head in the clouds

thirty three; josh

"Are you going to?" Bren asks.

I roll my eyes and groan. "Yeah probably! I don't want to rush into it, though. I feel like I just love where we are right now and I don't want to do anything that will ruin it."

"You guys are soulmates dude, there's no way being in a relationship will ruin anything!" He pesters.

"Do you know what he's doing for his art project?" I ask. He shakes his head. "He's painting a realistic heart, with strings attached being held up by a hand. He says he's afraid of love, Bren. I don't, I can't ruin what we have."

*

I lay down in my bed, about to fall asleep as the door swings open, the doorknob slamming into the wall. I jolt up, pushing myself off the bed.

"What the fuck is going on?" I ask, rubbing my eyes.

"I have to ask you something." Ty says, standing in the doorway.

"What fuckin' time is it?"

"It's five in the morning, that's besides the point."

I lay back down and pull my blanket up to my chin. "I'm going back to sleep."

"No!" He yells. "I have to talk to you!"

I roll my eyes and sit back up. "First of all, don't yell at me or I will suffocate you. Second, fine but make it quick."

He flicks the light on, blinding me for a few moments. I feel the bed besides me dip down as he sits.

"I uh, I wanna start this by saying I really love our friendship. Our mutual respect for each other, our boundaries, our communication, I just love what we have made. Which is why I'm so afraid of this, as I don't want you to feel like I don't like you or don't like spending time with you." He pauses to look at me. "Because I do, I really do like you and I love talking to you and being your friend but I don't think I'm ready to be more than that with you."

I shake my head, giving him a confused look. "What do you mean?"

"I over heard you and Bren at school today. In-in the bathroom, I heard you guys."

My stomach drops and my confused look fades. "Oh." I say, a tone of fear on my tongue.

"I um, look it's not you at all or anything. And I know we just had sex so that makes it extremely confusing and I'm really sorry for that. I just, man I just came to terms that I was gay a few weeks ago. I just had sex for the first time ever two days ago. I don't know what I want, and I don't want to end up hurting you if... if you're not what I want." He says the last part quietly.

I nod and slouch. "I respect that, Ty. I understand where you're coming from, and I'm not upset with you at all so you can stop your stressing over that." I lightly chuckle.

"You're not upset?" He asks.

I shake my head. "No, Ty. I understand, you don't want to rush into it and if we did we could both get really hurt. I just want you to know, that I will always be available for you if you do decide that I am what you want."

He softly smiles. "I don't want you to miss out on relationships just because of me."

"Meh, there's not many people here that I would date anyways. And I dunno, none of them interest me like... like a certain someone does."

He chuckles and shakes his head. "I don't know when or if I'll be ready. Or if you are what I want, I just don't know."

"That's okay, Ty. You don't have to know just yet, there's not a single ounce of rush here. Go about it on your own terms, with your own pace. I'll be here for you either way."

"I'm sorry J."

"Nonsense. There's no need for that."

He chuckles and looks up at me. "I uh, I have a question."

"Go for it." I smile.

"I um, I know that it probably wont be a good idea, it might cloud my judgement or something I don't know. But uh, do you think that we-we could um, that we could still like k-kiss and stuff?"

Holy shit, he's adorable.

I smile widely and nod. "I will only kiss you if you are one hundred percent certain you still want to kiss me."

"And-and stuff?"

I give him a confused look. "What's stuff?"

He blushes and looks down at his hands. "Like um, cuddling and stuff?"

"You keep saying and stuff. I have a feeling there's something else that you're too embarrassed to say." I laugh.

His cheeks turn a deeper shade of pink. "I uh... l-like sex?"

I try to fight back a huge smile as I nod. "Ty, we can do whatever you want, but I'll only do it if you're one hundred percent sure." I repeat myself.

He nods, still refusing to look at me. "O-Okay."

There's a moment of silence before I lightly nudge him with my elbow. "I was that good, huh?"

He chuckles and nods. "Y-Yeah."

"It's okay, you were pretty great too."

He smiles and finally looks at me again. "I-I think you might be what I want, J. I just don't know for certain."

"Well you're what I want which means I will wait for you. For as long as you need, I will wait for you."

He nods. "Can-can I kiss you?" He asks.

I chuckle and nod my head, and without missing a beat he latches himself onto me and pushes his lips against mine; creating a soft and gentle kiss. His hands on both of my cheeks, mine on his hips and he maneuvers himself so he's sat on my lap. I smile against him and fall back on my bed so he's laying on top of me. He pulls back and rests his forehead on mine.

"What're we going to tell Bren and Dall now? They seemed so hopeful." He laughs.

I smile and shrug. "Our nonexistent relationship is none of their business." I joke.

He laughs again and nods. "I'm sorry, J."

"Don't be Ty. There's nothing you have to be sorry for, I promise."