The Way to Truth

Chapter 8: Plans

School is terrible.
I thought that after we chose our subjects, life would get a lot more easier and more enjoyable, but now I realize; sciences are not what I imagined them to be. Heart of hearts, I know that there is nothing wrong with the sciences, but I just don't understand them. The worst part is, I can't even drop them! Ugh.
In physics class, whenever Mr Greene would give us an equation, I would always ask him the single, unexplainable question, "how do you assume that the time is five minutes? We do not even know the exact single unit of time, so how are the measurements correct?" He would simply give me a very irritated expression, and ask me to solve the question without thinking too much. How can you do that? Isn't physics about theories? Why is Mr Greene so reluctant on answering my question? Am I straying into a concept he doesn't know himself? Questions always flood onto my mind when he didn't reply, giving me the feeling that I was doing something wrong.
Biology was also quite interesting, a fraction of the time when we studied about the internal processes in the human body such as the nervous system and the digestive system, but otherwise it was very dry.
Chemistry was quite a blast in the beginning; full of particle theories and exploding experiments, but nowadays it has become very controlled. Fewer experiments are carried out, and we mostly just read about reactions instead of carrying them out. all these sciences were not as fast-moving and exciting as I thought they were. It was disappointing.
Worst part was that everything felt a lot more vivid without Nathan. Since we had gone to different classes, I barely saw Nathan during classes. We would only met in common subjects like maths, art, at recess and at the end of school discussing how everything was going. That left me practically alone for majority of the school day. Its not that i didn't try to make friends, but for some reason i never felt like I was a part of any group. Each period, I sat alone forced to focus only on work as I knew that if I got distracted, no one would be willing to even share their notes with me. I felt cold and alone. I felt like an outsider. No one really seemed to try to know me. I had learned to accustom myself to it, but without Nathan to stand by me me, it hurt. It hurt like hell. I shouldn't let my mind stray to negative thoughts though. The liberal arts were going extremely well for Nathan. He was already the teacher's pet without knowing it and was given the highest marks in all researches. Shakespeare's hardest plays like 'Othello' was child's play for him to decode. If I didn't know better, Nathan seems to be a genius in every subject. I know it isn't right to be envious about your friend's success, but a fragment of me felt the sharp, flaring, twang of jealousy.

Monday_
"Sesame! Wait up!" Nathan called along the corridor as he panted heavily trying to catch up. It was recess and he knew that I was heading to the 'secret place'. I guess I needed some time to think. "Yeah Nathan. I know you want come along, but have you brought the-" he interrupted me with the crinkling of the ice lolly packets. Well, at least he remembered to bring the lollies.
High up on the abandoned balcony, we quietly unwrapped the orange ice cream; its icy sensation running down our spines, refreshing our burning skin. I popped it into my mouth to prevent it from dripping, and its sudden burst of soothing, tangy flavour calmed my nerves. Man, summer is never complete without ice cream."So, how is school going for you?" I asked as he gave a quick excited reply, "Its going great! In these past months, I've written so many poems and stories that I never imagined I would be able to write! Even psychology is pretty good, since studying human nature is so simple. I mean...everything they do is so predictable! Except, sometimes they make lots of dumb mistakes." Mistakes? What mistakes do humans not make?
"Well Nathan, you have to accept that. Humans are like that. They are selfish; they will always go miles to be successful, not realizing that they hurt others. They always want the best for themselves......they are greedy, deceitful, pitiful! And the worst quality about them is how they...how they always manage to betray each other," my voice softened as I spoke, my heart painfully throbbing.
People are horrible. No, they aren't just horrible; they are evil. Why is Nathan even studying literature? The world is so new to him...If he learns about human nature, it will destroy any of those bright ideas he has about our world. At that moment, I had completely forgotten about Nathan's presence. My frustration with my studies seemed to tear open old fears inside of me...that anxiety, pain and anger now bleeding out once again.   "Sesame," his voice quietly broke through, "no matter how many flaws people have, they also have goodness in them. Trust, faith, forgiveness and hope are in everyone. You just have to find it." I turned my sight from my shaking hands just to see him incredibly worried, his face suddenly gaunt and his eyebrows furled in worry. I can't believe I was making him worry. I'm such a terrible person.
There was an eerie pause, the lolly awkwardly plugged in my mouth as he once again tried to start the conversation,"Oh well, forget this negativity. We barely get time together and I don't want it to turn sour. So...how are you finding the sciences?"
"Terrible," I muttered, as I explained my grievances to him and showed him my journals; his expression remaining unchained as he flipped the pages. "Why can't I understand any of the sciences? Is there something wrong in my concepts?" I asked him the single, troubling question again as he voiced his reply, "To be honest, I believe you have the bad case of overreacting. Your teacher hasn't even corrected your journal yet so why do you assume your answers are incorrect? In science, there is no fixed way of answering a question. In Physics, you have to apply formulae and use your mind; you can use any calculation as long as your answer is correct. Plus, the main reason you are bored of Chemistry and Biology is simple; you are simply overdoing the studying."
I wanted to argue that I wasn't over-studying, but his levelled voice had subdued my opinion. His words did make sense.
"You know, let's try something new," he continued,"let's go somewhere!" Go somewhere??? Does it look like I have the time to do all that?
"Let's go to the movies,"he continued quickly before I could refuse, "a lot of people go there. I'm sure they've got a good film on, plus I've never been to the movies. Why don't we try it out? This Sunday okay?" I opened my mouth to reject him, but the school bell suspiciously well timed cut me off  by its irritating ringing. "Alright, I have to go," Nathan grabbed his bag as he turned towards the old steps,"I'll buy the tickets for Sunday. See you there!" Another mysterious factor about Nathan; how is it that he has never gone to see a movie? Before I could ask him why he had never been to the cinema before, he quickly dashed down the rickety stairs towards his next class. He is definitely a teacher's pet, but more importantly, what the heck should I wear for Saturday!?