it'll always be us - euphoria

chapter nine

Ellie's pov
I had a really bad night sleep, I was too busy worrying about Rue. It was currently 8am, she still wasn't awake. I hear a knock on my door and Fez appeared, "Is she okay?" He asks and I shrug. "She woken up yet?" He asks and I just shake my head, not having the energy to talk to him. "You just gonna ignore me forever?" He asks and I just turn over, facing the wall. "It wasn't my fucking choice Ellie, get that into you're fucking head" He yells, losing his temper at me. Fezco never got angry at me and I never got angry at him. Today was an exception, I suppose.

I fought everything in me to ignore him, which only made him more mad. "Leave me alone before I walk out this house" I say, shouting at him which woke Rue up. She woke up confused and looked up at me. "Morning, how you feeling?" I ask, smiling. "Okay I guess, what happened?" she asks.

"That Mouse guy... he drugged you with fentanyl" I say, sympathetically. "Shit" Rue says under her breathe. Fez stands there, looking sorry for himself. "Get the fuck out of my room" I say and he walks away, shutting the door behind him.

"Are you alright?" I ask my best friend, who looked like she was thinking deeply. "I was drugged?" She asks, in disbelief and I just nod. "So I'm not clean anymore" she says to herself. "No. No. No. Don't say that Rue. It wasn't up to you, Mouse would've killed you all if you didn't take it. You're still clean and I'm so fucking proud of you" I say, which makes her smile.

"I'm guessing from that argument before that you and Fez aren't on good terms?" She asks and I nod. "I'm so fucking pissed that he's brought the house into it. I feel like I'm not safe here anymore" I say and Rue nods. "You can come stay with me for as long as you want" Rue says and I nod, taking her up on that offer. I need time away from my brothers.

"Can I take a shower?" Rue asks. "Sure, go ahead. Get whatever you want out of my closet too, what's mine is yours" I say and she thanks me. I decide to pack a bag with some clothes and things I'll need so I can stay with Rue for a little while. After I packed at bag, I headed to my Grandmas room.

Every day, every time that I entered this room, I hoped she would somehow be better and I can hear her voice once more. Realistically, that isn't ever going to happen but I can only hope. I sit on the chair next to her bed, she always looked peaceful. I hold her hand and just rub my finger over her hand.

"I'm gonna go away for a little while. I'll be back to visit you, I promise you Grandma" I say. "I wish you were here, I need you so fucking much. I love you Grandma" I say, kissing his on the forehead and walking out of her bedroom.

I walked back into my room, meeting with a completely showered and dressed Rue who seems to be okay after last night, thankfully. "You sure it's ok for me to stay with you for a little while?" I ask. "Of course, my Mom loves you. You're welcome to stay forever. You're family, El" she says and I nod and update her on the full argument between Fezco and I.

An hour or so later, we began to get ready to leave for Rue's house. I knew I had to say goodbye to Ash though. "Imma stay away for a little bit. Love ya bro" I say, hugging him. He looks confused but just nods, "keep in touch though, love you loser" He says and I smile. "Where's Fez?" I ask Ash. "With Grandma" He says. "Wait here a second, Rue" I say and walk quietly to my Grandmas room.

The door was shut but I could still hear what Fezco was saying, it sounded like he was upset. "I dunno what to do, Grandma. She hates me. I need ya, so much. She won't talk to me, which is fair. But like, I need Els. She's my lil sis and my best friend. Fuck! Grandma I wish you were here" I hear him say. I had to walk downstairs before I got too upset. "You ready?" I say to Rue who nods.

Since our bikes were still here, we cycled to Rue's house. I'm glad it was the weekend, that meant no school for a little while. "Wanna get waffles or something?" Rue asks me and I nod. "This is where I meet with Ali sometimes" Rue tells me as we pull up to this diner. She told me about how she goes to NA meetings and talks with Ali, which helps her stay sober.

"Have you ever done drugs?" Rue asks, out of nowhere. "I mean yeah. It's kinda hard not to living with Fez and Ash" I say, honestly. "You like it?" She asks and I nod. "Sure, I mean I never done hard drugs but what I tried I enjoyed. Fezco always use to yell at me when I tried them though, besides weed" I say. "I have the best idea... one night, we should just go watch the sunset and get high" Rue says and I look at her concerned. She was telling me a few days ago how she wanted to stay sober, did the fentanyl have something to do with this?

"No Rue, you need to focus on staying sober" I say, sternly. "Come on El, it'll be a one off" she says and I roll my eyes.

6 hours later
"Yo Rue, this shit is amazing" I say, whilst sat on a garage roof with my best friend, watching the sunset. Rue got her way, we ended up doing cocaine and shit. Truthfully, I don't know why I didn't try this sooner. All my thoughts and worries just disappeared.

"Why did you start doing drugs?" I ask Rue and she looks at me. "I use to look after my Dad when he was sick, he never noticed when I slipped some of his pills in my pocket... I was thirteen" she starts off. "I just thought - this is it. This is the feeling that I have been searching for my entire life, for as long as I remember. Because suddenly...the world went quiet and that felt safe, in my own head. The panic attacks stayed but I found a way to live so..." Rue says, staring into my eyes.

"Would it eventually kill me? Maybe...maybe not. I don't know" She says. "But what I do know is that drugs helped me live longer. I wouldn't of even made it long enough to meet you" She says and I just hugged her. "I wouldn't of met my best friend" She says.

I could get use to this feeling.