Love Is....... Love.

The Intimate Love

She cried.. she had cried for the last 26 years. From what she said, he did understand that she was not really happy in her married life and that hurt him the most. The day he had seen her as a beautiful bride, he thought she was happy. He had assumed that she was treated as a queen whereas the fact that she wasn't even respected, broke his heart into a million pieces. He wanted to have this discussion with her, an open and frank discussion. 

She was standing along the window, tears rolling down her cheeks, bringing back memories of how she was tormented, dis-respected and looked down upon at each and every instance, by everyone. Except Samar, Devika and Baapuji. She knew that they were always there and now, one more name was added in that list. Her Bholuram. And a she smiled with the tears tickling down. 

So engrossed was she in her bad memories, that she didn't notice her other half feeling her pain. Only when he had kept his one hand on her shoulder and the other wiped her tears, she looked into those eyes, that were equally drenched. Not allowing her to wipe his tears, he sat alongside the window, just saying Sorry to her.. For not telling her about his love, for hiding his one-sided love, for assuming she was happy. How did he ever not think of enquiring in detail about her from Devika? Anu was equally hurt and was overwhelmed seeing her pain and tears in his eyes. 

How can someone love to this extent? She had read about this, she had seen in the occasional shows she would see on TV. She didn't know what to do. She lay his head on his lap, while he was moving his hand through her soft hair. The tears that were falling, did burn his skin, but he wanted her to shed all the memories that ached her. As difficult as it was to see her crying, he promised her and himself, that this was the last time, she was crying. 

To ease the situation and to get her to talk about the painful love she went through, he decided to tell her about his one-night stands. The one, where he ended up, because he was so reminded of her that he wanted to just go and find the kind of warmth and love, that he would have got if he had been with Anupamaa. He said that, there were many who were eyeing on him, who were extremely beautiful, flirting with him beyond limits, that he had got attracted to few too, but he couldn't get Anupama out of his mind and heart. He couldn't get initimate and emotionally attached to them as he believed and wished only to become Her's. He said, only on 3 ocassions he became physically involved with 3 different ladies.. He was drunk.. his friends had got him drunk and he had no idea of what had happened but laughed on saying that the next morning, the girls were very angry with him, for calling them Anu. He said, that was his level of love for her, that even in his subconscious level, he could not think of committing himself to anyone else. 

And when he said this, Anupama did keep her hand on his hand, that was now on her shoulder. She shared the painful experience of her seeing her ex-husband with Kavya, on a bed, that she thought was hers. But that day, she understood and realized that, to begin with he was never hers. In a way, hers was also a one-sided love.. no, not love, it was blind affection. She said, that in all her relationships, she has always given more than 100 %. Never did it strike her, why he was so distant from her. She had kids with him, but whatever happened was, like he said, only on a physical level. She never felt any love, warmth and affection from him, that she always felt when she was with Anuj. Even now, a simple act of just lying on his lap and crying out her heart and not being judged, felt like Love. Not felt like, her heart corrected, it was Love. 

She looked at him, as if asking for consent to proceed further about her bad memories. And seeing the unconditional support, she told him the most intimate thing that a woman/girl would ever say .. She told him that she never felt loved and she craved for it. She told him, that in these 25 years of marriage, it was only 3 times that they did it.. and it was not love. She saw the hurt in his eyes, her tears rolling down. She said, that he detested her very presence in his life and she was always wondering why, only to realize later that He was never worth her. And she also thanked God that their physical relation stopped right after Paakhi. She smiled when she said that and for some reason, that smile did make Anuj smile. 

She asked him, is it only physical relations that deepen the bond, the intimacy. And he nodded a No.. saying that what they now have is more that what everyone has. Physical act is just an expression of the feelings that we have, but if it is not backed by emotions and feelings, it's just an act to satisfy. That's it. 

And she said happily, that in that case, I am extremely happy that I am involved with you intimately, with all my heart, body and soul. Which earned her a warmth, intimate hug from her soulmate. 

The Intimate Love.. They both said together, touching their foreheads.