Da-Xia's Guide to Romance

Chapter 3 - Cheng Liu

{I resist the urge to make the poem "you called her a hoe because she said no? Boy you're letting all your fragile masculinity show!" and Da-Xia utterly roasts Cheng Liu}

Da-Xia had always been a rather outspoken individual, but when it came to her business, she tended to let a lot of things slide. She smiled and used non-confrontational words, her customer service just as important as the quality of her service. If she was pleasant to talk to, she would be pleasant to do business with. She could tolerate those who were demanding and short, who were impolite or even straight up rude; she could not, however, stay silent while someone accused her of being a liar. 
"You expect me to believe that the Monkey King commissioned poems from you?" the customer scoffed. "That's got to be the most desperate business scheme I've ever witnessed." 
"It's not a scheme, it's the truth," Da-Xia stated through clenched teeth. "I don't care if you believe me, but I don't appreciate your accusations." 
"Please, you're nothing but a child," the customer sneered. "Why don't you go and get a real job instead of peddling lies and empty words that will one day mean nothing? You think this will make you amount to anything? You think anyone is going to remember your words once you're gone?" 
"My poems have changed lives!" Da-Xia argued. "The Monkey King himself can attest to that, and if he were here, he would!" 
"And how many of those changed lives are your regular customers?" they challenged. "How many of them return time and time again just to pay for your flowery falsehoods and tantalizing tall tales? Face it; only fools buy your poems or your story of the Monkey King." 
Despite knowing that she was telling the truth, Da-Xia couldn't help but feel her throat tighten. They weren't wrong when they said some of those 'changed lives' were regular customers. The Monkey King was one of the only exceptions to that, but he wasn't here to attest to either of her claims. She could feel the eyes of others in the market burning into the back of her head, and if she didn't say something soon, her reputation could be in danger. 
"I don't care whether or not you believe me," she repeated firmly. "I'm telling the truth, and nothing you say will change that." 
"Nobody has seen the Monkey King in over a century!" 
"I've seen him." 

The customer turned, allowing Da-Xia to see who had spoken standing behind them. He wore the robes of a scholar, the uniform of Guangfu Xue. He looked down on the customer with confidence. 
"You saw the Monkey King?" the customer clarified. 
"I spoke with him," the scholar informed him. "Therefore it's entirely possible for the Monkey King to have commissioned poems from this intelligent young woman." 
"How do I know I-" 
"Look, you're causing a scene," the scholar said in a low voice. "Why don't you just beat it and leave her alone?" 
They stared each other down for slightly longer before the customer huffed and marched away. The scholar's gaze followed them until they were out of sight, but Da-Xia's attention was focused on the young man in front of her. 
"Are you alright?" 
Her eyes darted down to her hands as he addressed her. "I'm fine. You didn't have to do that, but thank you." 
"It was my pleasure. I'm Cheng Liu, by the way." 
"Da-Xia," she introduced, glancing up to return his smile. "Care for a poem? You seem the sort who would appreciate one. I could probably write something about what you're studying at Guangfu Xue, if you'd like." 
"I wouldn't want to bore you with something like that," he dismissed with a wave of his hand. "What about a poem about... rejection?" 
Da-Xia felt like she was having de ja vu. "Do you need a poem or a drink?" 

***

The waiter brought her usual order of tea without her even having to ask, recognizing the situation for what it was. 
"So, what's your story?" 
"Nothing exciting, I'm afraid," Chen Liu sighed, glancing down at his drink. "There was a girl I liked, we were getting along pretty well, flirted a bit, I stood up for her and defended her more than once, but turns out she was just using me and she was engaged the whole time. When I confronted her about it, a big argument broke out. She punched me in the face if you can believe it." 
Da-Xia winced. "Yikes, that's awful. I'm so sorry about that. Sounds like a real jerk." 
"Exactly! Not to mention that I helped her get into Guangfu Xue, too! I even covered for her when she stole a book!" 
She paused with her tea halfway to her lips. There was only one woman she knew of that had ever attended Guangfu Xue... 
"What was her name?" 
"(Y/n)." 
"You have got to be kidding me." 
"What do you mean?" 
She put her head in her hands, trying to make sense of how this had happened for the third time. Not one, not two, but three guys all obsessed with the same girl. Make that four if you counted the Monkey King. 
"I met her too," Da-Xia finally told him, massaging her temples. "I didn't have much of a chance to talk to her, but she didn't seem the type to flirt with anyone, especially someone that wasn't her fiance. Are you sure you didn't misunderstand something?" 
"She tried to say she was just being nice, like any decent human being should be," he mentioned with an expression of distaste. "But why else would she be nice if she wasn't interested?" 
Da-Xia blinked. "Uh, because she's a good person?" 
Cheng Liu rolled his eyes. "Right, and I suppose you're just being a 'good person' right now?" 
"Yes, that's... that is exactly what I'm being," she confirmed. "I didn't intend for this to be a date." 
"Wow, you're just like her." 
"Buddy, this isn't my first rodeo," Da-Xia drawled. "I've sat in this pub twice before, talking about the same girl with some other guy. First time it was a six eared monkey demon that's been stalking her since birth. Second time it was her childhood friend. Let me tell you the definition of what a date is; when two people participate in an activity together, usually with romantic intentions. When I asked if you needed a poem or a drink, it was out of concern for a fellow human being, not because I was romantically interested in you." 
"After I stood up for you? Told that customer to stop making a scene about your stupid lie?" 
Da-Xia got to her feet. "I see how it is; you think you're some nice guy, some hero, someone worthy of attention simply because you go slightly out of your way to help others." 
"I am a nice guy!"
"If you only act nice and chivalrous with the hopes that it will get some girl to go out with you and then throw a tantrum when she doesn't return your affections, then you're not a nice guy; you're just a jerk." 
"Doesn't sound like you're much of a prize either, considering you've done this whole thing twice before and still don't have a boyfriend. You're such a child, you should be grateful I even agreed to go out with you." 
"Again, this isn't a date," Da-Xia snarled. "Don't patronize me to soothe your wounded ego." 
She turned to leave, hoping to avoid putting herself in a situation where she would lose her temper. Just get back to her stall and act like none of this ever happened. 
Cheng Liu rolled his eyes. "If you don't want attention, don't lie and act like a desperate whore." 

