Jerrie One Shots

I'm In Control Now

Summary: Being in the public eye is hard, and it's even harder when you're in love with your best friend. She lost control of her life and it soon started to take over.

"In a sick and twisted way, Santana felt a sort of accomplishment when her ribs started to show, it meant that she finally had control over one thing in her life."

TW// Eating Disorders.

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So this is actually converted and rewritten from

'control' by jollofrice on AO3 and over on ff.net.

I've always liked their works back from when I was in the glee fandom and they kindly allowed me to make this work! Ngl I was being lazy, having some horrible writers block for the past however many months and an idea to write about Jade's ED came over me, but I couldn't find where to start, hence writing a converted one-shot.

Anyway enough about that, hope you enjoy and go and read jollofrice's other stories! Big hugs!

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Jade knows she isn't fat, or at least that's what she thinks.

It's hard when you have all the pressure from being in the public eye and jealous people constantly sending you hate and picking you apart every single day. But no, Jade know's she isn't fat.

However, if she really thought that, she wouldn't be forcing her fingers down her throat, trying to get out her breakfast that her best friend/flatmate Holly had prepared for her. The blonde was running late for work, so she didn't notice how as soon as she said she was leaving, Jade rushed to the bathroom to let it all out.

Every time after she purges, she tries with all her might to not cry, but the disgustingly overwhelming shame and guilt eats her alive, much like this secret. She tries her hardest not to purge, she tries her hardest to eat regularly, but she just can't stop. Whenever she looks into the mirror she sees someone else. Someone who's not really her. Someone's who's fat. Someone who has gross stretch marks and chunky thighs. Someone who's cheeks and eyes are starting to appear sunken. Someone who's so similar, yet so so different.

Even though she shares her flat with two other people, her actions still go unnoticed, due to the fact that they're young adults in the city of London with their own jobs and friends. She can't expect them to stay locked at home all day monitoring her eating habits, or lack of. At work, when she's in the studio with the girls, she always says she had a big breakfast, or that she just simply isn't hungry. She hates lying like that, she hates especially how she's lying to everyone she loves the most, but especially Perrie. She's the only good thing she has, the only person who makes her happy, the only person who tries to check up on her.

But whenever she does, she just shuts the blonde out, and she hates herself for it. She always promised she'd never do it, but she's been doing it ever since she got with Alex, but honestly it's her own fault. She rejected Perrie. Her innocent and pure Perrie.

She rejected the love of her life, too stuck in her own head about what it would mean for the world to know that she was in love with her bandmate. Her girl bandmate. Too ashamed to show her real identity and in turn, her true love. Now the pain she already feels doubles whenever she sees Alex dropping Perrie off at the studio, or when she spots the curly-haired man in the audience of their performances, playing that role of supportive boyfriend.

But Perrie still tries, she still tries to support Jade, still tried to make her happy. But how can you make someone happy, when their whole world is full of darkness and despair?