Becoming Kennedy

7- Hotel

During the uber ride, I was trying so hard to be confident. Losing your virginity isn't such a big deal. At least, that's what I try to tell myself.

Luke's hand rests on my thigh, making me feel like there's fireworks in my veins. One guy should not make me feel this way. Especially one I barely know.

"You know, I respect you for what you said back there." I'm dragged from my thoughts by Luke's voice. "What did I say?" Luke laughs a little, "About you having standards, and not wanting to have a sloppy hookup." He shrugs, "I think that's cool. You seem like a pretty cool girl. Self confidence, and self respect is refreshing."

Oh God, he thinks I'm cool.

I don't really know what to say, so I just smile. I am self confident, but I'm currently questioning my self respect. How sleazy is it to lose your virginity to a random guy, band member or not, in a hotel room, just because you want to be liked by someone?

"So." Luke leans over, his lips ghosting over my neck, "Tell me about yourself." He plants a quick kiss on my, now burning, skin, and I sigh, "Well....I'm from Colorado." He pulls away with a laugh, "We've established that. Tell me more."

"Do you engage all of your conquests in small talk?" The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. Shit. That was rude. Apologize, Kennedy.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to sound rude." Luke's crystal blue eyes scan me, "No. I like how you speak your mind." His fingers trace shapes on my thigh, "And to answer your question, no. I don't even usually take them to a hotel." I'm well aware that he's not taken his eyes off of me, "But you're different. You're more than just makeup and fake eyelashes."

As soon as he said those words, I had an honest-to-God light bulb moment. Luke Hemmings. Tall, blonde, and beautiful.Guitarist and vocalist in a huge band. Girls throwing themselves at him left and right. He could have any girl he wanted, any time, any where. But he doesn't want that. When you're at the top of the food chain, and everything is given to you, you don't want what's given. You want something that you have to work for.

"I get it." Luke's brow furrows in confusion, "What? You get what?" Realizing that I've just spoken my thought aloud, I shrug it off, "Nothing. I'm sorry, I was just thinking to myself."

"You think a lot for a groupie." Before I can bite my tongue, I snap back, "I'm not a groupie. I'm Kennedy." This time, I'm not even worried about sounding rude.

"Right. Kennedy. I'm sorry. I just thought since you were hanging out with Abigail and company, you were in on their groupie thing." He smirks, "That is why you're coming back to my hotel, right?"

Right. The sex. He wants sex. Fuck. Here I am, thinking that we could be a cute couple, and have a nice little relationship, and send each other good night and good morning texts, but no. He just wants the sex, Kennedy. Get a grip.

The driver pulls up in front of the hotel, Luke tips him, and exits the car before opening the door for me.

I grab onto his offered hand, and try not to let mine shake. If anxiety doesn't kill me, the nerves will. I don't even know why I'm so anxious. It's like, he just wants sex, but I'm all worried about how I look, and if I'll be any good, and if he'll still want to talk to me afterwards.

As we enter the hotel, and get into the elevator, I can feel my blood pressure rising. Half of me wants to just get this over with, but half of me wants to break down and cry. Why did I think this was a good idea?

One minute I'm totally confident that I can do this, and the next I'm not so sure. It's like I've made two Kennedys, and right now, I don't know which one to be.