The Hunter's Angel

Forever No More

The first two weeks without Hunter had been the most unbearable of my life. 

To go from spending every moment with the love of my life, to waking up every day and realizing he was no longer mine—it was a kind of pain I didn't wish on my worst enemy. 

I had spent day and night in shambles, coasting through waves of uncontrollable hurt and sorrow, followed by surges of anguish and despair. 

It was a bitter thing, to feel so broken inside. To feel as though I would never be whole again, never be myself again. 

Especially when I knew that Hunter was only a few miles away. When I knew that he chose to push me out of my life, chose to tear what we had apart. 

I had skipped an entire week of work and school, which had certainly caught Kat and Liam's attention. They had turned up at my doorstep several days after I had gone MIA, and after taking one look at my face, it was as if they just knew. 

It seemed like heartbreak was written all over me. 

I only told them that Hunter had ended things, not explaining why. They wouldn't have understood the real reason, and I no longer had the energy to come up with yet another lie. 

The two of them spent a few days at my place, skipping school to be with me, and the solace of their love and support had meant the world to me. 

And yet, even that couldn't fill the emptiness inside of me. 

I could see the worry on their faces every time they looked at me, the stolen glances of concern that Kat and Liam sent each other every time I spaced out in the middle of our conversations—something I had begun to do quite often. 

It wasn't until the second week that I was able to slowly get back into my routine. I went through the motions of school and work, though I felt no purpose or meaning behind anything I was doing. 

I just couldn't find the point. I couldn't find it in me to care about school or work or anything at all, when everything inside of me felt devoid. When every ounce of light I once held had been put out like water on a flame.  

It had now been nearly a month—one whole month since the day I left Hunter's car, the day I walked away from the man I loved. 

And I wish I could say I was better. That I had found my purpose once more, that I had figured out how to live without him. I wish I could. It would be so much better than the cold void that still remained inside of me, the dull numbness that had taken over me. 

But I was no better than the day I left. 

Sure, I had grown stronger on the outside. I had learned to throw myself into my internship and classes, performing above and beyond on my projects and assignments. It gave me a semblance of control, a way to shut off all of the feelings rushing through my head, all of the memories and the what-ifs. 

Yet, I knew it was all a facade. A blanket swept over the nothingness inside of me, a veil to mask the pain I felt. 

And I knew that one day, I would be better. That my strength wouldn't just be a front, that the ache in my chest and the hole in my heart wouldn't last forever. 

But at this moment, it was hard to think about that future. Especially when it seemed so far away. It was hard to imagine that I would somehow feel whole one day when I knew that the one person that had made me feel complete would never be mine again. 

Somedays, when the pain was insurmountable, I found myself wishing that I had never met Hunter. That I had clung to the wall inside of me, the one that hadn't allowed me to let anyone in. Because I don't think I could have even fathomed this pain, the kind that I had fought so long to avoid.