Unchangeable

Chapter 18

Trigger Warning: Suicide

Life returns to normal, or as normal as it can be after all that happened. Saul works in the library, returns home to his books and his calm and solitary life. Hank is in intensive therapy and processing, ' as expected ' Saul is told. The lady that interviewed him reports she is doing some research and will get back to him. The bad guys are still locked away, with trials being prepared.

He is among the stacks, alone, an hour after the library closed. Everyone had went home. He will be heading that way himself, soon. He just wants to make sure all is in order first. Walking through the stacks, seeing the binds of the books so neatly arranged, it brings peace to him. All is in order, at least in this part of his world.

He enters the last one and stops dead for he is no longer in the library. No, he is on a train, no, subway car. It is heading to the last stop before heading back to the station. He looks around. Why is he here? A lady sits alone. He realizes they are the only ones in the car. Victim or..

Walking over, he stands right beside her. “Can you hear me?” Nothing. He tries saying it aloud. Still nothing.  He is just here to observe. After the last few trips, this frustrates him. Hands fisted in useless rage, he rides with her to the end of the line. They step out together.

“Where are you going? To your doom or to cause someone else’s?” He still tries to reach her as he follows her. They walk along a row of houses.  She finally stops at one. Looking up at it, with a sigh, she enters.  Saul follows. No one else appears to be here. Oh no! A suicide! He can prevent this if he can return. Come on, return!

But he stays there, helpless, as she walks into her bedroom and sits on her bed. He tries bombarding her mind with positive thoughts, with reasons to live. She just sits there, staring off into space. Maybe she won’t. But then, why is he here?

She moves, reaching for her phone.  ‘That’s it! Call someone, texts someone, reach out!’ In his mind and out his mouth, he yells this. Moving closer, he sees what she is doing.

“No! No! Please, come on. There is so much to stay here for.”

She, oblivious to the man trying to safe her life, sits and enters a message. “I am sorry. It just hurts to much to stay. Goodbye.” He watches it as she sends it out as her Facebook story. Hell! She then reaches in the drawer and pulls out several prescription bottles.  Emptying them on her bed, she then takes the bottle of water from her nightstand and starts to take them. Saul tries reaching out to take them but he really isn’t here and can do nothing. She gets towards the last ones and falls, facedown, on the bed. Saul is back in the library.

He sprints to the office phone and dials up Detective McKay. “Yes, at 471 Georgia Ave.  Ambien and Benadryl. I tried. She couldn’t hear me.” Despite the detectives reassurance, he still feels horrible as he waits to hear. Not hopeful. That much, she is surely dead or so close she might as well be.

“We found her. They tried but..”

“Yeah, thought as much.”

“Look Saul, she wasn’t alone..”

“Might as well been.” He wants to scream, throw things. His rage has no where to go. How can he be mad at the victim even if she is her own killer?

“You were there, whether she knew it or not. She didn’t die alone. That counts for something. We found her, not a relative or friend. That counts too.”

“Thank you. I am going to head home and try to..”

“I’m sorry.”