Star Trek Voyager: Eternity

Star Trek Voyager: Eternity (Chapter 6)

A/n: The words in italics describe what’s happening in Chakotay’s logs.

Seven fled from Chakotay’s quarters as fast as her legs could carry her, reaching her cargo bay before she even stopped to properly catch her breath. Her body couldn’t allow her to continue and she was on the floor without wilful command from her mind within seconds, curling into herself, unable to keep the distraught tears from bursting free of her mental floodgates and flowing relentlessly. She didn’t know how long she lay there until her inherent need for self control kicked back in and she began to analyse what had happened. She knew her outburst had enflamed an already impossible situation and she regretted her actions for she knew Chakotay well enough to know he would also now be suffering and that was the last thing she wanted. Grief fuelled anger still persisted in its assault on her but she could no longer direct it at Chakotay. He hadn’t wanted to come here; it wasn’t his fault that his very presence caused her almost intolerable pain. He would need to go back, if they didn’t help him return the temporal anomaly could take him anywhere. Fear stabbed her, losing him again, despite it all, wasn’t a possibility she was willing to consider. Feeling his touch, his kiss once more had pushed her love for him she’d suppressed back into her heart at full strength. Her emotions told her it was irrelevant where or when he came from, she loved him just as much as before.

A sigh of exhausted frustration fluttered through her lips, the worst thing about being a human individual was the conflicted aspect of emotions, she wanted him gone, to end this painful cycle but she also wanted to cling to him and kiss him and beg him not to leave. In that moment she longed for the Collective, its unity of thought and purpose, the simplicity her life had once had compared to the dilemmas she now faced. Suddenly she hated being in that cargo bay with all the residual memories it held and she left abruptly.

Without thinking she sought out her children, silently entering the small side room of Tom and B’Elanna’s quarters where they slept. She stood watching them for several minutes knowing she shouldn’t wake them but she gave into her impulse and gently lifted a sleeping Isabel out of her cot and held her close.

Isabel stirred and blinked awake. “Mama?” she asked in questioning surprise. “Night.”

Seven managed an affectionate if sad smile down at her sleepy daughter. “I know its night time baby, Mama just wanted to see you.”

Isabel accepted this, she wasn’t the type to object to a cuddle, and huddled against her mother’s neck and chest. “Seepy.” She stated drowsily.

Seven stroked her hair and kissed her, before hearing a sound as Luke turned over in bed, she approached the bed and sat down on the edge, pulling the cover back and climbing in, gently holding both Luke and Isabel close against her. Isabel fell asleep again almost immediately but Luke opened his eyes in confusion. “Go back to sleep my love.” Seven murmured. Luke responded with a mumble and buried his head in her shoulder. She leaned into his ear and whispered, “Tonight is special, and I’m not going to do this every night okay?” He smiled in his sleep and she kissed him. Maternal love, it was different from other emotions, uncomplicated, pure and constant, if only everything was this simple, she would have to draw on all of its strength to do the right thing. Surrounded by her family rather than by the Collective Seven drew comfort from this which allowed exhaustion to take over and she fell into a deep if troubled sleep.

Chakotay meanwhile couldn’t take comfort from anything around him and his emotions were just as conflicted as Seven’s. He just sat with guilt, love and sorrow being his overwhelming emotions along with confused thoughts which struggled to make sense. Eventually an all consuming desire to know everything that had happened forced him to think logically and begin to decrypt Seven’s algorithms which were blocking access to his logs. It took him over four hours but every time he felt like giving up something inside him pushed him on until finally a list of log entries were his reward.