just for us | one-shots

After parties

"I just don't feel the same"

That was one of the many things she said to me that day. I can't help but replay those words over and over again in hopes that someday they won't hurt as much. It is a funny feeling this we call bitterness. You try to go through things to relieve pain and somehow only more pain is brought up. 

She was all I could think about even years after our breakup. I was just never the same. Even my long waited transfer to Washington DC felt bittersweet. We had plans to move there together before we could move somewhere else and have kids. I guess I'm just bad at healing...

"I'm not even gonna ask you what did you think of this one because your face says it all." Amana was on facetime with me showing me apartments close to my work there in DC so could have a place to move right away, but nothing was giving me all I wanted. "What was it this time? The kitchen counter?" She had an annoyed expression.

"How did you know?"

"You only like kitchens with an isle, this one doesn't have one. Sienna, I've been looking for places for you for over a month now, I know what you want, this was my last hope, so listen up. Come, either way, stay with me for as long as you need, just please come already. You can go visit everywhere yourself and, I don't know, feel the energy or whatever you do. Just please stop stalling." She looked even more annoyed as I signed heavily considering the offer. "I've been here for more than five years now, we never crossed."

She was talking about Nina, of course.

"That's not the reason, I don't even know if she actually moved to DC."

"Just come, love... You're wasting your time, and mine for that matter" There was a brief silence but I signed heavily agreeing and we stayed on the call to adjust my living arrangements with her.

Amana was my best friend, my soul sister. We were the same person, that's why we understood each other so well.

Nina would not feel comfortable with you moving in with Amana.

I still have these thoughts as if part of Nina was still with me. As if we were still together. That is no longer my concern, she fucked me up. 

****

"Get wine for me and whatever you want to drink before going home, I'm bringing food. We need to talk." Amana... Always so sweet. I agreed and we hung up. After work, I passed by a store I came to quite enjoy after these 3 weeks here in DC. The alcohol was good and the attendees were very nice. I got wine and some fancy shit to make some drinks for me, today was a good day at work, I deserved it.

After coming home and getting ready on the couch, we opened the bottle and as I was making my drink Amana started talking.

"You need to be seated, I don't trust you with glass around you for this"

"Why? What happened?" I was excited about whatever it was, gossip is my guilty pleasure. I finished making my drink and sat beside her on the couch.

"I bumped into Nina today" My excitement gave place to excruciating angst and anger.

"What?"

"She was buying something at a Starbucks and she recognized me"

"So you talked?" I was getting more nervous by the second

"She came to me, what was I supposed to do?" There was a brief pause. "Sienna, it was the most awkward and uncomfortable conversation of my entire life, you don't get it." I took a very large sip of my drink. "She asked me how I was and all that bullshit, I never asked anything back because, frankly, I'm not interested, but she kept on talking and of course eventually she asked me about you."