𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆~ 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐔𝐌 𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐃

𝓂𝑜𝓇𝑒

* Lorena's POV*

As soon as those words left my mouth my stomach dropped. I felt like running out of the room but my legs wouldn't move. I knew that I had acted on what my heart wanted and not my mind. Because in my mind I still shouldn't be talking to him. In my mind I still need to be fixed from what happened with us. But in my heart I need him in order to fix myself. 

There was a moment where no one spoke. We were at a stand still just looking at each other. As I was staring into his eyes I couldn't help but notice how sad and broken he looked. His once full cheeks looked hollow, his hazel eyes looked bloodshot and the bags under his eyes almost looked fake. 

 Regret was starting to swallow me alive as our eyes were locked on each other. I started for the door and in an instant he was grabbing my arm. 

"Please don't leave, I need to talk to you please." He said with his pleading voice and eyes. I knew what I wanted at that moment. "Okay" I nod and turn to Luke who's just looking at us. "Lu I'll be back in a bit if i need anything I'll text you." A simple soft yes is heard from his lips.  

 We quietly walked out the studio, with me leading us to his car. As we got in, the smell of his cigarettes and cologne invaded my senses. I looked out the window as he drove. We both just sat in silence neither daring to say a word. I looked out the window and noticed that we were driving toward a cute park a few streets from Luke's house .

We step out and go toward the swings where we loved to sit and talk late nights when we were sad or stressed. I just looked at him and waited for him to start. 

"'M so sorry for just leaving the other night. I should have stayed and let us actually have this conversation that day but I was just so annoyed and frustrated after everything that had happened prior to that night. 0And it's still not a good enough excuse for the way I acted and I just can't stop thinking about it. And in the back of my mind I know that you probably don't actually want to be here right now but thank you for coming with me anyway ." he said trying to catch his breath after his little ramble.

My words were stuck in my throat. I wanted to so badly tell him it was okay and that we were going to be okay. But realistically we may never be okay again or maybe he doesn't want us to be us again. I had no clue my mind was running at 100 mph as soon as he started talking.

" I also completely understand if you don't want to say anything. I just needed to apologize to you and let you know that I just miss you so much. Lorena, I can't do anything without thinking of you. I just wish that I would have spoken to you sooner and saved both of us from having our worlds shattered. I just wasn't thinking I was upset and hurt and I wanted to hurt you too. And it was so fucked of me to do that to you, because i should've just been there and listened and tried to fix us and i didn't .And I love you still so much Lorena. " by the end of that ramble my tears were flowing. 

My chest felt super tight and I started to lose the ability to breathe. I tried to look up at Calum but my tears were clouding my vision. I could feel the panic start to set in but so could Cal. In an instant I was wrapped in his arms. He then started to paint out all the things around us, something he would do when I had them before. Soon the anxiety faded and all I was feeling was guilt and sadness. I was so guilty for ruining what in hindsight was such a good and happy relationship. Sad and how much time had passed since I was last in his arms.

We sat there for what felt like hours. My tears were still flowing with no signs of stopping. I knew I had to finally say my side of this but I'm too scared to even move from this comfort. 

"Of course I still love you Calum. I'm sorry for everything. That day I could have said we needed to talk but I was just so stressed and annoyed because of what had happened the night before and I just exploded on you. You never deserved that at all Cal. I'm so sorry. And I should have done more than just let you leave the way I did that night. Maybe I could have prevented this all if I could've just said it to you another time. And I feel like shit calum. I feel like I rely on alcohol and I started smoking again and I can see you did too. Oh and Maye is literally no one to me. I swear she just wouldn't leave my place no matter how hard I tried." I said all I could while clinging to his body for the comfort I so desperately need at the moment. 
I could feel his breathing becoming uneven, meaning he was crying. And if there's one thing I never saw cal do is cry and I swear to everything if this man is crying I may just die right here right now. This is not what I had imagined when we came out here tonight. But to be honest I don't know what I was expecting. 

"M sorry for everything Lorena at the end of the day were both to blame for what happened here. And i'm not saying we can just forgive and forget because we most definitely can't but I would love for us to work toward something to help us fix this because truthfully  I can't live without you anymore." Our eyes meet and im paralyzed all over again. 

All I can do is nod my head. As our eyes stay locked I can feel our faces getting closer and closer. Then finally after what feels like years our lips meet.