Heaven - ONC 2022 LONGLISTED - old version

chapter 13: little loves

He had to wash it all off – the rain, the chill, the way the priest's eyes had rested upon him. Arriving back at Cookies' before him, Sina kicked off his soaked jacket and shoes in the hall and entered the bathroom. Glaring at himself in the mirror, he thought he resembled a drowned rat. Sina pushed his hair away from his face before pulling his top off and dropping it onto the floor. When it fell upon his bare feet, he scowled and kicked it away. Emotions swirled inside him unpleasantly. When he blinked, he saw the priest stepping out of the shadowy bit of the church and into view. Sina leaned against the sink and winced. "I draw the line at holy people. I have standards. At least I sometimes pretend I do."

He pushed back and drew in a deep breath. "I fucking hate everything." Sina's fingers moved to his jeans and worked the buttons open with swift, fluid gestures.

Warm steam found him as soon as he turned the water on. When he ran his hand under the stream, it reminded him of the way he felt standing across from Father Caleb; warm and wonderful and momentarily serene. Stepping in, Sina felt the warmth slither over his head and down his back to wash away the chill the rain had left behind.

There was a hush throughout the house. It was rare Sina felt like he belonged and he often did at Cookie's place. At least until his aunt would come home and threaten to chase him away with a broom like he were some sort of roach.

Luckily, Aunt May was on her bi-monthly pilgrimages to Vegas where she stayed away for a full week giving Sina a chance to visit his friend without worrying someone'd try and bust something over his head.

But he'd have to leave soon. And Sina had no idea where he could go. The water slithered around his arms and legs. It enveloped him in what Cookie would call bliss. Sina had never used that word before. He never found the need to. Sighing, he leaned against the tiles and pictured Father Cal sanding on the other side of the steam. "Bliss," he whispered to the emptiness.

The front door opened and shut loudly. A set of keys was dropped in the ceramic bowl by the entrance. "God hates the sin but loves the sinner!" Cookie's voice carried over to Sina's daydream and popped the bubble of serenity.

Groaning, Sina placed his palms onto the wet tiles and slid down until he was sitting on the floor. "I hope for hell's sake you got cake," he grumbled.

"I got the very last chocolate almond at Evan's! Mrs. Cullen had come in right after me asking Zoyia for one and Zoyia, God bless her crooked heart, she didn't even look up at that woman as she placed my cake in the box AND gave me a bag of jam cookies on the house. I swear, that Cullen woman hates my guts but God above, I got to see Travis and –"

When Cookie stopped to take a breath, Sina uttered, "I nearly melted into a puddle of goo."

"I nearly melted into a puddle of goo, Sina. After all this while that man is still able to make my heart pitter-patter like I'm some damn schoolboy."

"Even after they did what they did to you?" Sina whispered into the falling water.

"Even after all they did to me...to him. To us." When Sina didn't comment, Cookie knocked on the bathroom door and hollered, "Did you hear me, boy?"

Sina tilted his head back. He knew what the Cullens had done to Cookie. How they found out he and Travis were a thing. How Delores Cullen had told everyone (and their dog) how that dirty black person had drugged her dim-witted son when Cookie had never even looked at drugs in his life. Lies upon lies about Cookie were sewn into the fabric that was Heaven. That Cookie had seduced Travis with his lewd dances when in truth Travis had fallen utterly in love with Cook and had begged him for months to go out. When Trav's mother and father had found out about their relationship, it was Abraham Cullen who dragged his son into the woods and beat him up so badly Travis ended up in the hospital unresponsive. As Travis lay in a coma, Sina remembered how Cookie cried and cried. Sina had never seen his friend like that. He'd never heard a heart break but he sure as fuck heard Cookie's shatter. When Trav came out of the hospital nearly two weeks later, his walk was a bit lopsided and his words carried a faint yet constant sluggishness. Neither man was ever the same. If Sina could, he would have strangled Abraham with his bare hands but God...or the Devil...or whoever decided to offer justice had Abraham stricken by a sudden heart attack shortly after. It took him out faster than you could say AbrahamCullenIsACockSucker.

Another knock. "Sina?"

When Sina let out something between a growl and a pained moan, Cookie asked, "What's wrong, boy?"

Sina looked towards the direction of the door. "I felt my fucking heart beat," he whispered to himself.

"You ok?"

"No," Sina grumbled into his hands.

"Motherfucker, open the door or I'll break it."

"I didn't lock it!" Sina lifted a hand and splatted his palm against the puddle below him.

Cookie let the warmth out when he entered. He stopped behind the shower curtain. "Are you having a crisis?"

Sina ignored him. "How was church?"

"Oh, Loooooordy above, it was wonderful if you dismiss the fact no one spoke to me, naturally. After all this time they still hold that vile hatred over the fact that two men fell in love."

"It's because they suck. You're a good person, Cookie. Travis....well, he's a redneck with pudding for brains but he was an ok guy. I mean, he'd come to Purgatory with that puppy-in-love face and bring you flowers."

"Carnations." Cookie nodded in remembrance.

"You'd be thrilled even though you hate carnations."

"They are flowers to bring to a funeral."

"Like I said, brain like pudding."

"He meant well."

"And you were happy."

"Hmmm..." Cookie agreed from behind the curtain. "Little loves make me happy."

"I like it when you're happy."

"Ain't the new normal, boy. But it is what it is. Anyway, church was lovely. I hadn't sung so much since Father Luke was alive." Cookie sat on the closed toilet seat. "The new preacher is a lovely man. I think you'd like him if you met him. Maybe you could come with me next Sunday?"

Sina wriggled uncomfortably. He wasn't sure he wanted to have this chat. "What's so great about him? Ain't he just another preacher?"

"He was kind. He had this aura about him. Nice. You know?"

Sina looked at his bare legs. I know.

Cookie tapped his fingers over the plastic curtain. "Will you say you'll think about coming?"

"If I say yes will you go away so I can finish my shower and get dressed?"

Rising, Cookie chuckled, "Boy you haven't got anything I haven't seen before."

"I'm shy."

"Shy? Babe, you've pulled your ding-a-ling out at a group of Japanese tourists last month. Ain't no shy to you." But Cookie respected that Sina wanted his privacy and headed to the door. "Be quick or I may eat the whole cake by myself."

Before exiting, Cookie paused and ran his fingers over a fern he kept next to the sink. "Damn thing's almost dead." Sighing, he set it up on the counter and worried over the nearly brittle leaves. "Loved this plant." He tisked. "Things you love always go to shit don't they?"

Hooking a finger around the curtain, Sina peeked at the fern. As soon as Cookie had shut the door, Sina rose and headed to the sad little plant. "Not everything goes to shit..." Pulling out one of Cookie's razors, Sina carefully cut along his finger, just enough for a few drops of blood to drip over the fern. "Maybe this will make up for those fuckers not speaking to him." He brought his finger to his lips and licked the wound shut. "Maybe just a bit." Trailing his hand over the plant, Sina watched as the brittle bits fell off and in their place, bright green bits grew and the plant reached up towards Sina as a plant reaches for the sun. "Little loves," he whispered. 

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