? What should I do?

"Follow me," I jolted when I see Kim standing in front of me. No apron around his waist. Maybe frustrated with my antic, he grab my hand and lead me to the outside of the bar. There is a small alley separating the bar from another building. He takes out a stick of cigarette and flames it. He turns his head looking at me before smoking. I just standing next to him with my head focused on my fidgeting hands. Kim squatted and peeked at me from below.

"You see, hmmm." He scratches his head. Another smoke escapes from his mouth. He flicks the cigarette butt making some ashes fall to the ground. "Was him the reason you come to this bar five years ago? I always respect the customer's privacy. I could say I am their diary. Brokenhearted, broke, bankrupt, happy, sad, embarrassing, and many more. I could say I hear it all." I look at him. It's right. Me too, when I spend quite a long time at the bar, I usually hear another customer talk about their life with Kim. Either for the sake of sharing or asking for advice. I squatted next to him.

"He has a lover. Maybe you heard our conversation last time. Yeah, it is unrequited love. Sad huh?" He listened carefully.

"I noticed." I chuckled. Even everyone notices how lame am I to fall in love with someone else's boyfriend. My hand randomly made a gesture of counting. I don't even know what I am counting. Are the days of Jihoon gonna break up with his lover? Is that gonna be possible or I am counting the day I gonna took my last break? So, that all of the pain will be gone along with my body and soul?

"Do you wanna try our new menu?" I quickly look at him. What a random question. "What do you mean?" Is he possibly gonna stop selling martinis anymore because I order them non-stop? "Nah, we not gonna stop selling. Don't be dumb. All I wanna say is you should try the new menu at least. Don't you get sick with the same drink over and over again? After some time, you can drink it again. When you forget about the taste." I stare at Kim. Longer and deep. What does he mean?

"You see, I never want to drink a martini before. Even when I visited another bar, I don't even order a martini. Something different about that drink from this place. The more I drink it, the sweeter it be. Though sometimes it does burn the throat yet the sweetness at the first sip makes me want more."

"Is this how you love that man? Though it hurt you, you can't stop loving him? Have you ever looked at another guy and tried to love them? Don't you think you should try?" I gasping. Did he think I don't try? Does he think I do everything I could to forget about Jihoon and try to love others?

"Do you know why I never wanna try any martinis in another bar nor try a new drink from this bar? Because I knew I couldn't finish it and goes back to the martini from this bar. Why? Because of the effect, it does on me. It is too impactful. Even how much I do try to forget the taste, the smell of that drink will linger in my nose. Again, I will be attracted to it. The only way for you to stop me from drinking that martini is either you stop selling or move this store out of my reach and never come back."

"Even without any chance? Even without any chance, you might forget about the taste? If so, what will you do? Will you just cry about missing the taste of it? Will you just mourn for it to come back?"

"Than, never stop selling it or stay here forever."

"What about your heart? As you said, that man has a lover. Do you gonna keep on hurting acting like you're fine while deep down there you're not? Don't you think you're lame?" Kim's voice raises.

"I always think how lame am I. For me, as long as he stays by my side, as long as he is happy and healthy, it's fine. I am fine. Maybe as days go by, I get used to the pain. The numbness heals the wounds."

"I can't believe what I hear." Kim standing, fixing his shirt. "Hyunsuk, this is the first time I see a customer as a family. To me, you're like a little brother. Stop fucking with your life. Get a grip. You deserve to be happy too. My smoke break is done. Thanks. Now go back home. I paid the drink for you." He gives me a small pat on my shoulder before leaving.

In the dim alley with a flicker light stand, I was left alone. The sounds of cricket ringing in my ears as if they ask me to join them in their conversations. No, Kim, I am not just lame. I am also a loser. A freaking loser. If it was that easy to forget about the taste of the martini you made, I might order a martini from another bar. If it was that easy, I might already drink all of the cocktails on your menu but it is not as easy as you think when I am already over attracted to it. Could I blame it for existing in the first place? No. It is my fault to come here five years ago. I might never know the taste of the martini here if I don't stop my feet here, five years ago.