Pain in my ass!!!

Home sweet hell!!!

Maia pov... I started walking from Hen and Karen's house with all my stuff which is one duffle back actually my old one from when I was in the military and it has my last name and what I was in the army but I make sure that I have it turned around whenever I bring it places so people can't tell that I was in the army.  I know what you guys are going to say about why I am hiding the fact that I was in the army but look the second people find out you were in the army you get looked at differently, people look at you like you are better than everyone else and when jobs find out you get put at the top of the chain even that may not have been even what you wanted. Everyone treats you like royalty whether you were in the war or not and I don't like that I have always wanted to make sure I feel like I am earning what I am set to work for whether it be a job or getting an apartment or buying a house it doesn't matter everyone one wants to give you special treatment and that's just not what I want. Anyways so I keep walking and walking till I find myself somewhere I that I would never be again if I could help it but here we are, let's just say starting a new life after the military and starting in L. A has been even harder. So if you must know where I am standing at the door to and no, no I am not the door you guys think I am, I open the door, and before walking in I just step a little closer and take it in and remember everything that had happened and see the all the stains the mess that was made earlier that week, and take it all in I try to convince myself not to do this and that I can find another place to stay but I don't have a single place I could think of but my old apartment with blood stains and shattered plates all over nothing home sweet hell. 

I take a big sigh and let all my shame and embarrassment from having to go back here after I had promised myself I would never come back here but you know desperate time causes desperate measures, I walk in and keep looking around remembering everything about that night and the fact that he just left to me bleed out on the floor and now wants to fucking stalk me, you can come for all you want after for me when you tried to fucking kill me and leave for dead then go ahead. Well I can tell you that I won't be sleeping a wink all night, I dragged one of our kitchen tables to the middle of the room facing the door and I set my duffle bag down next to me and opened it a little and grabbed my gun and I sat there holding it towards the door ready for anything to happen and I am prepared to anything I need to do. I let pieces of shit like Paul fuck with me especially not twice, I sat there for about 3 hours with no noise and no Paul then I start hearing someone wiggling the hand of the door and I was hoping someone just mistook it for their apartment and will be move on but they kept wiggling it and then my fear happened they started knocking and knocking very loudly may I add. So I get up very very slowly with my gun hidden behind my back and I look through the peephole on my door and for some reason, I take a sigh of relief seeing who it was even though I am not sure why he is here or knew how I was here at all, so I quickly tucked my gun tucked in jeans and I covered it with my shirt and praying he won't see it or god forbid ask why I have it with me. I open the door slowly and he smiles but not one of those genuine smiles but one of those dripped in pity and sadness for a person and that is just not something I needed right now not with how I was feeling at the moment and to be honest scared as fuck if that knock would have been someone else, I just stand there as Buck walks in taking in my whole apartment and then looks at the chair in the middle of the room and looks at me up and down and then finally says were you expecting someone? I try to stay calm and not give anything away because he shouldn't be involved all I have been trying to do is make sure that if shit goes down no one else will get hurt but me.

It's because of my bad decisions that I am here and I would hate for someone else to get hurt because of it Buck has already had to sit in a jail cell because of me so I won't let anything like that happen ever again. So I need to figure out how to get him to leave without drawing any attention and without him seeing that I have my gun on me right now because that's going to make things a lot worse. He turns around and looks at me and gets a very serious face on and asks what I am doing here and I look at him and say I could ask the same question, like seriously how did you find me here and do you usually go for walks at night and stop by random peoples apartment? He only when they promised me they were never going to back there apartment when something horrible happened, I started glaring at him because this is none of his business and he really shouldn't be here. I said look this is none of your business and I don't know why you are here but you need to leave, and he said look I came here because I hadn't seen you after the awkwardness at my apartment and I said oh that wasn't awkward you just had a bimbo open your door while you were in the shower and then came to door in a towel but yeah no that wasn't awkward at all, anyways he said I came to talk to you at Hen and Karens and they said that you left a couple of hours ago and said they weren't sure where you would be going and that you didn't tell them where you were going or whose place you would be staying at but they did tell me what you said to Karen about Paul and I whipped my head around in shock that they would tell him about what we talked about and in shock that he would come here knowing that Paul could be stalking me or him or both. But he came here anyway knowing damn well that he could get hurt after my shock had warned off which is just barely so I make direct eye contact and say if you know all this Buck then why are you here? because from my view you are just trying to make things worse again!! 

