~ I Will Bury You

~ 𝒮𝒸𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂𝓈 ~

"My lord I have had enough of him and I

Free me if you hear my screams

If I am ready don't let me be sad any longer

It burns even worse when you're not holding my hand as I step into the fire"

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~ I can't figure out what's best to do

To leave you be free or to betray the truth

Sometimes it feels like you're out of reach and I am dying to unleash

As if nothing could affect you and I see no home to run to

As if the cold air never tests you while I pray to know what gets to you

Is your world better than mine?

Have you found the answers while I was away and decided everything was fine?

I feel forced to make myself cheap

In a world where I know man is in battle

Who am I to scream that I'm in need?

I struggle to accept that I am unwanted by thee

I fear that if I let it sink in it will become a part of me and I'm forever taunted

I struggle to understand everything and I fear asking to be supported

If I had a home you're welcome

Yet I don't understand why the glass of my windows shakes as you step in

Why the wind blows heavily and I'm struggling to breathe in

There are tears in my eyes

What am I hiding?

I don't understand myself but is there a chance you understand me?

Damn this fantasy

Every now and then you're a she then a he

You always have that dark hair I love

And skin that I'm so scared to touch...

I'm scared of you! That's it! I'm scared

You trigger my fears!

You make me insecure, you make me wanna please

You have me on my knees and my head fears more that it sees

What have you got up your sleeves?

What is it about you that is so terrifying and causes this much unease?

I can't put my finger on it

But every time I meet you

You've been given innocent eyes that don't suit you

You're a little safe and a little more scarier

But what keeps me around is the spell that's your mouth

I know you seek art to feed your heart with no real cost

I know you use all the right words to make me soft but no amount of books and pages will ever open your fearful heart

No song, no painting, not a pretty girl, and none of my midnight enchantments

You're a promise of love that never arrives

You're always speaking wise but it's not vulnerable, not intimate, it's not anything but a way to protect yourself

I'm jealous of that you're trying to protect

I am not that lovely I have realized

I might have been lying when I said it's in the name of love

Because my whole intention really might just be

To break the man I fear the most so that I could be free

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I wrote this poem 2 months ago while dating, it's about my struggle with men who are not attuned to me emotionally and how chaotic and isolating the experience of the attachment then becomes for me