Before We Fall

Part 1, Chapter 30

T.W- Disordered eating

Alivia's POV

We had made it to our last day in Miami, meaning we only had about three months left before the end of the first leg of the tour. Sunlight streamed through the gaps in my hotel room curtains as I scrolled through Instagram. I shifted slightly, sinking deeper amongst the sheets. My phone buzzed in my hand as I message from Sky appeared at the top.

Waterboy

Hey

Me and the boys are gonna
walk the boardwalk and get
some ice cream in like 30

Wanna come

*the boys and I

I will uninvite you

ok sorry

I'll go if you're willing to
transport

Why do you never have a
rental car

the theater is always within
walking distance and also trauma

...

Oh yeah

Pick you up in 20?

works for me

I sighed, setting my phone down on the nightstand next to me. It was almost noon, and Stephanie was long gone so I guess it was time to be a person.

It wasn't that cold out, especially for February, so I changed into a pair of dark jean cutoffs and an oversized AC/DC t-shirt I had stolen from Sky a few days prior.

I glanced in the mirror and gently rubbed at the bags that had recently moved in under my eyes. I knew it was a side product of the, well, bad habit I had recently developed. Nothing a little concealer couldn't fix, probably.

I left my hair down and looped a scrunchie over my wrist, taking a deep breath in the mirror when I heard Sky unlock the door. When we arrived in Miami, Stephanie and I agreed to give Sky a third room key at every tour stop hereinafter. I had left the bathroom door open, so he walked over and leaned against the doorway.

"Is that my shirt?" He asked.

"Maybe."

He rolled his eyes. "Let's go. The guys are waiting." I grabbed a white hoodie that I also stole from Sky off my bed, pulling it over my head as he left.

I followed him to the hotel elevator, which for whatever reason covered with mirrors.

"Hey," he bumped my arm. "We should take a picture."

"Why?"

"Why not? It's just us, and there's nothing wrong with a good mirror photo. Plus, I need more photos of you."

We decided on what photo we would take, and managed to get a clean shot just as the elevator opened on the ground floor. I jumped out of his arms and he held his phone out to show me.

I smiled. "That's cute," I said, taking my hair down as we walked out of the elevator. "Send it to me."

"Dude, hurry up," Josh said, materializing in front of us.

I laced my fingers through Sky's and smiled up at him as we walked to his car. Somehow, we got there first and I managed to get shotgun with him driving and Josh, Ben, and Demarius crammed in the back.

"Hey, why does Alivia get to sit in the front?" Josh protested. "All three of us are taller than her."

"Because he likes me the best."

"That's true," Sky attested, taking my hand and pressing a kiss to my knuckles.

"You people disgust me." 

We all made boring small talk that I couldn't remember the rest of the drive, and soon enough the five of us had finally made it to the boardwalk.

"Get out of my car, idiots."

I pressed my hand to my chest in mock offense. "You're really gonna treat your girlfriend like that?"

"Yes." 

I sighed, intentionally melodramatic, and stepped out of Sky's car. He walked around the other side of the car and slid an arm around my waist, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

The five of us wandered around the boardwalk, stopping every so often for whatever reason someone came up with. Eventually, Ben proposed that we all get ice cream from a stand we approached. My stomach churned at the thought of eating in front of everyone, but I tried my best to act like nothing was wrong.

As soon as Sky pressed a waffle cone with a scoop of mint chocolate chip into my hand, I could feel my mind run calculations. 121 calories in a waffle cone, 320 in the ice cream, but I've burned about 200 from walking today, and-

"Liv," Sky said, pulling me back down to earth. "You there?"

"Yeah, sorry. Just spaced out."

"Alright. Well, we're moving." I could tell he wasn't convinced, but saying anything would immediately make me sound guilty of something. So I didn't say anything. When he turned around, I threw the cone away, guilt brewing in the pit of my stomach, and followed him.

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We all walked the rest of the boardwalk and no one said anything about my mysterious lack of ice cream. Soon enough, it was close enough to the show that we needed to start heading back to Sky's car. At the end of the boardwalk, there was a half dirt/half asphalt road that lead back to the parking lot, but no one would be dumb enough to drive on, so we decided to take a more scenic route as opposed to back the way we came.

I walked along with Sky, partially leaning against him for support. I was more exhausted than normal, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out why.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Sky asked when I stumbled against the rocky road.

"Yes, really. I'm just a bit tired, is all."

"Well, in that case..." 

I shrieked as Sky grabbed my waist and lifted me a good three feet into the air, my hair flying everywhere from the wind. He started to put me down, but I wrapped my legs around his waist and threw my arms around his neck, leaning in to kiss him. "You are the worst," I mumbled against his mouth.

"I know."

I dropped to the ground but didn't pull away until Josh spoke up.

"Can you two, like, speed this up or something? We need to get to the theatre, like, now."

I begrudgingly pulled away and started walking, my arm still tangled with Sky's as we moved. So this is what it feels like to fall in love. 

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hey y'all, just wanted to take a sec and talk to you about something. i've been in the same place alivia's in right now, and i know that it is hell. if you've been there you know, and if you're trying to get out, just know that my inbox is always open if you need someone to talk to and you are beautiful, loved, and valid.

The National Eating Disorder Association Hotline: 1-800-931-2237
Or, for my socially anxious friends, text "NEDA" to 741-741

 know that you are loved and valid. love you all lots!