Finding Oriana

Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

While I drive through our local town, I notice the streets are pretty crowded, more than usual. I kinda find out why though, when I see a shitload of football shirts on display. Oh, bollocks this isn't good it's never a good thing to venture into town on your own, especially on a match night.

I see a few rowdy men all pushing and shoving each other. I even see a few women about. They're all dressed up and ready for a night out. See, it's stuff like this. Stuff like this makes me feel, a little envious of them all. Like for Kaiden and me, to do stuff like this. I mean, I'm eighteen and I've still to experience stuff like this. And this brings me back, to the "elephant" in the room. Maybe I am being selfish here, but am I? Am I being selfish to want a career and a life? Kaiden is a year younger than me, but still, he's lived his teenage years to the fullest. He's experienced friends, sex, drink, and parties. Whereas for me, I've done none of that. I've not lived yet. I've had a pretty sheltered life that was a good one, but a sheltered one all the same. I mean, I'm not saying I want to experience other men oh god no but I would like to experience life. I mean, is so bad? Is it so bad to want to experience things? I think the fact I'm having these thoughts tells me I need to do it. As much as I love Kaiden he should understand my need to live to experience life. Well, at least before we settle down completely.

So I drove around town just for a little while longer than planned. I just needed to be on my own just for a little while. Suddenly, my in-car phone chimes and when I look at my dashboard screen, I see it's him. I'm tempted to ignore it, but I don't because I want to hear what he has to say. So I press accept, but I don't speak.

"You're mad aren't you?" He said.
This made me huff an incredulous laugh, only because there's nothing like stating the obvious.
"Baby, I'm sorry. Shit, I... Fuck! This is terrifying me. I don't want to lose you. You know this."
Almost instantly, I feel a lump forming in the back of my throat. Hearing him say it hurt.

"Kaiden, you... You know I'm yours. I've fucking told you many times. Fuck sake! What do I have to do to prove it? You ran from me! You didn't even allow me to finish what I needed to say. I mean, I listened to you. I'd sat and listened to what you wanted to do with your life. You've found what you want to do, and I'm happy you have! But Kaiden, I'm still trying to find what I want to do. I'm only eighteen years old and I've done fuck all with my life. I've not experienced anything. I mean, not like you."

"What are you shitting me? Ori, you can't seriously compare me to you? Fuck sake, baby! Wait... Are you saying what I think you're saying? Seriously, you want to fuck around? You want to fuck... fuck no!
No fucking way! Ori, I won't let you fucking leave me, just for you to fuck around with Pricks that won't love you like I do."
Yeah, I gasp in shock. I knew he would think this, but hearing him confirming it, hurt.

"I knew it! I fucking knew it! Kaiden, you don't fucking trust me. Do you? That's what all this is about, isn't it? You seriously don't trust me to stay faithful to you. You're running off has nothing to do with the new job! You just don't trust me to be around other men."
Silence greets me. He's not saying a word, so I guess his silence was my answer.

"Wow! Just wow. I'm not you Kaiden, and you fucking know it! Fuck sake! Wow! Well, fuck you Vincente! Fuck you!"
He's still not said anything so I press end on his call. I can't talk to him not when I know now he doesn't trust me.

Fuck sake! How can he think this? What have I ever done would make him think this? Ahh, fuck! Baxter! It's got to be. It's the only explanation for this shit! He either found out about the call... No, wait. It can't be. I mean, he only called tonight... unless he's told him? No, he wouldn't, would he? The only other explanation is that someone hurt him, and he's placing me in that category. He's freaking out, thinking I'll hurt him. He thinks I'll do what his ex did, and run off into the sunset with Baxter. And if not him then with someone else. Wow, just wow! This is unbelievable! The Cheater, the man whore Vincente doesn't trust me! The girl who has only ever had one boyfriend. Yeah, I've kissed a couple of boys. Yet as far as the boyfriend goes, it's only him. Fuck's sake, this is too much. I can't be dealing with this shit. I have to be honest, this isn't the first time he's reacted like this. It's been little stuff, but now after what he's confirmed, it all makes sense. He's never trusted me. Not once and honestly, I've never given him a reason not to trust me. This is him. This is all him. He thinks because this is how he operates. He thinks that I do, too. He thinks I'm just like him, and his ex.
I'm sorry, but that's just not on. I won't have him thinking I'm like this. I don't cheat. Well, fuck him! He can kiss my backside goodbye. I've had it. I'm done!
Kaiden Vincente can kiss my arse and deal with his own shit! I've had it. I won't do this shit with him because this hurts so much.
I'm so mad that once I get back home, I take one of mum's bottles of red from her drinks cabinet. I don't think she's even noticed. She's got tons of it, so she won't miss one. I've done this a few times over the last few months, and not once had she said anything. No, I do it all the time, just now and again when Kaiden pisses me off.