His eyes widen in shock or what I can only guess is shock never can tell with his dumb-ass faces he makes all the time, anyways he keeps looking at me like that and I can't take his face for that long so I finally yell OH, MY GOD!! what is it and he raises his voice and says what do you mean again? I said I'm sorry what? He said as he raised his voice a bit you said you keep making things worse again! I didn't know what to say because when he said that, I was trying to think if I should tell him why all this has happened and then all of the yelling, the screaming, the punching and throwing of things across the room it call came rushing through my head and in that moment I decided I am going to tell him why this all happened and why he had to see me half dead at the hospital bed at 2 am. 

He finally breaks the silence by saying so what's going on Maia!! I shake myself out of my memories wait sorry wrong word my daymare from everything Paul has put me through, I look at him and I said look as I raised my voice at him YOU WERE RIGHT!! OK!!! you were right from the beginning with Paul he was abusing me for a while but he didn't start like that he was sweet and kind and thoughtful, and then one day we got into a little argument and he ended up throwing a few things and it was over and he immediately apologized and said it would never happened but then another fight happened and he threw stuff in my directions and then ended up punching the wall right beside my head as he had me pinned against the wall with his other arm and his body weight and then stopped and apologized and apologized and I stupidly forgave him over and over and then once you came into the picture it got a lot worse he got so jealous all the time kept asking me to quit the fire acedmy several times because he didn't like knowing I was surrounded in class room full of men my age especially you and that's why whenever you showed up at the house I would try to get you to leave immediately but looks like I am not on stubborn person here, but that before everything happened I went to your apartment to talk to you and then I went home and lied to him about where I was because I knew he would be pissed and I thought I was avoiding a fight or worse a beat down on me but what I got was much worse I got weird calm Paul who told me to sit and that he made dinner and bought some wine for us and so I sat down we sat there in silence for a few minutes then he started with all his questions and then prove I am lying everytime and by then I just stayed silent and try not piss him off but then he just start throwing stuff and so so angry I had never ever seen him like that and well you know how that story ends. 

Before I knew my word vomit was out and I realized that I just told him everything and I didn't even mean to I just couldn't stop and he's staring at me and still hasn't said a word and I have no clue what his reaction will be to what I just told him. He just kept staring and then walking towards me and I was getting a little freaked out I had no clue what he was doing and I figured he was just going to leave because that was way to much information but he came straight up to me and gave me a big long hug and then disconnects from me and says you know you could have told me and I would have helped you as much as I could and I wish I hadn't said what I said next but it just came out, I snapped back what do you know about domestic abuse. I could tell that hurt him and felt bad immediately for saying but I honestly didn't expect what he was going to say next, after the hurt left his face he said your wrong and I said what? he said your wrong I do have experience with domestic violence actually my sister was married to this man that she met in college and it seemed perfect from the outside and they had been for 8 years till she ran away to L.A when I eventually ran into her she still acted like everything was fine till her husband found her and almost killed her when that happened the entire family started looking things up to help someone that has been through domestic violence and there are so many resources out there. There are domestic violence shelters, there are group therapies, I can help you I could drive you to one right now and you are not legally obligated to tell anyone you are there you will be safe there I promise. I was about to say something and he interrupted me before I said a single syllable he says please please let me help you!! 

I could stop thinking about this why does he want to help me, maybe because of his sister or maybe because of what my sister said to me in a fever dream it is crazy that I keep thinking about this but that can't be the case there's no way he likes me I mean look at me I am a fucking mess and absolutely no one in their right mind would or should date me, but then he said if your not going to a shelter you're going to stay with me I can't let you stay here it is bad for you to stay in place this after what you went through and what if he comes back here I don't want anything bad to happen to you.......