Pain in my ass!!!

I fucking hate people!!

I am about five minutes away from Bucks apartment and I am thinking about all the things I am about to yell at him and I am getting so furious I can not even believe that he thought it was okay to bring up all that shit at work like who even does that? I keep having flash backs about what just happened at work and it's making me so furious I am I just want to explode with anger  but like I said that wouldn't be a good thing but I just can't stop thinking about everything that has happened with Buck and Paul and I was getting so concentrated on all this that I didn't even notice that all the loose stuff in my car was in the air and then I looked over at the person next to me at the red light and they had this horrified look on there face and I mouthed I'm sorry which I don't even know why I did but everything had dropped on the floor thank god because now I look like a fucking freak and someone saw which is just great that was what I was trying to avoid  but the upside is thats probably the most exciting things they have seen in there whole life and I'll probably never see them again I mean Los Angeles is a big city. So the light turns green and I am about two minutes away now and I am just trying to calm myself so I don't do anything stupid when I get to Bucks and trust me if Buck ever saw any of my freak of nature shit I would never hear the end of it from him and he would probably end up telling everyone because he can't keep his fucking mouth shut, so I just need to keep myself calm because let me tell you something when I freak out and have my not so little freaky mutant episodes I honestly kind of black out and I don't really remember what happens and then I see all the damage I do which trust me isn't pretty. So I finally pull into Bucks apartment complex and I was still trying to calm down because honestly I still kind of want to put in some body bags and put him in the bottom of the ocean but I know I can't do that so I park and take some big breaths and find his apartment number and then take one more big breath and knock on his door and I hear coming and then his door opens up to a shirtless Buck and he says you are not who I expected to see at my door and I said oh were you expecting one of your hook ups are we? He said no of course not unless you want to be my hookup? And I made the puke face and said fuck to the no I am here for a different reason I would like to talk about just who the hell you think you are and why in the fuck did you feel like it was your place to say anything about me and Paul and especially shit that you don't know what your talking about. He gives me a look and says I figured we were going to end up having this conversation but I don't feel sorry or guilty about what I said because I know its true and plus Paul is a total utter prick, so do what do you want from me to say sorry? to tell everyone I lied because I won't because I know its true and you know its true your just hiding it because you are ashamed that you let some one like Paul abuse you. I was so pissed at what he just said I literally can't fucking believe this guys nerve I was just want to punch him in his stupid face but I know that wouldn't do anything to him because it would just end up like the night before when we had a full fledged fight which honestly I would be down for but I don't want to break my other leg because that would be really hard to do. So since I cant punch him in the face and I don't want to explode like a freak I should probably just walk away and I guess I should finally go and have that talk or fight or whatever with Paul, honestly I've never been afraid of going home to talk with Paul but honestly I am a little terrified about how its going to go and his tone of voice didn't sound good and I just have a bad feeling but I got to deal with it. So Buck asked if I have anything else to say to him which ticked me off and I really don't need to say anything else to him so I just flip him off and walk away and he says okay have a nice night Maia and try to be safe and say hi to Paul for me, so I walk to my car and get in and I take a minute to have a little flip out in my car about the whole talk with Buck and the one I'm about to have with Paul. So I get home and with the time that passed by driving back to my place I was ready to get this talk over with Paul, so I get inside and Paul made me dinner and had the table set and food ready and a nice bottle of wine open and I was just so confused because I was sure theres going to be some beer bottles being thrown at me and being sweared at profusely but he's smiling and made me dinner and everything now I don't know if I should be more scared so he comes up to me and gives me a kiss and says I made you food babe and then gave me a kiss and grabbed my hand to bring me to the table but I couldn't help but think that something is up but I don't know yet, so I sit down and just trying to forget about everything and truly hoping that he is actually doing this because he feels bad about everything so I am just giving him a chance and I am hoping that I am right. So we sit down and start eating and its very quiet and awkward and after he downing like 5 whiskey and cokes and who knows how many before I got home so I finally get the courage to talk to him. I ask him if thats enough drinks for the night and he sits up in his chair a little bit and said excuse me what did you just say bitch? and I said nothing I was just wondering if your good on drinks tonight and he said wow you have some fucking nerve don't you bitch, and since we are asking each other questions you got off an hour and half ago so where the hell of you been huh? Oh let me guess I know exactly what you have been doing Buck! and don't even try to tell me thats not true because theres no way he would have said all of that shit out loud to everyone at your work unless you to have been sneaking around and told him about everything between us so tell me what the actual fuck is going on Maia and it better be the best fucking explanation I have ever heard. I didn't even know what to say I had never told anyone anything about our private life its way to embarrassing and I would never want anyone to know how weak of a person I actually that I can't seem to leave the shitty relationship where I get abused every other day or so anyways so I look at him finally after trying to figure out what to say to him but I am just going to tell him the truth even though he might get even more mad but at least I know its the truth, I said look Paul so I went and saw Buck after work but before you say anything just let me tell you the whole story before you say anything please and he said fine go ahead and I said I went and saw him after work to tell that he is a awful person for spreading shit that isn't true especially in front of all my coworkers and then I left and came right back here thats all please believe me I wouldn't lie to you ever. He gives a look that I recognize all to well and he stared at me and didn't say anything squeezing his glass he had and about 5 minutes passed and he still hasn't said anything and I said please say anything and the next thing happened so fast I wasn't even sure it was real he threw his drink glass at my face and now I have glass pieces in my face but even with glass pieces in my faces I couldn't even move I was shocked and of course now Paul has something to say. Paul says now look who's the one that can't say something I made you a nice dinner and you are such an unappreciative bitch,  he gets up and tries to come near me and  I immediately back up and try to walk away but he grabs my hair and throws me to the ground says are you finally going to tell me the truth about you and Buck and I didn't say anything because I knew he still wouldn't believe me at all. Then he just started kicking me and kicking me and kicking me and then he asked again if I wanted to tell the truth and that I would feel better if I told him and that we could get past it and of course I still didn't say anything and then walked away I thought maybe he was done with his fit for the night but all I could do is lay here, he had never hurt me this much before and right as I was thinking that I heard his foot steps and then I quickly looked up to see what he's doing and then I saw what he was holding he had grabbed a kitchen knife and was walking towards me and then yet again he asked me if I wanted to tell him what was going on while he was standing over me with the knife and I started begging and pleading him to not do this and he said I won't do this if you tell me the truth right here and now and I said fine I'll tell you the truth Paul, I will never and have never cheated on you and would absolutely never cheat on you with Evan Fucking Buckley please I am begging you believe me and he said fine I am really sorry I have to do this but you left me no choice and then before I knew it he stabbed in the stomach and right leg and then took out the knife threw it next to me and just left the room.................