𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆~ 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐔𝐌 𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐃

𝒷𝒶𝒷𝓎𝓁𝑜𝓃

Calum's POV a day after the last chapter

I heard my alarm go off and I realized that it was already 7am. I didn't sleep, my thoughts full of Lorena and everything that had happened. All night I felt like a coward the way I just left. I had so many things I should have told her. All the times I felt like showing up to her apartment, to tell her I love her and do anything for her to love me too. But I was scared to hurt her more.

So now for the last four months I've been writing. And everything I write always ends up being about her. I've tried so many times to do something else and it never works. I feel like all the thoughts in mind lead to her as well. I wish I could go back to that night and go to her. Or the morning she broke up with me I should have begged and pleaded for her to stay with me. I felt like I just gave up on us so easily and I wish every night that I could go back to that morning.

I had only blamed it on Lorena as if I wasn't the one that would forget dates more than half of the time. I had no excuses for forgetting them. The only thing is Lorena was the first woman I fell in love with. I didn't know what love was till she took me and showed me. And I'm just an idiot that didn't take her love and commitment seriously. I met her when i was 19 and I was touring still and even then I knew she was not like every other chick that i would have a night with. I had loved her for 2 years before I grew enough of a pair to kiss her.  

Now i ruined it all we hadn't even been dating for a whole year before i fucked it up. I was still so in love with her I don't think I'll ever not love her. But, just the thought of her not loving me makes my stomach drop. The thought of her with anyone else. Making them feel the same way she made me feel makes me angry and hurt but at the same time I know that I can't do this to myself or her. If we're over I need to accept that and let her live her life. I need to stop this.

For the last 3 months all of the things I've seen of her and that Maya chick has hurt me deep. And I felt the need to do it to her too although deep down I knew that she possibly didn't give a fuck. So I met up with Nia. She was in Hey Violet, a band we had toured with before. I had zero intention of sleeping with her, But that night we had too much to drink and ended up in bed together.

That morning when I woke up I felt sick to my stomach. The fact that I had slept with someone that wasn't Lorena made me feel awful. I got up, got dressed and left her house. She's tried texting me a couple of times but I can't face her. I know Nia would understand if I told her but I would feel worse. I have this feeling that I need to tell Lo but she's probably done worse to me. Especially with Maya or whatever her name is.

Thinking of it just makes me angry. She's moving along just fine and I'm over here crying over the fact that I tried to move on. The issue is that everything that I do that I did at some point did with her. I'm just comparing how different everything felt with her. All I can ever think of is her. And after last night I feel like it's just gotten worse.

**Time skip 2 hours**

As I walked in the studio I was surprised to only see Mikey here. "Where are the boy's mate?" I asked as I found my spot on the coach. "Uh i'm not sure actually but we can't wait for them or if you have something for us to go over we can." I nodded my head as I heard him and I sat there and thought for a minute. I looked at my notebook and opened to see if there was something. The first thing that came to mind was a song I wrote like a month ago.

"Uhh there's this. I wrote it a bit ago. It's about Lorena. Obviously I feel like this fits some vibe of what I've been showing you guys." I said slowly while moving toward him and finding the page for it. "Lemme see it!" I could tell he was excited. "Mate, it's not that great calm down." I said while shaking my head and laughing a bit. He punched my shoulder in a joking manner. " Calum the last 5 songs you gave are so fucken good. Now shut up and show me!" I found the pages and showed Mikey.