Unchangeable

Chapter 27

Her courage amazes him. Even after he drops her off and is home, he can’t  stop thinking about it. Some say he is courageous, doing what he does when traveling. Maybe, but he didn’t  choice that. She chose what was best for her child, regardless of her own feelings. To hold a newly born baby, to look at him, cuddle him, breath in the scent of his skin then hand him over to the woman that he will call, mommy, no, that takes more courage then he possesses. And woman are supposed to be the weaker sex! He doesn’t  think so.

He prepares for bed and thinks of his own mom about how she lost so many babies. Was her grief as deep as Emily ‘s? He shakes his head as he brushes his teeth. Of course it was. Both had to give up their children. Emily to his adoptive parents and his mom back to God.  He wonders how his dad felt. It wasn’t  spoken about in his household. He surely wasn’t  going to open old wounds by asking him now. But he had to feel something too. They were his children also. And what of the man who got Emily pregnant? He had to give permission for the adoption also. Did he feel the loss or was he just relieved he wouldn’t  have to take responsibility? 

He climbs into bed and places his hands behind his back. Would she want more children, if they get that far? Would another child be seen as a replacement for Isaiah? He hadn’t given much thought to children and whether he wanted them. Young,  where he wanted to be in his career, he has time. He still does it is just now, he can picture a little boy, with their curls and his mommy ‘s tan skin, sitting at a table, in the library. Emily reading to him. Isaiah, of course. 

A laugh. They have been on one date. He needs to slow down.  But as he drifts off to sleep, he sees him. Dreams of him.