Village of Smoke (Connie x Fem Reader)

Chapter 15; The Revisit

Tonight was bad again...

Training and improving your titan abilities seemed to be all you were doing these days, and despite everyone's protests, you still didn't feel like you were getting it right.

As you were sitting alone by the window of your dorm, you found yourself going back to your old habits of self-doubt. Were you even deserving of being here? How come you got the right to live on if you can't even fulfil your new purpose...

Faces started flashing in your mind again like they used to, one by one they all showed themselves like ghosts of the past, weighing down your shoulders and turning your head heavy. Despite the many faces you've never felt so alone. The dark night lurking outside your window didn't help with the lonely feeling either. It was like the world was erased and you sat there as the last person on earth. However at the point where it usually becomes so much you start clawing at your own flesh for some kind of relief, Connie's face popped up.

You tore your prying fingers away from your other hand to grip a firm hold of the windowsill. For what seems like the first time, your gruesome images stopped on their own, interrupted by something good. Something pure. Connie's sweet and funny smile, spreading enough light to brighten the darkest of tunnels.

That's right... You weren't alone. Connie's still here, and he lost everyone too. Seeing how happy he gets whenever he's around you, god it's like seeing him like he was as a kid; spotting you running towards his house through the glas of his window. How can you even think of doing something that could hurt him? You're suffering, but he is too. You didn't want that for him, he had suffered enough.

Your body moved before your brain could even register it, making its way down the dim halls with hurried steps. You didn't stop to think before your knuckles had made contact with the wooden door, and a surprised Connie suddenly stood there to greet you.

He opened his mouth to speak, but before he had the chance to utter a single sound your body crashed into his, clinging onto him like it was the last time.

"What—"

"I'm sorry", you whispered. He was hesitant in his movements, trying his best to understand what was going on, but his arms found their way back around you quickly.

"Sorry? What are you apologising for? You haven't done anything, stupid", he said letting out a confused chuckle.

'Exactly'

"I'm just sorry", you repeated, not daring to elaborate further. He needed no more burdens in his life. You couldn't see it from where your cheek was pressed against his chest, but Connie was furrowing his brows, trying hard to understand the situation and decipher your apology. He lowered his head to where his nose touched the top of your head. But as you said no more, he could sense that was all he was going to get, so he just tightened his hold on you, speaking softly into your hair.

"Well, it's okay, whatever it is you're sorry for... Don't stress about it, okay?". He was so sincere, so careful, it almost hurt listening to his soft murmur.

"Okay", you repeated in a whisper, however just as heartfelt.

~

The following morning you and Connie sat atop each your horses, heading towards your village. You had visited it times before, and the first time was a sombre experience to say the least. Seeing the crumbled remains of your childhood home, noting the distinct four holes in the roof and walls, set alight a different kind of aching pain in your heart. Once you reached the spot you could remember seeing Walter so gruesomely pass, you couldn't help but stop; unable to do anything but sob as Connie stood by watching with a pained look in his eyes.