Broken is Beautiful (PJM 18+)

Repulsive

I'm so sick of all these perfect people telling me I shouldn't change myself. Everyone! None of them have a say in what I did with my body. None of them had to live the way I do.

Taehyung can roll out of bed, hair sticking out every direction and still look like a model.

Lalisa was already a model!

Dr. Jeon was so handsome, he had this boyish charm about him and was probably cute his whole life!

And that Jimin man, he was stunning. He had a perfectly chiseled face.

What did any of them know about being ugly? What would they know about having to hide your body from the world? I've yet to have a real relationship with someone because of my deformity. I pushed away plenty of men I was interested in. As soon as sex was brought up I knew it would be over soon. I couldn't show them the real me. So, I eventually stopped dating all together.

Boyfriends in the past were disgusted and repulsed by touching my bumpy skin. What would anyone other than people like me know what this is like?! I wear long sleeves all year, every day. I don't dare wear anything even three-quarter length. I don't even own a short sleeve shirt.

But they have the audacity to tell me how to live my life. It was infuriating.

I'm deep in thought as the taxi takes me back to my house. I had searched skin grafts on the internet and was reading up on it. It seemed like my best option. The images were horrible though, very graphic and terrified me. It made me a nervous wreck just looking at the pictures.

Once I'm back inside my apartment, Taehyung comes to chat with me. I can already see the disapprovement glistening in his dark chocolate eyes. I sit on the couch and await my rebuking. Tae sits beside me, taking my hand in his. "What did they say?"

I tell him everything, blurting it out faster than his brain can properly process. Honestly, I wanted another opinion. It would be nice to hear his, assuming he would give me one.

"What are you going to do?" He asks me softly and I let out a sigh. "I don't know. I'm scared." Taehyung grabs me and pulls me against him, laying my head on his shoulder. He pets my head gently. "You're going to do whatever you want; I know that. But maybe don't start off with the extreme measures. Try the smaller procedures. I'd rather you try those first before having your skin annihilated and rebuilt." I swallow at his wording. That's basically what it was though.

I let my mind wander as I think about the possibilities. My anxiety is being soothed by my best friend's caressing of my head. It was making me sleepy as well, a calming wave washes over me. I close my eyes; Tae's hand slows down and soon I'm drifting off against his shoulder.

There's a bright crackling orange light visible through my eyelids. My eyes shoot open when my lungs inhale the thick, ashy scent of smoke. I'm having trouble breathing. I sit up quickly, choking, trying to catch my breath. I dive off my bed and onto the floor, the smoking swirling above my head as I survey surroundings. Half of my room was engulfed in bright, raging flames. And it was spreading quickly. I crawl to my doorway; the door is kicked open and I see a black figure standing amongst the flames.

I wake up screaming, gripping tightly to my right arm, there was searing pain running down the length of it. Taehyung runs over to me quickly and holds me tightly. "It's okay, you're okay, there's no fire!" He frantically tells me the words and the burning sensation slows and then disappears from my arm. I'm out of breath, gasping for air.

"I've got you, you're okay!" I bury my face into his shoulder and burst into tears. These damn nightmares would occur sometimes, but not always. He rubs my back slowly, letting me get it all out.

Once my crying slowed down a bit, he pulled back and looked at me. His eyes were overflowing with worry. "Are you okay?" I nod slowly and he wraps his arms around me again. "Those damn nightmares. I wish they would finally leave you alone. It's been a decade since the fire."

The nightmares didn't leave me alone though. They constantly revisited me, forcing me to relive the most horrific moment of my life. Something no one should have to go through. But I survived it thanks to the wonderful firefighters who worked in our neighborhood. They saved me and I'm alive because of them.

Taehyung rubs my right arm and I wince. It doesn't hurt, but it's all psychological. I don't want anyone touching it. I rip away my arm and hold it to my chest. "I'm fine now Tae." I reassure him, he nods and stands up.

"I'll make you some tea." He goes off into the kitchen and I sigh, finally catching my breath.

Maybe I wasn't ready for skin grafting yet. If I had nightmares while I was wearing the bandages, I might tear it up in my half-awake panic. Then I'd be reliving awful pain all over again. I truly wasn't ready for that.

Taehyung reappears, walking very slowly, trying not to spill the tea. I smiled to myself; he was adorable. He didn't even want to spill one drop. He hands me the cup carefully and I hold it between my fingers.

"I think I'll try the minor procedures first. I'm not ready for extensive surgery yet. Plus, I can't miss work right now." Taehyung nods and smiles. "Good idea. I'll help you however I can." I pat his cheek softly. "I know you will."