The Way to Truth

Chapter 7: Decisions

April had started with a wave of heat and a whole lot of homework. I always prefer the cool, calm winter months to the hot summers that always successfully drench me in layers of sweat each miserable school day. Actually, scratch that. School is not as bad these days. I guess that's the Nathan effect, since he can make even the darkest of days shine for me. Whenever I feel down, he always knows what to do, whether it comes to buying me food or just joining my rants about our teachers at our spot. He really is something special; some of his attributes quite surreal such as his tolerance to my moody outbursts and the other kid's mindless pranks. Yes, everyone knows how much fun it is to tease Nathan. Now that i think about it, I do not really know whether he is just really innocent to the fact that they make fun of him, or that he really doesn't care. I'm...I'm so glad he's alright now. I don't know what I would have done if he had gotten hurt the other day. Its just that...I don't even know enough about Nathan to tell what he feels most of the time. I feel like I'm failing him as a friend. Heck, I don't even deserve a person like him.

Monday-
The heat was worse than ever; 35° Celsius to be precise. What made matters worse was the fact that today was the day, the day that I would have to make the decision that would change the direction of my life forever. It was the day I'd choose my compulsory subjects, and these subjects and the grades I'd now score in them would affect my profession choices. Its scary, knowing that a wrong choice could alter your life forever. Along with everyone else, we all stood in one extensive line of eleventh graders that stretched across the horizon. "The school's brilliant organizational skills once again made apparent!!!Why in the world would they only put one stall for three-hundred students!? I continued my rant loudly, hoping the authorities could hear, "well that is school, its unnecessary torture you pay for!!". I continued my habitual grumbling while Nathan simply crossed his arms silently waiting. I mean honestly, Nathan abides the law way too much.
His posture is always perfect with a straight upright back, his chin held high as his ebony, eyes constantly twirl to observe his surroundings. The sharp summer light actually allowed me, for the first time ever, to notice his face. To be honest, he was not bad at all. His shaggy, brunette hair was as messy as a mop, his cheekbones defined and his skin a soothing olive complementing his narrow face. He was much more careful than the other guys our age through the way he carried himself and also much leaner. He was small, but his shirt betrayed his well built muscle. I had teased the poor guy so much due to his narrow build, constantly chanting his appearance to be that of a chicken bone. Now that I think about it, the poor kid does have a lot of patience.
He returned from his lost gaze just to catch me staring at him causing me to turn away sharply, my cheeks growing red.
After one long dragging hour of being surrounded by sweaty kids and a heck lot of ranting from my part, Nathan and I had nearly reached the sign up counter, but even that tiny distance's wait was feeling like forever, especially due to the intensely awkward silence throughout our wait. I know it has been a month since Nathan's incident, but for some reason I still feel an underlying tension that's continued. We rarely talk about it, but the number of awkward silences have been increasing ever since we hugged. Just thinking about that day makes my cheeks redden.
"Uh.....what are we doing Sesame?" And there it was. Nathan's most clueless question of the day. I tried yo answer as calmly as I could, but the urge to snap at him was far too strong,"What on Earth are you doing? We've been waiting here for one and a half hour and you still haven't figured out why?" He yawned sleepily, entirely unaffected by my reply,"Well whatever it is we are doing, it sure is taking a lot of time." Taking a stretching sigh, I finally surrendered to his naivety and explained the long and complicated process which puts fear in the hearts of all students; subject selection.
"Basically, we are standing here, waiting for our subject selection," he repeated as he slowly processed the idea. "Yes, today we choose the subjects that we are going to pursue for the rest of the remaining school year," I paused, "Didn't your parents discuss the whole thing with you? My Mom has been on my case all week just to make sure I make the right choice."
His brow curled in confusion as it always did when he was thinking until he finally replied,"if its just subject selection, why is everyone so scared?"...
How clueless can a person be? Doesn't Nathan know anything about this?
"Nathan, have you heard of college?" He nodded as I continued,"basically, we have reached the final years of school, so the grades and subjects we will choose from here on will be carried onto college, and soon, the profession you would like to do."
"Its not like you have to do only these subjects. If you aren't happy, why don't you try again?"
Nathan's naivety always manages to make me sigh in frustration."Nathan, we only live once. The decision made now cannot be changed, don't you understand? This is why everyone, including me is afraid.......I mean, time won't stop for us just so we can turn back and try again." He paused, seemingly about to say something, but just remained silent. His silence carried on for the rest of the wait while my mind raged with thoughts. Why is time so short and our future so blurry? Am I even making the right choices? Nothing ever seemed to make sense. I always feel as if I'm blindly stumbling ahead along my life. I have no idea on what I want to do in the future. Man, anxiety sucks.

***
At the end of the day, after all of us had registered our subjects, everyone was leaving except Nathan and me, who quietly sat at our secret spot. It was 6pm; the latest school has ever closed so far, and the orange setting sun was so beautiful from our secret balcony. Its sharp reddish rays cutting through the purple clouds glazing them with orange light as it seemed to rest on the buildings truly was a beautiful sight. It was perfect to calm our nerves and with the sweet, tangy flavoured ice cream the moment was magical. The view from our spot was the prettiest I had seen so far, that I just sat along the ledge of the balcony quietly watching the sun set. Nathan, too sat mesmerized by the sun's beauty, his eyes focused on the cityscape.
"The sky is beautiful today," he finally broke the silence scooping the last of his ice cream off its stick,"I wish i could get this view every from this spot everyday." I nodded in agreement, still zoned out. "So, what subjects did you choose? I chose the liberal arts. You know, like literature, art and design, and all that." My ears pricked up, surprised to hear such a factual and serious person choosing the arts. "The arts? Well, I'm speechless," I laughed.
He pouted, hiding the pleasure of his success in lightening the mood,"Hey don't judge! I'm bored of being so factual all the time. Numbers are so boring compared to the vast possibilities of the human mind. Anyways, what did you choose?" He turned to me with curiosity as I shuffled along the ledge of the school balcony, staring at the city skyline, "I've chosen the three sciences; physics, chemistry and biology. I want to know about the world, and I think that the sciences will guide me to the answers I want." I know, I really am unsure about what I have chosen but Nathan, and things like literature? That was the strangest combination I have heard of all day.
"You don't seem like a science person," he joked,"but I'll be glad to help you if you help me, since you are the best at literature in class." He gave a goofy grin, his face gleaming gold in the waning light as his piercing eyes looked straight in mine. I felt a mixture of nervousness, joy and uncertainty at that moment; as if I had already leapt into the unknown. Yet still I felt the assuring warmth from Nathan, and from that moment I knew he would be there to support me. Always.
"Deal?" He asked, his hand raised waiting mine. I gave a soft smile and shook his hand,"Deal."
Our journey had finally begun. We were on the way to truth.