Didn't we almost have it all

May the odds be in your favour

Fletch eventually dozed off whilst Jac remained wide awake. She watched the man uncomfortably wedged in a crap chair. His long legs placed awkwardly. He didn't care about comfort he cared about her and about being there. Her heart contracted - so few people in her life had ever shown the kind of love and care that he did.
Sacha was another. Sacha's letter was next
My dear Sacha
I know you were against this operation so when you read this, either you will have been proved right and I won't be here or I will enjoy gloating over the next 20 years that I was right and you were wrong. Just like when we were both junior doctors competing to clear one side of the ward.
We were closely matched skill wise but you would always win hands down for compassion, care and just generally being an amazing human being.
I don't know if you really know how much you mean to me, I love you my friend.
I hope I have been there through your many traumas as you have been there for me.
Make sure Emma still sees her uncle Sacha and remind her everyday that Mummy loves her if I'm not around.
Love Jac xx
She placed the pen down, rubbing her hand. Just two more things to write.
First some wishes for her funeral which she would entrust to Fletch if it came to it
1. I don't hold with this wear bright colours and celebrate life kind of funeral. If anyone attends they should wear black
2. White flowers only but no lilies- you know I can't bear the smell. Roses would be nice
3. Cremation not burial
4. I would like you- if you're able, to read "death is nothing at all" by Henry Scott Thomas
5. As they close the curtain on my coffin I want "let it go" from Frozen to play. Emma loves the song and after all I know that many people call me the ice queen
6. I would like my ashes scattered in the peace garden here. This hospital has been such a huge part of my life I would like it to be my final resting place
Jac exhaled a heavy sigh. These preparations of letters and instructions hid just exactly how scared she was. Flipping from not having the op and having a little time with loved ones to having the op and it being a success giving her a life or of course it might kill her.
At the end of the day, do nothing and she would definitely die, take the surgery option and trusting Elliot (who in her opinion was a genius) gave her at least the chance of life but there is no doubt, she mused, the odds were stacked against her