You ✔

Andy

ik no one except you reads this but in case anyone else does, slight tw. nothing too explicit or graphic tho I myself get triggered lol

♥

To the person that holds my entire heart in those delicate hands of hers,

To the person that so willingly took it upon herself to bear the burden of my tears,

To the same person who taught me how to love, 

I love you more than the moon loves its stars.

And just as she put her pen down after writing those words, Andy broke down in her seat, crying bitter tears of loneliness and despair. 

14/4, she wrote, still not coming in terms with the fact that she was going to leave. Leave. Her room that held thousands and thousands of memories of her and Julie. Her hometown where almost everyone knew her and each other. Her dear plants that would soon be dead or pulled out by the person who decided to occupy her house. Her walls that were painted with various different colors when she needed a distraction from the urge to grab her blade she'd become close friends with. 

And as she thought, she wept. 

How many more tears am I going to spend on this? Is it even worth it? Is she worth it?

She was reminded of the time when Julie had told her, "Human tears are precious, Andy. Don't waste it on people who don't deserve a fraction of it," when Andy was breaking apart because of her ex-bestfriend. 

"I don't know, Julie," she'd said. "I love her. I still love her."

And Julie could do nothing but sigh and comfort her as much as she could. They both hadn't known each other much at all. Julie had seen Andy sitting alone in a park, looking so lost, and decided to talk to the girl. The beautiful girl with a beautiful heart. That was Andy's first impression of Julie. After they had the small talk at the park, they spent time with each other every other second of every other day. And at that moment, the universe aligned, the stars shined extra bright and the moon looked down at them with smiling eyes and it felt to Andy as if it was meant to happen. They were meant to be. As bestfriends, as lovers, as anything.  

Since then, they got to know each other, and despite the ridiculous arguments they'd had, they managed to break through them. Their bond was strong enough to break through the boulders. 

Was it the first day? Or was it the next? Or was it a month later? Andy couldn't pin-point the day she'd started to feel the nerves. The butterflies. The sheer rush of adrenaline that coursed through her body like a ferocious river every time the mere thought of the other girl crossed her mind. And nor could she tell when everything started breaking apart one by one. 

She looked down at her hands, her eyes helplessly scanning every single scar. Is she worth it? she asked again, her fingertips lightly caressing her arm that looked and felt as broken as her. Are you worth this, Julie?

But then again, Andy herself knew that Julie wasn't the only reason for the way she was. She was physically drained because of everything weighing down on her all at once, she was confused and frustrated. The way she dealt with things was to usually sleep, but sleep wasn't coming. She tried listening to music, using headphones and increasing the volume to the maximum, but her thoughts were louder. 

She felt so helpless — on one side, she had to leave. She had to ready her heart and mind to face everything that was to come, she had to take care of her younger brother who had just gotten into high school. And on the other, she had to come in terms with the fact that she was in love. With her bestfriend. The person who'd been with her for almost four years now. The person who she was going to leave behind in a few days. 

After a few hours and a few more tears and scars, Andy gathered up enough strength to go over to her bed and lie down. She took her phone and sent Julie a message. You know I love you, right? And not even a minute later, there came a reply. I know, Annie. I do too. So much. But Andy didn't see it then as she had fallen asleep already. And in her dreams, a little angel dressed in a soft blue dress watched over her while she slept and kissed her goodnight.

"Julie," she breathed, slipping into a deeper sleep.

♥

Empty. It's so empty and cold. 

It was the day. Andy was leaving. She stood in her room which was now dark and void. White puffs of air came out of her mouth as she took frantic breaths, her heart aching at how cold her once warm, comforting room was. She clutched her notebook tightly, her fingertips turning white at the pressure. I'm doing it. I'm finally going to tell her. 

With one last glace, she fought back tears and exited the room, left to do nothing but pray that the people who'd move in would treat it with as much love and care as she did. She left the house soon after and saw her brother waiting by the gates.

"You going somewhere...? Our taxi is gonna arrive in a few minutes," he said, his voice thick and eyes crimson. Was he crying? Wow, everyone's miserable. 

"I'll be back in five minutes. Julie left her notebook at home yesterday, so I'll just return it and be right back," she said, effortlessly lying.

Her brother raised an eyebrow, suspicious of something. "But isn't that your notebook—?"

"I'll be back before you know it, okay?" 

Andy then walked across to where he was standing and before he could say anything, she put her arms around his shoulders, holding his head delicately. Despite being a grown boy, he was still shorter than her. He quickly returned the hug and buried his face into her hair that was left loose. He took a few shaky breaths and remained there, the both of them basking in each other's presence for an eternity. At least, that's what it felt like. He pulled away after a while, offering his sister a small smile, which she returned in a heartbeat, despite being anything but happy at the moment. 

"Okay."

With that, she left, her heart picking up speed with every passing second. In what seemed to her like mere moments, there she stood, right in front of Julie's house, her precious notebook in hand. She wrote down a quick note that said—

This notebook is for you to read. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Andy.

Before she could change her mind, she left the notebook right in front of Julie's door and walked away. It's done. 

♥

just to clarify — no, I'm not in love with you. LOL

also,, I think I'm getting the hang of it? writing romance? do you think so too or am I just being full of myself lmaooo