Do More Good (5sos ot4)

Chapter 18

Calum blinked, his eyes focused on the ceiling as they had been for the last two hours.

    He'd woken up early, in what was apparently Michael's old room. This time he'd been carefully placed in the bed, head on the pillow and two blankets draped over him. He guessed he'd fallen asleep on the couch between Luke and Ashton last night after they'd had dinner and one of them brought him here.

    He was so confused. That's all he'd felt since meeting these guys.

    He knew they were bad news. He knew he shouldn't even be considering what they were saying...it was absolutely crazy. Maybe he could just go along with it until they gave him a bit of freedom, and then he could escape.

    But a horrible part of him didn't want to escape. He liked them, he liked their attention and how concerned they were for each other. He loved their dynamic, how well they worked together and part of him wanted to see how he'd mesh with them.

    Would he play-argue with Luke all the time, and discuss medical journals with Ash, and help Mikey cook dinner? Would he be the one to help break up arguments between Michael and Ashton, and sit with Luke when he cried? Would he be isolated every time he did something bad, would they be mad if he didn't want to Help them?

    There were so many 'what if's' and possibilities floating around, and he wasn't sure how to ask them. He could feel himself reverting back into the shy, quiet kid he was as a child. When he was younger, his parents got divorced, he was bullied at school, and no one looked after him. The only way he knew how to protect himself was to retreat into himself, go along with anything, and stay quiet. Not speaking his mind, not being the center of attention was the only way to stay safe.

    He had tried to improve himself, to get better and process his emotions as an adult. When he became a nurse, he broke out of his shell a bit more and was able to hit his stride talking to the patients and other nurses. He could be a bit more of himself, the person he truly wanted to be, when he was taking care of people.

    Would this new opportunity Ashton presented him get him to where he wanted? Could he really do something like that or would it be betraying the entire thing he'd been longing for his entire life?

    "Cally, baby, are you awake?" a voice whispered through the crack in his door. He debated for a moment pretending to be asleep still, wondering if Luke would walk away or not, but he sat up, rubbing his eyes and looked at the man. "Good morning, love, how are you?"

    Calum had two choices. He could be honest, tell Luke that he was confused, didn't really like what was going on, and more than likely end up in isolation again. Or he could just stay silent, let things be, and go along with it. Hopefully the second option would lead to something better than being by himself. He hated that. He tried to fool himself by travelling the country alone to hide from his emotions, but he knew that's all it was, a trick.

    "Okay," he shrugged, not looking in his blue eyes. Luke walked inside the room, sitting down carefully on the edge of the bed.

    "Want some breakfast? Ash tried to help Mikey make pancakes, and the batter ended up everywhere; all over the counters and ceiling, and somehow in the toaster," Luke shook his head. Calum giggled at that, wondering how badly Ashton must have messed up for that to be the case. Cooking wasn't too difficult, there were basic things everyone should be able to do. But he knew from spending time there that it wasn't as simple to everyone. "Michael sentenced him to cleaning duty and took over cooking so we can have something edible,"

    "S-sure," he got up, noting that he was wearing different clothing than yesterday. He tried not to think about what that meant and followed Luke downstairs, standing in the doorway as Ashton and Michael were laughing and cleaning up a mess.