He wasn’t going to answer the phone. Laying on his sofa, staring at the television but not really seeing it, the sound turned almost all the way down, he is the picture of despair. He had ignored other calls but something told him to pick this one up.
“Hello.” Listless with barely any volume.
“Saul, I just heard. Are you alright?”
“Who is this?” It isn’t like he really cares.
“Dr. Martin, Nadia, the lady that interviewed you.”
“Oh right. I’m not doing well. How did you find out?”
“Detective McKay called me. She is worried about you and thought..”
“I needed to speak to a psychologist, eh? I appreciate it but..”
“Please don’t hang up. A psychologist, yes but also a friend, or at least a could be one. Saul, vent to me please. It isn’t good to hold all that in. Give it to me.”
“That wouldn’t be fair to you.” He turns off the television and flops onto his back, committed to the conversation, anyway.
“Please Saul, I can take it really. I hear the repressed anger in your voice. That can turn to depression real easy. Let it out.”
Can and is. How can he help others if he falls into the pit of despair. “Alright Nadia. I am angry, furious. To have such a gift and not be able to stop her from taken her own life. Why would God allow me to rescue Hank and not his sister. To stop some violence and not others! It is bullshit! If she could have just heard me. But no. I just stood there and watched her take pill after pill until she was dead. I even reached for them, to try to stop her. I couldn’t because I wasn’t really there. Before,” a slight bitter chuckle, “before my gift evolved, I would have felt bad but not helpless. I had came to understand my role as being a watcher. But now, I am a participant, some times. Being thrust back in the role of watcher is one hell of a trick. I don’t like it . I hate it! Either keep me a participant or make me fully a watcher but not the back and forth. It is wrong! Awful!
These trips are bad enough. To be right there while people hurt others but, lately, with me being able to help, it wasn’t so bad. I don’t know if I can handle just being there again. And the truly horrible part is I never know when or if it will happen. I am at its mercy. “
He stops, breathing hard but feeling a bit better. She was right. He did need to vent.
“Better?”
“I am. Thanks for listening.”
“I am glad it helped. I wish I could fix this for you. If it helps, I am using the interview and the old trips, nice way to characterize it by the way, to try to figure out what is causing this.”
“Nice,” his breathing and heart rate is settling down to normal again, “any luck.”
“Not yet, but I am not giving up.”
“Thanks.”
“Saul, have you had anything to eat today?” How did she know that!
“Ah, no.”
“You know what I am going to say.” He can hear her eyebrows raise. It brings a laugh.
“Yes mom.” He stands and walks into the kitchen, “Heading to the kitchen now.”
“I am going to stay on here until you have made something to eat.”
“Yes ma’am.” She listens as he tries up eggs and as the toaster pops up. He takes a picture of his completed meal and sends it to her.
“Now eat it all. May I call and check on you tomorrow.”
“Please do. Thank you Nadia.”
“Welcome Saul. Truly happy to help.” He hangs up and sits down to eat.
YOU ARE READING
Unchangeable
Mystery / ThrillerBased on a Tumblr prompt, Saul Rosen is an ordinary guy, accept for his ability to see murders being committed. He can't stop them or change them in any way. He just stands as a silent witness. A witness who is able to then report the details to the...
