𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐈𝐓 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄?" ☡ thoma x ayato

𝙛𝙚𝙖𝙧 (xiv)

"hey thoma, if that's all..could you leave? i want to stream a little and i don't want you to be in it. i don't want people to think i'm dating a ... lowlife"

ᴛʜᴏᴍᴀ
i thought i would've never feel my heart shatter, but i was wrong. every emotion that has been building up till now has just gone down the drain— as if it doesn't matter anymore. i pick myself up from the ground, and slowly walk out the room. i don't bother speaking a word to ayato, because i know he won't listen. is streaming way more important than me? to be honest, my whole body hurts. i feel weak and fragile, and my insides feel weird. i wish ayato cared a little more. i gather up all my clothes, and put them on. limping to the living room, i finally managed to get onto the couch. luckily, ayaka wasn't home yet.

i was bored. i could watch ayato's stream, but that'll be awkward. i scroll through my texts, hoping i could find someone that would be interested in a conversation. would ayaka text me? i mean, i know she's busy but like come on, we're best friends.
i sent a text, nothing too extravagant. a simple "hey ayaka!" was sufficient. i wait
i wait for a few minutes
i wait for a few hours
i wait until my patience runs out
i wait until i finally realise that no one would even bother replying
i wait until i finally realise that i am nothing but a burden to the both of them
i wait, until i no longer am waiting.

i walk myself out the door, because no gentleman would do that. echos of ayato greeting his viewers lingered in my mind. he's that kind to his viewers, but he kicked me out? even after he confessed? was it all a misunderstanding. was i so delusional to think that he would've actually fallen in love. was i the one with the short end of the stick. this always happens to me. i think too much, and end up hurting myself
am i not good enough?

ᴀʏᴀᴛᴏ
i finally log onto twitch. it seemed like forever since i broadcasted something. thoma kept me off schedule, hence my subscribe count dropped. i know love is good and all, but nothing can compare to the subscribers i have. the platform i built from the bottom, all the way to where i am now. the only reason why i'm not an outcast anymore. the only reason why i am happy.
i enter the lobby, waiting for my screen to load up. i decide to check my chat now. i see my fans flooding the chat, along with donations and new subscribers. i smile, knowing how much i would make. the lobby loads up, and i spawn in. i choose my skin, and wait for the game to begin. i adjust my mic, when a door slams open so suddenly.

ᴛʜᴏᴍᴀ
"is a game more fucking important than sending me home? the subway isn't running, and the bus service has stopped."

ayato quickly covers the camera, embarrassed. even though he wears a mask, anger could be seen, written all over his face. i know i've messed up, but it's the only time he'll listen to my confrontation. he says he loves me, and he calls me sweet nothings. is this really love? is leaving your partner alone after sex love? is getting angry at your partner love? is love just sex? that's all ayato thinks i am, right? just a man who will satisfy him, and someone he can sleep around with, no strings attached.

"you tell me you love me then you throw me away, what the fuck do you want now?" i yell. i never yell. ayato makes me feel like i'm standing on train tracks, knowing that it's coming yet i have no way to stop it.

"cry me a river, thoma. you're the one who hasn't given me an answer. so why the fuck must i keep showering you with affection? you're fucking selfish, you know?" ayato affirms.

his voice is no longer calm, and his body towers over me. i shiver in fear, unaware of how intimidating he is. my heart feels wrecked, like a car fresh out of a breakup. all our bonds have been nothing but a facade, all just for ayato to not lose face. just so he could play me. nothing could compare to what i feel right now.

(muhahaha)