~ I Will Bury You

~ 𝓂𝓎 𝓂𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 ~

~ Was it worth it? Creating me?

I know who I am

I see the tool that I am

I know my strength

And I see how ugly I am too

To forge me you had to hurt many people

You gave me permission to cause pain

You gave me the power to change other people's lives

Was it worth it?

I see it more clearly now

That I can't fix the soil I grew from and have lived in

I can't ask for more water than you offered me but you are my sunlight

You're the reason I'm forced to stay alive

Even though I am not watered enough and not looked after

Even though we both watch as my leaves dry of color and fall

You're the sunlight I'm forced to survive because of

The thin line between me and the never occurring end to my suffering

I hurt people

I hurt my mother

I see now that I had expected all along that I can love everyone

With kindness and compassion, I thought I can love everything and everyone

But you made me singular

A seed that has to fight for itself no matter what the soil is like, no matter if it's the only one in the field

I can't love everyone I meet

I create suffering

Most importantly I see now that the blessing of loving my mother is not in my hands

It's me or her

I could either lose myself or love her

After her long life

Her long trials

The horrible sacrifices and consequences

I wish it were different

Her story and her choices I wish she was supernatural so she could have fixed everything without passing the pain onto me