Before We Fall || Sky Flaherty

Chapter 46

a.n - i took over a year (x3) off and cut you bitches some slack, tell a friend to tell a friend SHE'S BACK

yeah.

i have nothing to say for myself.

Alivia's POV 

Dear Jacob,

Wow, it's been a while since we've last had a chat. Where do I start? 

Well, I guess I'll start with Sky. Breaking news: your sister is in love. Yeah, I can't believe it either. I have a boyfriend! Whom I love very very much! Who inspires me to be the best version of myself! Who loves me very very much! It's unreal.  

Even before I lost you, I didn't see myself as the kind of person who could actually be in a relationship. Between school, dance, choir, and drama, I always thought I'd be too busy. That's not not true now, but we're the same kind of busy so in a way it works. We haven't been together for that long so I don't want to get ahead of myself, but he just gets me in the kind of way no one else really has. 

I have an eating disorder. Again. Way to change the subject, I know. And I know this isn't old news -- I've spent my life in an industry that glamorizes not taking care of yourself so in a sick way it was only a matter of time before I went back down the rabbit hole. And yes, it's hell. The same hell as the last time. But here I am again. 

I have a therapist and Sky has been helping a lot with recovery but that doesn't make it less difficult. He gets it but he doesn't, and tries to help but sometimes it feels insincere or patronizing. But we love each other and I know he only wants to see me heal so I'm doing my best. 

I love him. And I know you would too. When the tour hit Arizona I wanted to take him to you and Dad's graves, but I just couldn't do it. I don't know why. It's not like he doesn't know what happened. But I just couldn't. Someday I will, I promise. I want you to meet him. 

I love you so much, Jay. I'll look forward, and you've got my six. 

- Alivia

I closed the journal that had literally and metaphorically followed me for the past five years and slid it across the hotel room bed, pushing away my feelings with it as I wiped my face with the back of my hand. I centered myself with a deep breath as I reached for my phone to check the time. Sky, Ben, Josh, Demarius, and I were all going to some mall in the city and I was supposed to meet them in the hotel room lobby five minutes ago. 

"I think this is the slowest elevator I've ever been in," I mumbled to myself as I waited for it to take me to the ground floor precisely six minutes after we were supposed to all meet. 

"Well, well, well, look who finally decided to show up," Demarius teased as I walked up to the lounge where the four of them were so kindly waiting for me. 

"I'm not late, the rest of you are just early." 

"Yeah, yeah," Ben griped. "Let's go. I have fiscal irresponsibility to tend to." 

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"Yeah, I feel good. Just walking throughout this outdoor mall. When it's raining!" Sky yelled at the camera DeMarius pointed at him. 

Josh nudged DeMarius to get his attention, before balancing his phone on his wrist. "My freaking Apple Watch!"

"And I'm trying to find some food, which is impossible 'cause it's raining!"

"Let's just look at the directory," I suggested, gently pulling Sky towards the metal sign in the center of the walkway. He laced his fingers through mine as we stared at the sign. "So if we're here," I pointed with my free hand to the "You Are Here" marker on the sign.