Those sitting closest to the pair grew quiet, Cheng Liu having made sure his comment wouldn't go unheard by Da-Xia as she tried to get away. She could feel her heart racing and the stares of other customers were worse here than in the market. What could she possibly say that wouldn't make things worse? Poetry wasn't an option this time. 
Or was it? 
Da-Xia spun around with a poisonous smile. "I almost forgot; you asked for a poem about rejection, didn't you?" 
Cheng Liu seemed caught off guard. "Uh..." 
She didn't give him a chance to reply. She found an empty table nearby and climbed up on top of it, standing above the crowd. She had the attention of the whole room now. 
"Hope you've got your books on you, smart guy, you're gonna want to write this one down," she announced, addressing Cheng Liu. 
He looked very uncomfortable now that he was clearly associated with the woman standing on a  table in the middle of a pub.  

"You thought she was pretty fine 
But she didn't dig 
I'd call you a swine 
But then I'd insult a pig 
You gave her a smile 
Which she didn't return 
So you got hostile 
But you didn't learn."

Da-Xia paused to gather her thoughts as other customers in the pub started pounding a steady beat. Taking a deep breath and brandishing a wide grin, she launched into the next stanza of her poem. 

"You've got the act perfected 
You're such a nice guy 
But then you got rejected 
And it's no wonder why
So thanks for the chat
But you're kind of a jerk
I'm not a doormat
So your tricks didn't work." 

The pounding turned into thunderous applause as she took a short bow, indicating that she was done. She began looking for a way to get off the table in a dignified manner and was greeted by a man offering her a hand. She took it, jumped down, and thanked him for his assistance. The room was alive with chatter as she approached Cheng Liu with confidence. 
"You didn't have to humiliate me in front of everyone," he muttered gruffly. 
Da-Xia gave him a condescending smile. "Well, if you don't want attention, don't lie and act like a desperate whore." 
"You can't just-" 
"Go cry about it." 
She left money on the table to pay for her tea before striding out of the pub with her head held high. 

***

Despite Da-Xia's stellar performance in the pub, not everyone who heard it was a big fan. Cheng Liu was no idiot, and neither were those he frequently associated with. This meant that she had a lost a bit of her reputation with some of the students at the university, and some of the rumors weren't pleasant. She supposed improvising poetry to make fun of someone while standing on a table in the middle of a pub was pretty easy to twist into something much more irrational and unpleasant, but if Cheng Liu wanted to further prove her point by lying about what had happened, he was more than welcome to give her that satisfaction. Besides, it had gained her a few new customers from those who had either been present while she was dissing the scholar or who had heard about it from someone else who witnessed what really happened. She wasn't going to be liked by everyone, and that was okay; as long as she had a business doing what she loved, that's what mattered. Not to mention that she had opened a new window of opportunity with improvising poetry for a crowd rather than just selling them on slips of paper. 

Da-Xia gave a curious look to a woman that approached her stall whilst checking over her shoulders frequently, as though she was making sure she wasn't seen by someone in particular. She leaned against the counter anxiously and cupped a hand over her mouth.
"I heard you might be able to help me poetically turn someone down..." the woman mumbled.
Da-Xia grinned. "You have definitely come to the right place, lady." 

{For some reason it took me WAY longer than it should have to compose Cheng Liu's poem, I just couldn't find a way to construct the words I wanted to use in a way that fit. As a side note, if you say the poem to the rhythm of "We Will Rock You", it should work pretty well. Having Da-Xia essentially slam poetry roast Cheng Liu was to make up for the fact that I couldn't make Wu-peng beat box while Da-Xia rapped in the last chapter because I couldn't make it work (and it didn't fit the right narrative). I like to think that Da-Xia would get along well with the Boy Band from chapter 17, she could help them come up with lyrics for their songs and it would be amazing. Anyways, hope Cheng Liu was sufficiently roasted enough for y'all, I had fun letting Da-Xia go savage on him. Also wanted to mess with how Da-Xia is probably perceived by others a bit more, and someone like Cheng Liu was perfect for twisting her reputation in certain social settings}