make me stay.

fourteen

♜

"second door on your left," 

it was late when harry had been instructed to led me to my temporary room in the castle. it was a floor up from the level the office was placed on, and i had officially lost count of levels in the castle. a million, at least. 

passing by a few windows, i noticed that the sun was lingering behind the tree crowns outside, so, maybe late wasn't the right word anymore. it was early now, and i still hadn't slept, and i didn't feel the need to close my eyes even a minute. 

my mind was overworking, trying to process every single word having been spoken to or near me in the last two days, and it an easy task. 

"thank you, harry."  i swallowed, forcing out an appreciation towards the man in front of me. i opened the door, noticing how this room did have a lock on both sides in difference to the first room i had woken up in. that memory felt years away. 

i stepped in, and while trying to find the light, harry had followed behind me, but it didn't come into my attention before he closed the door behind him. 

i lit a match, lighting up the lamp standing on a dresser close by, watching the room quickly fill with dark orange colours. 

"i noticed that bexley called you by name in the entrance hall earlier," he speaks, and i sigh, relieved. for a short moment, i feared his plans, but it seemed that he was the one who feared my own plans. 

"she did," i nod, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "i chose to hide in her room by coincidence, but she was waiting company from a 'harry', whom i obviously wasn't. she seemed to catch on quickly,"

i smile at him, which triggers him to straighten out his posture. despite looking confident and unbothered he clears his throat before replying, and his tone fits less with his overall look; "has she..." he pauses, before pulling his head up, meeting my eyes in a stare. "what do you know, maire-grace?" 

"not much, harry." i reply simply. i really didn't. it surely had been confirmed that he was the harry, but she hadn't said much about him, and i was expecting him to do the same regarding her. 

"north, or anyone for that matter, cannot know." he tells me, not letting the stare break. 

the name sounded strange. north. i had never known he had had a middle name, but then again, there was apparently a lot of things about him that i hadn't known. i still had many questions yet to be answered, and i think he had too, but at this time of night, we had agreed that whatever we would figure out, wouldn't be useful. so, i let harry lead me out and towards any other room where i could be alone, and think all of this over.

"then it must be awfully frustrating that the one person in this entire castle you do not know, knows your secret." i smile again, crossing my leg over the other. 

"emmanuel expects it will show as a benefit that north and you have a shared history. he knows you, so there should not be any difficulties, or at least, it should be easier since you are not a completely stranger to him." harry speaks, losing my eyes to glance out the window. "with previous kings, they needed months, years even, to place unconditional trust in their partner. in their queen," he glances back, meeting my eyes on the word 'queen' before looking back. a shiver runs up my spine by the uncomfortable word being placed on the top of my head before a crown could be. 

"that time should be significantly shortened with you. but of course, what emmanuel hadn't expected that we as well, needed to trust you." 

i lay down on the bed. he needed to trust me, like bexley did. not that he had much of a choice. "i don't see much choice in this," i speak. "you have to trust that i will keep your secret quiet," 

"will you?" he asks. fair question. 

"i've had a similar secret with someone you would know, so yes. love isn't decided by a letter, i've always hated the rules of the mountain. mercer can account for that," i nod a single time as he looks at me. 

"north," he corrects, causing me to frown. "king north. you should get used to that name,"

"i prefer mercer," i defend my choice.  

"he doesn't." 

it took me around two hours to finally accept that i couldn't sleep. my mind was awake, my fingers as restless as the rest of me, while my stare wandered around the sky outside of the open window. 

cool air was blowing in slowly, refreshing the walls every once in a while, while the moonlight lit up the white colour they bore. 

my blinks were heavy, exhausted even, but my eyes never stayed closed for long. it almost felt as if my eyes were searching for something. 

searching for colour. 

but everything was exactly as grey as it had ever been, perhaps even darker than before. 

i remembered back to the younger me, the person i had grown away from, remembering how easy it had all been. happiness wasn't a requirement, excitement was all it took to satisfy me as a child. as long as something new happened every day, and as long as my parents were there when i got home so i could tell them about it, everything was a good as i could wish for. 

the world no longer seemed as magical as it had been back then. 

back then when my life was my own. back then when i didn't think of my life as half of the life we had together. back then when my happiness came from every aspect of my life instead of a set of blue eyes. 

in a way, i don't want to get up. i actually don't want to move at all. but i do. i strain myself, getting up from the bed i was laying in. i had been given a change of clothes and a few pieces to keep me warm. every single cube of this place was freezing, even standing in front of a fireplace. 

i pulled a thick sweater over my head, as an extra lawyer, before making my way out into the halls in socks. a few tears were running down my cheeks, but so slow that i could manage to catch them all before they fell off my chin. my eyes were red, i hadn't checked, but they always got dark when i cried. my nose was runny, partly from the cold, and partly from the overwhelming stress i felt because of this entire situation. 

i quickly found the staircase and followed it down a few floors, before a smell caught my nose. i turned my head, feeling how my legs moved the way that led towards the smell and occasional clink of metal, before i set my eyes on an open kitchen space. 

every horizontal surface was black marble, every cupboard a matte black. all in all, most of it was a darker colour, something you would completely miss in the darkness, but a light had been lit and placed next to a bowl on one of the countertops. 

a man was standing facing the countertops that had been put up against the wall, with his back turned towards me. he was cutting something up into cubes, not hearing me in the slighest. 

"not exactly a fit time for a snack," i speak, before remembering that this man hadn't even heard me entering, and it was the middle of the night. 

he turns around, throwing the knife in his hand in the exact same instant, purely as a reaction to my words. i turn my entire body to the side, thanking my father mentally for continuing to throw wood pieces at me for months before i learned to react fast enough to move out of their way.

the knife flies back, piercing through the wall previously behind me, before piercing through with the tip. my eyes are wide as i meet his, and surprisingly he doesn't looked shocked in the slighest. 

"don't do that again, or i won't miss," he tells me, his flat tone making the words spoken even more cold. 

"excuse me?" i reply, taking a step forward. "i just saved you from the title of a murderer," 

"actually, you didn't," he replies after a moment of silent that had seemed to last forever, and then a few decades.