Memories and Strangers (A danisnotonfire fanfic )

Prologue

Stand up and fight.

Fight for your rigths.

Fight for your dreams.

Whatever you do you do for yourself.

Never forget, that you are the one, deciding what will happen to you.

You decide what you do, and what you do not do.

Noone is to be blamed for your faith and deeds.

Noone is to be blamed for the things that happen to you.

Noone but you alone.

Everything that happens to you, 

might can’t be controlled,

but it can be turned to the best possible. 

Some have it harder and some don’t.

Don’t compare yourself to anyone.

They are noway like you.

You’re just you.

And they’re just them.

So don’t let them stand in the way.

But most importantly:

Do not stand in your own way.

***

Prologue

I sat in my dark room, my hands wrapped around my legs, my head resting on my knees. I knew it was late. I also knew I didn't have to stand up tomorrow. I didn’t want to know what time it is.

It was late. That was currently the only thing I knew for sure. 

My head was empty. Just like my life. I thought about everything I did the last few years. It was all for one purpose. Which I now couldn't reach anymore.

My thoughts were running in circles. 

I have lost so much and have been broken so often. But every time I got back up to fight for the one purpose I had left to fight for. Now I even failed at this one thing and had nothing left but my best friend, who told me to decide. Now I haven't talked to her for two weeks. 

Either would I get back up on my feet and finding a job or she and I would move away. Leaving everything behind. 

But just the thought of leaving this room made me fill up with the need to break down and cry. So how should I make a decision. And even if I could, how should I decide? What should I do? If I'd get a job, then which? I didn't have any qualification. If we'd move away, would I really want to move to London? 

I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure about anything. 

So I kept staring into the darkness. I knew there were a lot of colours in here. Wasn’t it funny that the colours were only there, if there was light?

Where do they go, if the light goes?

Do they just disappear?

They don’t.

They remain in peoples heads and as soon as the light’s back on, they’re back.  And so will you, if you'd get off your lazy ass.

Don't be a pussy, you have a depression, get over it. You're weak. You can do nothing. You're...

"Worthless. I know", I whispered and then started hitting my head with my fists to get the little voice out, which had been my only companion for the last weeks.

My colours were gone. And they were never coming back because my light was gone. If the light is dead, the colours were, too. Isn’t it like that?

There is no way to get them back, ever again.

 What a shame. 

For all that beauty.

 My eyes were burning, but there were no tears left. They were gone, too. They took my emotions with them and now I am left with nothing but and empty shell of mine. 

You have a depression. You're making excuses for being lazy! 

I didn’t want to listen to that voice anymore. It was always right. I knew I had a depression. I lost everything. So was it any wonder?

People went through worse things than you...

"You always wanted to fight. No matter what", I reminded myself. It was true. No matter what happened. I have gotten back up again. Life looses its purpose if you don't fight. I have always been a fighter! I wouldn't let these things break me! Not again.

That's the spirit. The voice had changed a little bit and gave me motivation.

I took a deep breath and switched my light on. I looked around the hotel room I've been living in for two weeks. 

Its depressing colours suddenly seemed to scream: Leave me!

At that point I decided. 

And a hint of colour lit up my heart. I felt somewhere far away a better life was waiting for me.  

I got out of bed and packed the little amount of clothes I had left into a plastic bag, then I closed the door behind me. 

I would leave everything behind me. This depressing country. All the memories.