A Float through Night Skies and Other Poems in Youth

Ashamed

What am I right now?

To wind myself in a nothing place

Shake the dryness does the lovers make

Within some nasty state.

I feel so much, yet nothing at all.

A taste of fruit which asks of feverish pick

Within a room with lighted candlesticks

I am lost within some sinful ground

Knowing not of what I do around

Pale-faced; shaken

Of some strange behaviour

Nothing I feel could foreseen

The destruction of my self –

Within.

Stop! Stop, I say!

Why must I live this way?

I've come to terms, though hollow worth

All I feel comes with a mirth

A blackened and naught to show,

Would I scream in soulless row?

I hate it, though I seek it

Distracted by greenish air.

I don't want her to see me,

Not like this,

Though I can't deny; I repeat it so

Does she still think of me ever so?

When we talked and talked,

Talked of love and more?

I had hoped to life

That she wouldn't see

Of the scarring patient,

I condemned the me.

I am ashamed,

Ashamed of how, I look, feel, and seek

And with such evil quickly clothed,

I'd hate to see her peek.

Don't look at me anymore,

I am ashamed of what I am:

A nothing organism, useless to a fault

And for you to see me now,

I'd break and die of some painful fall.

Please don't look, there is nothing left to see

Though I still hope to love; fruitful and carefree.