Becoming Kennedy

17- XOXO Gossip Girl

I can't believe I did that.

I can not believe I did that!

Honestly what was I thinking? I cheated on Luke.

Well actually, I don't know if it qualifies as cheating.  Can you cheat on someone you're not even dating?

That doesn't matter.  The point is I did something I know Luke probably wouldn't like.  But at the same time, I did if for Luke.  This was all so confusing, I have no idea how to process what's going on in my mind.

I get home and collapse onto my bed.  Thank god it's Friday, and I can spend all day tomorrow locked in my room.  Even though it's only 7 o'clock, I pass out the second my head hits the pillow. I'm probably exhausted from carrying all my lies with me.  They were really starting to weigh me down.

I wake up to the sound of the doorbell ringing.  And ringing.  And ringing some more.  I look at my bedside clock and see that it's almost noon. That means I slept for about seventeen hours.

Holy shit.

I run downstairs to answer the door, remembering that my brother Wyatt had a football game today.  Fortunately, my parents didn't wake me up to go.  I earned that sleep, I deserved it.

I check myself in the mirror before answering, this has become a habit of mine since Ethan's little surprise visit.  As I assumed, I look like absolute shit.

The messy bun would have been an upgrade from what my hair looks like now.  It's sticking up everywhere and it's all bunched to the right side, even though I don't have a hair tie in.  It's also greasy as hell.  I have drool crusted onto the side of my mouth and pillow indents all over my face and body.  Not to mention I probably smell horrendous.  Fuck beauty sleep, there was nothing beautiful about me and I had slept half my day away.

I don't even bother examining my pajamas because there was no way they could be worse than my face.  I mutter an apology to whoever it is behind the door, and begin to open it.

To my horror, I see Luke standing on my doorstep , looking cuter than ever.  He had on black vans, black skinny jeans with rips in the knees, a maroon snapback (whale noises), and a black tank top that had,  "Destroy yourself and see who gives a fuck." written down the front.  

Thank god my parents weren't home because I don't think they would be too impressed with his shirt.  Not that Luke would care, of course.

"Hey there sleeping beauty!"  He says with a laugh.  I'm still horrified that he's seeing me like this.  I would be horrified if anyone saw me like this.  

"Are you going to invite me in, or are you just going to stand there?"  Without saying a word, I motion for him to come in and follow me.  I walk us up to my room and then just stand in the doorway awkwardly.  "Everything good princess?" Oh my God he called me princess.  Oh wait, right, Sleeping Beauty.

Finally I manage to generate sound.  "Yeah, I'm swell.  Could you just excuse me for one quick second."  I try to sound calm but the second I'm out of sight I am sprinting to the bathroom.  I stand in front of the mirror and I finally see what I'm wearing.

I have on an oversized rugby shirt I got at a goodwill in Boulder, and per Stella's recommendation, a pair of panties.  But not cute Victoria's Secret ones with lace and flowers, oh no that would be too good for me.  Instead they are a pair of baby blue Hanes that came in a pack of three that I got at Target.  I'm wearing literal granny panties.  Luke didn't even have to say hi and I'm already in my underwear!  Fucking perfect.

But there's nothing I can do about that right now so instead I focus on my face.  I still have pillow creases on my face and arms but I guess those are there to stay, but I'm stubborn so I try to cover them up with concealer anyway.  I get them to fade a little bit and move on to the next thing, my eyes.  They're squinty and a little bloodshot and I have huge boogers in my ducts.  I am seriously disgusting.