Help

five

F L O R E N C E

I start school tomorrow.

Since Massimo told me I'd be starting there has been this bottomless pit in my stomach. It's gnawing away at my insides and eventually there will be nothing left.

The idea of going to school and making new friends is bad enough when you are normal. But I'm not. I don't like to speak, or converse with anyone. How am I supposed to make it by knowing that I can't and won't be able to make any friends?

Lucien will be there. He's finishing up twelfth grade. He apparently was held back because he was unable to finish his volunteer hours. I haven't even started mine.

If he's there you'd think that I would be okay, that he would protect me from all the bullies and let me sit with him at lunch. I would rather die then sit next to him. It isn't like he would offer anyways. He hasn't spoken to me since he gave me the hoodie. He diverts his eyes away from me whenever I am in the room. It hurts but maybe he just hates me.

I mean mom did take me and not him. Maybe he's mad at me for taking mom away? He grew up without a mom. All I know is that I would rather him hate me then us trade places. I wouldn't wish living with mom even on my worst enemy.

The night and morning before the car accident mom and Trey had given me a punishment. It wasn't too severe where I couldn't walk or leave the house to hide all my injuries, but it wasn't so great either. The bruising around my ribs is still far too prominent. The black and purple isn't fading. It's been almost five days and it's still not healing properly.

It also hurts to breathe. Ever since the beatings started it's been hard to breathe. Maybe now that I am with my brothers the pain in my lungs and chest can finally go away once all my injuries heal.

Standing in my bathroom, infront of my mirror, I move my eyes away from my black, blue, and purple ribs and stare at the gash on my stomach. Although I stitched myself up using an old thread from my purple t-shirt and my handy dandy needle, it appears that the gash is not healing. In fact it looks worse than it did before. It's possible I have an infection. Not that I can be sure seeing as I am not a doctor. And, it's not like I can walk up to my brothers and lift my shirt.

Let's hope it goes away.

The last prominent cut is the one on my knee. They made me kneel on rice grains until my knees bled. It felt like a million little needles were injected into my knees and left there to sink even farther.

I clean my stomach and knees until I hear a knock come from my bedroom door. Dread settles in as I scramble to get my pants and shirt back on.

"I'm coming in!" Emilio shouts from the other side of my bedroom door. Just as I manage to tumble out of the bathroom Emilio enters with the widest grin known possible to man.

"You're so adorable in your comfy clothes." I look down at the outfit he's gushing over. Grey baggy sweatpants and that blue long sleeve button up shirt. Giving him an awkward thank you smile I wait for him to talk.

"Oh! Yes, okay," he stumbles over his words like he got sidetracked. I can't say for sure but I am pretty sure he did. "I was wondering if you wanted to come grocery shopping with me and Lucien?"

He wouldn't want me there. He will roll his eyes when he sees me and be grumpy for the rest of the trip. As I start to shake my head no I am interrupted by Emilio.

"I know he isn't the most welcoming but I really want you to come with us. You can pick out some snacks you want for school and maybe something for dinner." He gives me puppy dog eyes, pleading for my boring companionship. The thought of being with Lucien makes me queasy. But Emilio is always there, if I need help I can go to him.