DEAR L

Living For Livi

JENNIE

I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Jason was not around. He was checking on me most of the time and reminded me of my monthly check ups but on this important day, he's not here. It's fine. All I want is Lisa to be here. It breaks my heart not having my love right beside me to hear our baby's first cry and to giggle with me when we see her first smile. If only Lisa could see our features combined together, she will surely be the happiest person on earth.

Olivia. No deep meaning. I just want her to be Olivia and call her my Livi. I love you so much, child! I couldn't stop smiling while looking at her in my arms. Inspecting every inch of her face reminds me how much I love Lisa. 

I promise to raise you and mold you to become the person you want to be. I will protect you and make sure you'll be fearless in a good way. I just love you. Someday, you will meet the other half where you came from and you will be proud that you are hers too. 

I'm in the middle of pain and joy to be honest. My emotions keep going back to wanting Lisa to be here beside me. I really miss her. I want no one but her.

But I have to be in proper state for my daughter. We have to live a healthy and happy life because I know that the day will come and we will be complete again. 

Months passed by and I have noticed Jason has been mad. I don't want my child to call him "Dad". He is insisting and wants Livi to be registered under his name. No. Sorry. The rights are only for Lisa and I, no one else's. He would get really mad but later on asks forgiveness for the way he acted.

I thanked him for giving me a digital camera that I requested. I just want to document every milestone of my Liv. And wishing that someday, I will be able to let Lisa see what she missed. 

He also gives me roses. Takes me out for dinner. But it's clear to him that whatever happens, I only love one person and that's Lisa. I am not giving him hope. I am not showing him that we have a chance. But he doesn't stop courting me. How can I trust a person who has different personalities? There are days that he is so kind, but when he is not in good mood, he would have a hard time managing his anger. He would even yell at me. And how can I love another person when my heart only belongs to one? I don't know where this goes but I believe Lisa and I will meet again. One day, I will be free. One day, I won't sacrifice myself without willingness anymore. 

No one can ever replace Lisa in my life. She is my contentment, my pain, my happiness and freedom. Lisa is my colorful view of life. With her, I can see the world in two phases— the dream and reality. And when we are together, every palette shines and has meaning. 

LISA

I have been staying here in Italy for five months now. There was a never a day that I did not think of Jennie and our child. She probably gave birth and our child is possibly 5 months by now. 

My stay was only supposed to be for a month, but I kept extending because I was offered so many short classes and workshops on business. I really want to learn. But sometimes, I also go back to Korea to see if everything is in place at The Golden L and K TV Media. I am just thankful that our staffs are very helpful and dedicated to their jobs. I also got to check Mom from time to time and her recovery is really a proof that miracles do exist. Believe it or not, she is healing. I pray that one day, she'll be totally fine. But she always looks for Jennie. She cries telling me how much she misses her and hopes to see her really soon. It really breaks my heart. Dad also won  as the Vice President of our country now. He said that I was a big help on his journey. He acknowledged me as his child in the public. I even used my DJ L page on Facebook to campaign for him and it worked. There are still people who hated me because they can't accept who I am. But hell I care. 

"Lisa? Lisa, is that you?" I heard a man's voice at my back while I am having a sip of my coffee at this old-fashioned café nearby my rented place.

"Kai? Oh my god!" This man has become so fine! He's my classmate when we were in high school. 

He hugged me so tight and couldn't believe that we are seeing each other right now here in Italy.

"What are you doing here? Do you work here now?" He asked and seated in front of me. 

"I am learning business. How about you? It's been years, man!" I am so happy to see him.

"I work as a school bus driver in an International school thirty minutes away from here. I guess, I should get your number so we can bond and whenever you need me, I'm just one call away." He insisted and I gladly gave him my number and got his too.

He was running late for another job and left. I am just happy to know someone here. I have been alone for months and no time to make friends. My classmates invite me sometimes but I really don't spend too much of my time with people. Let's say, I am still carrying this pain inside me and I just want to be all by myself or RM, V, Rosé and Jisoo whenever in I'm in Korea. 

I admit, there are times that I am losing hope. I don't know if there's still a chance for Jennie and I to meet. I don't even know where she is. But deep in my heart, I know that she is thinking of me too. The love that we had was never your ordinary love. It was a love that everyone else wanted. We may be hiding for years, but what's important is how we treated each other with so much respect. 

It's getting dark and I noticed I have stayed here at the café for so long. I decided to find a good Italian restaurant and have puttanesca for dinner and a glass of old wine.

I found this old building but it's really loaded with people which means they really serve legit Italian food in here. Waited for my turn and a tall lady guided me to my table. I never assumed whole my life but I can sense she has this different stares towards me. Sorry. No time for love. I mean, all my time is just for Jennie. 

After I ate my food and savored the wine down my throat, I decided to grab some beer nearby my place again. 

The night is young and since I don't have a class tomorrow, why not enjoy the night?

I didn't notice I have consumed more than five bottles of beer already. I may be a club hopper in my younger days as a DJ before but I never drink too much. I'm a bit dizzy and I plan to finish this one last bottle and bring myself home. 

I could see a lady approaching my seat at the bar. She looks familiar.

"Hi. You alone?" She asked while I am focused on finishing the bottle. I just nodded.

"Mind if I join you?" Why? I want to be alone.

I looked at her and she's the lady at the Italian restaurant who served my food.

"I'm also going home after this." I said.

"Looks like you drank much, huh?" She is trying to start a long conversation and—.

Why does she really have to hold my inner thigh?

"I'm fine." I said and gave her a short smile.

She came closer to me.

"I really find you attractive. Hmmm. I wonder if you would like to continue at my place?" She whispered. I was a sex god with different women before I met Jennie. Don't try me.

I smiled and stood up. 

"Thank you. You are so pretty. But I still believe that my girlfriend is the prettiest and she's all I can ever see. Have a great time and take care of yourself, lady." I just winked at her and left the place.

As I walk towards my place, I couldn't help but cry.

I am so in love with Jennie Kim and I really can't take cheating on her even if she is married, even if it's fake with someone else. 

I know that I and our child just own her heart.