Never to love again - girlxgirl

Never to love again - girlxgirl Chapter 12 Decisions, decisions

Lacey left soon after our conversation ended and told me that I could take all the time I needed to give her an answer.  I lay in bed as my mind replayed the events that had occurred earlier that evening.  I knew I still loved Lacey, but was love enough?  She had hurt me terribly and I wasn’t sure if I would ever get over the insults and insinuations that had passed between us over the last few months. 

I thought about Linkin and how much he loved Lacey.  Would I be unfair if I didn’t at least give her another chance for his sake?  I was slowly becoming accustomed to the fact that I was capable of living on my own and supporting Linkin without her help.  It was hard, sure, but I managed none the less.  I knew Linkin would have a far better life with more financial security and two parents to love and take care of him.  To be honest, I missed her like hell!  But what if she hurts me again?

And so I rambled on with different thoughts running through my mind the entire night.  I got up the following morning and trudged through to the kitchen to make some coffee.  I looked like hell and it was clear from the dark rings and my puffy eyes that I was desperately in need of a few more hours of sleep.  I hadn’t been able to make a decision though.  My head was telling me to get her the hell out of my life once and for all, while my heart was beating at a mile a minute as I contemplated a lifetime of happiness with Lacey and Linkin and perhaps a little baby soon.

I picked up my cell that was lying next to my bed and dialled my best friend Dallie.  “Hey Jules,” she answered, almost immediately.  “What’s up?”

As soon as I heard Dallie’s voice, I burst into tears.  “Hang tight Jules,” she responded panicking, “I’ll be there in 5 minutes!”  I put down the phone and sat on the couch as I waited for Dallie to arrive. 

When Dallie walked into the flat a few minutes later, I could tell that she was in a state.  “Is Linkin okay?” she asked concerned.  “Where is he?  Do I need to get you to a doctor?”

I stood up and wrapped my arms around Dallie’s neck as I sobbed uncontrollably.  “Linkin’s fine, he’s still sleeping.  I had a visit from Lacey last night.”  I released my arms from around her neck and sat down on the couch again as Dallie came to sit beside me.

“What did that little bitch want this time?” Dallie responded angrily.  She hated Lacey with a passion and wasted no time letting her know exactly how she felt when we had split up.  Dallie knew how much I loved Lacey and had been there for me the entire time that I had been on my own.  She had wiped away my endless tears and soothed my shattered heart with words of wisdom and kind gestures whenever I was feeling down.  She really was an amazing friend.  She had just recently been dumped by her boyfriend that she also cared deeply for and so she knew what I was going through.

“Sh…she wants me to give her another chance.” I hiccupped out through my sobs.  “She says she made a mistake and wants to spend the rest of her life with me and Linkin.  She wants us to buy a house again and….. and she even wants to go for the insemination process so that we can have another baby.  I asked her if she really wants to be with me or if she just wants to be a part of Linkin’s life again because she misses him so much?”

“Mmhmm….let me guess the answer.”  Dallie replied sarcastically.  “She loves Linkin but it’s really you she misses and wants to be with.  Am I right?  That two-face conniving little bitch.  I should have given her a beating months ago.”  Dallie rambled on as she stormed into the kitchen to make us some coffee. 

I couldn’t help but giggle at Dallie as she mumbled incoherently to herself while she grabbed the coffee mugs and filled them.  She really was the best friend that any girl could ask for.  I knew how she felt about Lacey so I guess I should have expected this sort of reaction from her.

Dallie carried the mugs into the lounge and placed them on the table.  “So, what did you tell her?”  Dallie asked as she took a sip from her mug.

“I haven’t given her a reply yet.  She told me to take my time and let her know when I’m ready to talk.”  I responded.  “Do you believe in soul mates Dallie?  Sometimes, I feel so much love for Lacey that my heart literally feels like it wants to burst when I see her.  I miss her every second of the day and I think about her all the time when she’s not around.  These last few months have been such hell for me, but I’m scared that she’ll hurt me again.  Linkin has been so down since we split up and his little face just brightens up when he sees her.  I know that if things didn’t work out, that I could go on with my life, but if she hurts Linkin again, I’ll never be able to forgive her.”

Dallie looked at me as we sat in silence for a few minutes.  “You know Jules, anyone can give you advice from their point of view, but you are the only one who knows what is best for you.  No one else has to live your life every day or suffer the consequences for your decisions.  If you say no, you might regret it for the rest of your life and if you say yes, well…..only time will tell if you made the right decision.  Just know one thing though, whatever you decide to do, I’ll stand by you and I’ll always be there for you no matter what.”

I looked at Dallie and smiled as she put a protective arm around me and pulled me closer.  “You truly are an amazing, wonderful friend Dallie.  I don’t know what I would do without you.  Don’t you want to turn gay and solve all my problems?” I joked.

Dallie laughed and punched me playfully on the arm.  “I promise you, if I ever decide to swing that way, you’ll definitely be my first choice, so whatever you decide, tell Lacey she better take good care of you or else.”

We chatted for a while longer as we drank our coffee and then Linkin decided to make his appearance known with a loud yell from his room.  “Haha, looks like my little man is awake and hungry.” I laughed, as I stood up to take Linkin out of his cot.  He giggled gleefully when he saw me come into his room and stretched out his arms to be picked up.

“Listen Jules,” Dallie called from the lounge.  “I’ve got a few errands to run this morning so I better get going.  Call me later and let me know what you’ve decided to do.  Love you Babe!” she called as she left through the front door.

I fed and changed Linkin and then lay on the couch the rest of the morning, thinking mostly about my future and where it was going.  Later that afternoon, I finally picked up my cell and dialled Lacey’s number.  It rang a few times before she finally answered.  “Hello?”

“U…um hi Lacey, it’s me.” I replied.  “I…I was wondering if we could meet at The Deck for drinks this evening to talk about our conversation yesterday.”

“Sure,” she replied immediately.  “How does 7.30 sound?”

“Great,” I responded.  “I guess I’ll see you later then.”  I ended the call and rushed into my room to find something to wear.  Linkin can waddling in behind me gurgling incoherently to himself.  “Come on Linkin,” I said as I picked him up and put him on my bed, “You need to help Mommy find something sexy to wear tonight.”  He sat on the bed as I threw half my cupboard out.  I giggled as I turned around to see Linkin buried under a pile of clothes.

I knew instinctively that tonight was going to be a huge turning point in my life and I was either going to make the best decision of my life or the worst mistake possible.

*****

Wow….my fingers are quite sore from all the typing.  Thanks for reading guys.  How about a few comments as a reward for updating twice in one night.  I’d love to know how you feel about the story so far and what you think will happen next.  I’ll try to keep the updates more regular from now on.