Never to love again - girlxgirl

Never to love again - girlxgirl Chapter 10 Happiness and heartache

Linkin was almost a year old now and it had been a perfect year so far.  He had been the easiest baby to raise and I sometimes wondered to myself why some mothers complained about the hardships of bringing up their children.  Linkin had slept through from seven weeks, spat his dummy out at three months and never taken it again, and had even weaned off his bottle at a year without batting an eyelid.  The only real trouble was the fact that I hadn't yet managed to lose all the weight I had picked up while I was pregnant with Linkin.

We celebrated Linkin's first birthday with a huge birthday bash at the house we had been renting.  Lacey and I had bought a small piece of ground in a beautiful security estate and the plans for our dream home had been drawn up.  We were in the process of hiring a suitable building contractor and everything seemed to be coming together for us.......or so I thought.

Two weeks after the birthday bash, I came home to Lacey standing at our front door.  "Where's Linkin?" I asked as I looked through the house for him.  "He's gone to visit my sister for a while, we need to talk," she said, as she motioned me towards the couch in our living room.  I sat down, wondering if there had been a problem with the building plans or an issue with the contractor's quote.  Lacey wasted no time in coming to the point, "I'm not happy.  I need some time on my own to decide if I want to be with you."

I sat there flabergasted.  "E....excuse me?" I replied in shock.  "Where the hell does this come from all of a sudden?  Things have been going so well lately and what about Linkin?  What happened to all the promises you made to us?"

Lacey sat on the couch staring at me.  "Answer me!" I yelled in frustration.  "Where the fuck is all this coming from?  Are you messing around with someone again?" I asked in anger.

"No, no!  It's nothing like that."  Lacey responded, "It's just, it's just, I don't feel the same way about you anymore.  You've picked up a lot of weight since you fell pregnant with Linkin and I just don't feel sexually attracted to you like I should.  I just need six months to sort myself out and then we can maybe get back together."

"Oh, ok Lacey.  So, should Linkin and I just hang around somewhere for you to decide what the fuck you want to do with your life and then welcome you back with open arms once you've finished screwing around with whoever you want!  Fuck you Lacey, in case you forgot, you weren't the slimmest of people when I met you and now you have the audacity to stand here and judge me and not want me because I don't look like I did seven years ago!  I'm going to fetch my son and when I get back, I don't want to see you!"

I cried the whole night through as Lacey's words echoed through my mind.  I was livid at her insensitivity and the harshness of her words, but also crushed as I realised that I no longer knew the person I was in love with.  I lay awake, trying to figure out what my next move was going to be.  I would have to move out of our rented house as it was owned by Lacey's boss and I knew that on my teacher's salary, I wouldn't be able to afford much.

The next morning, I phoned in sick.  When my head of department heard my voice, she knew that something serious was up.  I hadn't missed a day of work since I had started teaching at a new private school in town.  She wanted to rush straight over, but I assured her that I would be okay and explained briefly what had happened the previous night.

I couldn't stand the sight of Lacey and I needed to find a place to stay and get my life in order.  I managed to rent a small flat at the back of one of my co-worker's house.  It was far from ideal as there was no garden and was on top of her garage, which meant stairs.  Linkin had recently started walking and I was afraid that he would venture out if the door was left open, but the rent was all I could afford and so I accepted her offer gratefully. 

Lacey and I had a huge fight over our furniture and all the other things we had acquired together over the last seven years.  She insisted on taking her portion of the money we had made from the sale of our house and sold the ground we had bought for our home.  Everything we had worked so hard for up until now was gone.  In the space of  a month, I had gone from being happy and excited to being lonely, depressed and broke.

I couldn't eat or sleep and I cried constantly.  Linkin missed Lacey terribly and was getting high temperatures almost every week.  He had started suffering from terrible bouts of tonsilitis and I would spend my nights trying to manage his temperature and rock him to sleep.  I was exhausted and eventually took him over to Lacey one evening.  Her sister and some of our friends were there as I entered the front door, and they all stared at me as though I was the one who had left Lacey.  I felt so uncomfortable in their presence but I needed Lacey's help to calm Linkin down after another spike in his temperature had left him crying non-stop the previous night.

An argument soon ensued between Lacey and I and everyone stared at me as we yelled at one another.  One of our closest friends took Linkin and started to walk away.  "What are you doing here Julie?  Can't you get it through your head that Lacey doesn't want you anymore!" she retorted as Linkin screamed in her arms for me.  That comment was the last straw and I completely lost it as I grabbed Linkin from her and stormed to my car.  "You fucking bitch!"  I yelled as I strapped Linkin in the car.  "I'm not the one who caused all this shit, and what goes on between Lacey and I has got fuck all to do with you!  Linkin has been crying for Lacey and she told me to bring him here so that she could help me to calm him down so why don't you keep your damn nose out of our business!"

The next few months passed much the same as the previous months had.  I still couldn't eat or sleep much and within four months, I had lost nearly 15kg.  I had decided that I would not go to Lacey again and if she wanted to see Linkin then she would have to come visit at my place.  I had also heard via the small gay community we lived in that Lacey had been dating a younger girl that lived in the same complex where Lacey and I had been staying and that she had moved in with her.  So much for not screwing around.  I knew she was lying when she had told me that there wasn't another woman.  I should have known better I guess, it's not like she hadn't lied or cheated before.

Not only had I lost Lacey, but all our friends seemed to either take her side or just stay away from both of us so that they didn't have to pick sides.  I had quite a few straight friends at work and they rallied to my aid whenever I needed help with something.  I was slowly starting to get my life back together even though I missed Lacey so much.  I had come to realise that a broken heart was far more painful than any illness or operation I had ever had to go through.  Wounds eventually heal after a time and the pain can be controlled by medication, but my broken heart just seemed to ache more every day.