Confess your sins

Pixie sticks

"I was snorting pixie sticks with preschoolers who pick their noses with their sticky mac and cheese fingers"

Don't worry my child, for this is a normal act performed by a newly birthed fetus. They do not know what is considered right and wrong.

To atone for thy sin, thou must make them wash their hands in holy water. For their hands sound unholy and unblessed by thy Holy Father. Next, thou must go on a diet to cleanse themself of sugar.

I wish thee the best in thou adventure, shalt the Holy Father bless us all.