make me stay.

thirtyone

♜

with a knock on the door, a maid addressed herself from the other side. her words were muffled due to the thick wood she was speaking through, but my heart still reacted.

i met belle's eyes, telling him to open the door. i found my spot in the window frame again, watching belle great the servant.

"i have ben instructed to call, miss maire-grace, to the dinning hall." the maid speaks in the open door. i can't see her, but her voice is more clear now. my stomach twists. it seems impossible to just focus on one thing at a time in this castle. i couldn't imagine being in mercer's shoes. north's.

belle glanced over his shoulder with a frown, as i jumped down from the frame. with a deep sigh i neared the two. "it is just training for the ball," i tell him, as i walk through the door. belle follows suit behind the maid and i, as she leads us towards the dinning hall. belle had just recently been hired so he would know even less than i about the confusing ways of getting around in here.

the double doors were puled open by two guards that stood watch, and the hall came into view. it was beautiful with candles lit everywhere, ensuring that not a corner was shadowed. only two seats had been prepared, however. every other seat around many of the oval tables inside the hall stood without a cloth, plates, cutlery or glasses.

zavia stood next to the one table that had been prepared, and we each took our seat. belle found a spot closer to the wall where he could observe.

"you seem worried," zavia said, as she taught me how to arrange the cutlery. she didn't look up as she spoke, too busy with one of the forks. i didn't reply. i mean, what would i say? yes, i am worried. i can't seem to leave this castle even when the chance in right in front of my nose. to make it even worse, now two out of four of the people who cared most for me in the world were stuck here as well. one of them likely dead by the end of the week if i didn't figure out my way around this horrible place.

every wall had been carved into beautiful sculptures as well as the ceilings. i mean, this place truly was beautiful, but it was cold and quiet. the last conversation between mercer and i, he had said that it would be best if we kept our distance and maybe he was right. as much as it hurt to hear, i couldn't deny that fact that this castle scared me. the responsibility that came with it, certainly did not help either.

if we were to look at the facts, it would be idiotic, to think that we could ever make it work. he left me and found comfort in other females. the hurt that it brought me to not know if he was as messed up after losing me as i was him, it only doubled when i realized that the race hadn't even been closed. i was in the lead by far, and why? i would probably never know.

even my friends came running as soon as they heard that i was in his presence again. why? because every single person that even knew me slightly believed that i needed to be save. that i couldn't stand up for myself and be the one to step away from him, this time around.

"i'm overwhelmed, but i am dealing with everything," i finally reply, looking up towards her. a smile shows on her lips. "as a queen would," she says.

i quickly glance back down, having completely forgotten about that part. the part that i needed to fulfil soon. my god, my heart could pop every second by now.

"when i was being prepped for my role of a lady for the queen, i was terrified." zavia says. i can't look up, i can't meet her eyes, but her words are calm and soothing despite addressing a topic i would love to throw in the gutter. "i had never even come close to meeting any royalty, let alone having the responsibility of knowing what to do, when they didn't."

"luckily, you were one of four, then." i mumble, mimicking how she is folding her napkin.

"i did not feel lucky, maire-grace." zavia's tone harshens a bit. "in fact, i was so paranoid that my mother took my hands and sat me down. she told me that i had been chosen for a reason. the mark on my neck proved that. she needed to knock some sense into me." her eyes glistens, and i watch as she prides in her work. the corners she folds on the napkins gets sharper as she speeds up the process and i struggle to follow along.

it seems as was zavia trying to do the same thing to me: knock some sense into my little spiral of worries.

"she told me that learning and changing would never be the same act. learning to fit into your future is a requirement for all in unfamiliar situations. changing to fit your future would only have consequences."

finally, i meet her eyes. she looks at me softly, knowing her words are hurting. necessary, but hurtful.

"what if i can't tell if i'm learning or changing?" i ask.

"are you learning new approaches to your life, or are you learning to change what you have already been taught?" she leaned back in her seat, and we both knew the answer to her question.

i swallowed some spit that had gathered into the size of an apple. my throat remained dry, however, as i continued to take in deep breaths. normally, i would have run away from a situation like this, but as was proved in aeston, i couldn't leave, even if i was screamed at to do so.

mercer had so much to apologize to me for, but i doubted that he would ever even realise what he had done to me. he had sucked out every ounce of colour within me, but i had let him. we both stood at fault, and he was just doing what he needed to do for his kingdom.

when we finished the training on how to probably eat during the dinner, belle escorted me away. i needed to find bexley as she was the only person in this castle i believed would know where wesley was being held. she also wouldn't tell on me, which is why i needed her exactly.

perhaps, i could have asked harry, but despite keeping his mouth shut, he wouldn't give me the location. he knew exactly what my plan was, and his loyalty stood with his king. perhaps, a fork or two would set him in his place but locating the kitchen would be a whole new ordeal i did not have time for.