Jerrie One Shots

You're Safe Now

Summary: Perrie gets a flashback to her past toxic relationship when she's in the studio. Good thing Jade is here to help.

TW// Mentions of sexual assault, abuse, PTSD and disassociation.

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"Pez?" I say gently as to not startle her. No answer. "Bubba?" I try again but I'm met with the same response.

I slowly reach my hand over to grasp her pale one, and squeeze it softly it attempts to bring her back to reality. It doesn't work, but I knew that it wouldn't.

She continues to stare straight ahead at the studio wall, with glazed over eyes as physical proof to her not being here mentally. A lone tear escapes from her eye and travels down her cheek, but I don't wipe it away. Even though she can't register anything around her right now, I still don't want to invade her space just in case I trigger something further.

Speaking of trigger, I look over to Leigh-Anne, the cause of this particular episode, and my heart pangs. It's clear she feels terrible by the mixed look of guilt and hurt evident on her face. She didn't know her words would trigger Pez, and to be honest neither did I, it's still a learning curve for us all.

It's no secret that Perrie's last relationship wasn't the best. Every other week there were headlines involving his and/or her's names regarding yet another cheating scandal on his part. Rumours of the pair's split were constantly floating around twitter and other social media platforms, yet no one knew the actual truth.

He wasn't just a serial cheater, he was also an evil, aggressive and manipulative person. That's probably why she stayed with him for so long. He didn't just emotionally abuse her with his maniacal ways, he would also physically abuse her too. He would gaslight and groom her into believing these were actions of love and she became blinded by it, until he broke her trust in the worst way possible.

She was tired and in pain from weeks of constant cheatings and beatings, so hadn't wanted to be intimate with him. This angered him, because 'what's the point of having a girlfriend if you're not regularly getting any?'. She felt terrible and guilty, but couldn't bring herself to do anything about it. She didn't have to though, because he knew this and took action to try and fix his 'problem'.

That was the excuse he screamed at a sobbing Perrie after he had forced himself on her.

She had never felt so exposed and vulnerable in her life. Sex was supposed to be between two willing partners who felt safe and trusted each other with their bodies. All of that had just been yanked away from her right then and there. Because it wasn't sex. It was rape.

In the midst of her sobbing, she made a choice to never open herself up to anyone, fearing that something like this would happen again. It absolutely traumatised her.

Her therapist said that he'd completely broken her sense of security, leaving her with severe trust issues. She told me that I needed to be as patient as I could because of how vulnerable Perrie was, no, is. Dr Field also explained to me what these 'episodes' that she gets are, in a session I'd accompanied my Pez to. Her trauma from the relationship was so bad that she was diagnosed with dissociative PTSD.

Through all the abuse she'd been facing, she would let her mind wander away from her until she was no longer in the situation. Dr Fields said it was her brain's way of protecting itself. She didn't even realise she was doing it until she got out of the 'relationship' and started experiencing it around other people whenever she'd get a flashback.

That's what she's doing right now. Protecting herself.

It pains me that she feels like she's in danger in a place where she couldn't be more safe. We were in the studio working on some songs for our next album. It was only us girls and Kamille, there weren't even any men around, other than the security on the front of the building. It didn't matter though. She couldn't control it and it was heart-breaking to watch.