Pain in my ass!!!

I think I died

So Paul walked out of the room and I thought he was just going to go to his room and let me bleed out in the living room but then I heard a door slam and I realized that this fucker just stabbed me and then left the crime scene and let me bleed the fuck out on our carpet and at this moment I have no clue what is going to happen now, I was already gasping for my breaths and I could feel the blood filling up in my lungs and if I don't figure out a way to get the help I am going to die on this floor with the embarrassment of knowing that I let my boyfriend abuse me and over and over till eventually well this happened. If someone asked me a year or two ago how I saw my life going I would have said I did not expect to live this long I thought I was going to die that day in Iraq I was prepared to die in Iraq fighting for my country and sacrificing my self for my fellow soldiers and I was okay with that, that's why I joined I would rather die fighting for my country then dying from drugs or something stupid in a stupid small town. This whole situation reminds me of that day in Iraq and how there is just no way I should have made it but I did and that was my chance to start over and do something that mattered just as much as fighting for my country and then I looked into being a firefighter and after looking into it a bit I decided that what I wanted to do with my life but before I had chosen that new adventure before we go any further I feel like you guys should get a look into how and when I met Paul and why I have stayed with him so long.

                                                                          Flashback to a year and a half ago......

I met Paul right after my accident he was my nurse yes I know before you say anything it is extremely cliche but he was much different back then, than he is now and he was so sweet and kind and he helped me a lot not only with healing but with helping me get a therapist to talk about everything Ive been through and help work through the post-traumatic stress disorder and then after I finally got out of the hospital, Paul kept checking on me rather it was a text or an email and then we started going out for coffee and we would just sit and talk for hours about how I am doing with everything and being back in the real world and talk about how nursing is going for him and what our goals are for our lives and we seemed to have a lot in common at the time and then finally after a month or so he asked me on our first date and we went to a nice dinner date and then after a few more dates, he made it official and everything was great. Paul was the best boyfriend a girl could ask for he would bring me flowers all the time, he would take me out every Friday night, he would get me gifts every now and then and he was honestly the sweetest human being on the planet and I honestly didn't know how I got so lucky. Then one night we were having dinner at his place and I accidentally spilled wine on his carpet I thought it was no big deal I apologized over and over and said I would sit there and scrub it all night but he swears up and down that it was fine and he said just to come to eat the dinner I made and I said okay and sat down and everything seemed fine and he said so do you usually make a habit of spilling wine on peoples carpets and I thought he was joking but the face he had on suddenly made me realize that he was not joking and so I apologized a hundred more times and he said apologizing isn't going to fix my carpet that has a huge red stain in it and I was so sad and sorry I didn't even know what to say so I stayed quiet and then all of a sudden I hear glass break and I look and it was his wine glass he threw it on the floor and said I guess since my carpet is already stained mine as well let it loose huh? I tried to apologize again but then he asked me to come over to his side of the table and I didn't know any better so I did I thought maybe he just wanted me to sit on his lap so I go over there but what happened was not what I expected he slapped me and said if I ever did that again I would get much worse and honestly I just thought it was a one-time thing because honestly, I would be upset too if someone split something like wine on my carpet too so I just ignored it and thought it would be the only time that would happen and he apologized a lot. So I forgot all about that night and nothing like that happened again till a few months later and then it became a pretty regular thing and then I just got used to it and I was just confused cause he went from super sweet to super upset to super sweet again so it was just something I dealt with when it came up. So after a couple of months, there were no problems and everything seemed picture perfect and then I had made the decision of what I wanted to do for my next career and I decided that I wasn't going to tell Paul till I signed up for the first available which didn't take that long I only had to wait a few weeks and then before I knew it my first class was coming up and I still hadn't told Paul and so that night I decided to make a nice dinner and then I was going to man up and tell him and I was just praying that I wasn't going to get a bad reaction from him, so he got home and I had a nice dinner ready and he seemed to be in a great mood so I was hopefully optimistic. So we were eating dinner and we were halfway done with food and so I decided it was now or never so I clear my throat and say so you know how we have been talking about me getting a new career well I finally think I am ready and he had a sweet smile on his face and said yeah? That's great hun! what were you thinking? and I said well that's the thing you aren't exactly going to like what I chose and he said yeah? well, what is it? I said I signed up for the next firefighting class and it starts in three days! and he dropped the bite he was about to eat and just stared at me for a minute or two I was so nervous about what he was going to say so I blurted out please say something and he says well what do you want me to say? hmm? you went behind my back and signed up for something without talking to me and then you want me to just be okay with it? I was so in shock I thought he would actually be happy for me. So before I could say anything else he just started yelling at me about everything he's done for me and all that and I was mad that he couldn't just be happy for me so I started yelling back and we had one of the biggest fights ever and then it was all stopped by the swift punch in the face he gave along with a kick to the stomach followed by him stomping off to the bedroom after about 20 to 30 minutes I swallowed my pride and my pain and walked to the bedroom to see if we could have a normal talk about everything, after apologizes from both sides we laid in bed and talked everything through and he decided that it was the best for me to go into a career where I was helping saving people and that if I was going to have to move for my job then he was coming with me and I don't ever keep anything from him again and we agreed and that was that. So that's how I got where I am.

Back to the present day...

Anyways I am still here bleeding out on my apartment floor struggling to figure out what I am going to do because I don't know where my phone is Paul left with his phone and I don't want to yell because that will let more blood into my lungs and I'll just die faster and even if I was able to call 9-1-1 I wouldn't want to because I know who's going to get dispatched to my apartment and I think them seeing me like this and having an the idea of what happened would be way worse then dying. So I just lay here trying to take light breaths in and out but that wasn't doing much because I have been laying here for about a half hour now and that's when I decided what I was going to do, I had been graced with a second chance to live and start a new life and I will forever be grateful for that but never do you get a third chance I realized that I have to deal with this which means just get this over with and end it so I say a quick prayer thanking the man upstairs for my second chance and letting me live as long as I have and then I start breathing more and more and heavier and I can feel the blood soaking up my lungs and it getting harder and harder to breath and so I just keep breathing as much as I can till I am more of gasping for air and then I could feel it... that is the life leaving me and then it all went black.............