Blue Moon || Hoonsuk AU

Chapter 4

A day passed after Jihoon spend his night here. He left at noon after having lunch. Of course all that time, he bragged about his lover. How cute he is when he is mad, how beautiful he is under the sunset, and how much they love each other. I am, too wondering how can I cope with it. Though all the times I just could only feel throbbing in my chest. This is suck. What should I do with my heart of mine?

"Thanks for good hospitality, Hyunsuk. I am lucky to be your friend. Bye-bye" were His last words before he set his feel out of my door. Friend? Only you think of me as a friend, Jihoon. I don't feel the same as you. How can I call myself your friend when I yearn for you? For your body? For your love?

I checked my phone he did mention he will contact me from time to time regarding his academy stuff. Why am I the one that works hard as you to make your lover's dream come true? Am I a pushover? Well, I guess I am.

Everything went well, day by day, Jihoon contact me or we will meet at some cafes to talk about the academy. He is enthusiastic as always. It satisfying watching him talk about what he gonna do at his academy later. At this moment I kinda hope he works this hard just for my sake. I know I am greedy but of course, I will never show it.

"Eh, you drink tea?" Jihoon confusedly watched me sip my tea. He order iced americano. Unusual of him. The Jihoon I knew is a sweet tooth person. He always drinks or eats sugary food and drinks. His preference for foods maybe change as he grows older. I thought.

"Well, yeah. I can drink anything. But what with your drink?" Jihoon sighing. He's sighing? Or my eyes deceived me. He takes a sip of his drink before answering me. "Mashiho hate sweets. So, I guess it's his influence." What with that stupid laugh? Stupid enough to drink what you hate for your lover? I accidentally roll my eyes. Oh Gosh, did Jihoon see that? I peek at him, glad he focused on his phone. Probably texting his lover.

"Do you love it?" I quickly cover my mouth. Thought I just mumble it incoherently under my breath but yeah, I slipped. Jihoon turns his head towards me. He chuckled.

"This? Hmm, could I say not really?" I tilted my head in confusion. "Then, why do you drink it?" Stupid Hyunsuk, you know the answer. I pinched my thigh under the table. "Hyunsuk, once you fall in love, believe me, you'll be keen to do anything for them. As long as they're happy." Jihoon says those words with a sweet smile. Probably picturing his lover in his head. Must be lucky to live in his head rent-free. Wonder what is his lover did in his past life to be able to be loved by Jihoon so much. Or should I wonder what did I do in my past life for having such a suck current life? Did I maybe steal someone else's lover? Or kill their spouse? Everything's possible.

Well speaking of being keen to do anything for your loved ones, it's true Jihoon. Just to see you happy, I hide my feeling deep down there as long as I can stay by your side. Even I keep wondering what if one day you know about my feelings? Will you throw me away? Will you see me with disgusted eyes? Though I never once see you with that eyes. Jihoon is the most respectful person I knew. Never once he did judge one's preference. He honestly accepts it and supports us. I remember once in our high school when everyone joked about my art. When I knew too well I suck in art, I don't care about their words. I even laugh about that matter too with them. Until Jihoon comes and compliments my ugly arts telling me that unique and ugly in a good way. "This looks good. I can't say it the best, but something about your drawing makes me wanna think about it. What are your thoughts when you draw this, what do you feel when you see this, and what is the meaning of this drawing? It's kinda mystery, you know"  I looked at my terrible drawing. No matter how many times I look at it, it was a failure. How did Jihoon see it as a 'mysterious' piece?

"Just tell me this looks ugly, Jihoon. No need to comfort me "

"What do you think of me? A soap opera actor? I see how much effort you exert in this work. Be confident about it. You did well, Hyunsuk. Well, it's better to have a fan than none, right?" I wonder how did an airhead like Jihoon could say that kind of word back then. I still remember how badly my heart was pounding after he ruffles my hair before walking to his seat. If only I knew how love feels, I hope I just nod off at what he said when he compliment my works, maybe I won't fall this hard. 

Jihoon would never know how much I did just to make him happy. Will that day, where he knows about my feelings come?  I hope he will never know about it forever at the same time I wish I could scream at him how much I love him.

Without realizing it, for I forgot how many times since Jihoon reappeared, my eyes shed tears. I don't even know how much I blame myself for crying over stupid things.

I bring my feet to the bar.  Maybe I could ease my mind there. Kim smiled at me as he heard the door jingles. "Usual?" Hah, Kim, you know I will never order any drink yet you still ask about it. I just nodded.

"Well, we have a new menu, why don't you give it a try?" It's not the first time Kim offering me their new menu. Still, I firmly ordered the martini that I usually drink.

"Nah, Kim. Do you hate making martini for me anymore?" I asked him with my eyes focused on his hand that busy making orders for me and other customers. One thing I like about this bar is the amounts of customers and the size of this place. It is not as big as another bar where people could dance and stuff. This bar is just a few feet big with a big counter bar that could fit a 9-10 stool bar and a 5 square dining table. Not to mention the designs, it is too much vintage, like 90s bar we usually see in movies or drama.

"How can I hate making the drink for you. You are the only customer that drinks martinis every day." Kim chuckle. Wonder what's funny.

"I don't come every day though."
"Yeah, yeah. Since this years." I've indeed been coming to this bar every day since Jihoon left for Japan. It was just newly constructed that day. Weirdly, I feel comfortable here. Everything in this bar from, the music choice, the workers, and the customers all bring a positive vibe.

"Not bringing that friend?" I meet my eyebrows. Friend? Have I ever brought a friend here? Maybe looking at me being confused, Kim continue. "The guy from last time. The one you talking with for the first time." I'm thinking again, recall the memories of talking to a 'friend'. The only person I remember I talked to here is Jihoon. "Oh, Jihoon? He's not" my friend. Shit, I almost mutter that words.

"He's not your friend? Well, yeah we don't call our crush, as friends right?" Kim said as he hand a glass of martini in front of me. How did he know? Was I making it obvious? I cover my mouth. To hide my embarrassment? I don't know why. Maybe because of my nervousness.
"H-how do you know?" Kim quickly turns his head towards me. He moves his face near to me. Making sure our gaze is locked.

"Is that supposed to be a secret?" He talks slowly as he's whispering may be to avoid other customers hearing our conversation.
"I am sorry for impulsively saying that kind of thing. I don't know you-"
"It's okay. Maybe I make it obvious."

My adrenaline rush. Under my calm tone, everything inside me has been stirring up. I don't know what should I do. I am doomed.