Becoming Kennedy

14- Abigail's Assasination

It was six thirty when the doorbell rang.  I was a little pissed that Stella was so early.  The sleepover wasn't until eight, and I was in the middle of a really good episode of Daredevil.  Of course, if anyone asked, I would say I spent all afternoon binge watching Gossip Girl.  Chuck and Blair are soooooo my OTP.

I'm about to open the door when I remember what I'm wearing.  I look down in horror at my oversized broncos T-shirt and my candy hearts boxers.  I look in the mirror by the entry way and examine my rats nest of a messy bun and my makeup-less face. This is not going to go over well.

I tentatively open the door and wait for my judgement, but it isn't Stella who's on my doorstep.

It's Ethan.

"Hey, sorry I didn't call.  I just...I needed to see you.  I wanted to know what I did wrong."  He's rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, and avoiding eye contact. He's so uncomfortable- it's adorable.

I let out a sigh, grab his hand, and lead him up the stairs to my room.  I make sure to close the door behind us so my little brother doesn't interrupt.  I sit Ethan down on the bed, but keep his hand in mine.

"Ethan, you didn't do anything wrong, my life is just a little complicated right now.  I have a lot on my plate and I don't want to drag you into it.  I promise it's not your fault."  He is still looking down when I finish talking.  I give his hand a little squeeze, hoping it'll comfort him a bit.  I'm really bad at showing affection, so I always get really awkward when one of my friends is upset.

Honestly, my first instinct is to pat him on the head and say, "No, no upset, please." I'm one of the least comforting people I know.

"Who was that other guy at the party? He seemed pretty into you."  I almost didn't hear him, he was talking in a whisper.  He finally brings his eyes to meet mine.  He seems so hurt.  I honestly feel terrible.

But who was he to get upset when he ran off with Stella?  I don't feel so guilty once I remember what I had learned earlier.

"What do you care if I'm with another guy?  You can always go cry to Stella about it." Ethan looks shocked.  "She told me this afternoon.  You two seem like you really hit it off."  It's quiet for a bit, neither one of us knowing what to say.

"Stella isn't you, but Stella was there when you weren't."  This was true. But that's not fair to put on me!  Ethan wasn't even invited to that party, and I've been trying so hard to keep my two lives separate.  It's not entirely unjustified that I wasn't jumping at the chance to be there for him when he basically blind sided me.

"I would pick you over Stella any day."  I soften a little at this.  I may be mad, but I still feel guilty.  I look at Ethan, and he looks back at me.  It is seriously like looking at a kicked puppy, and I can't stand it.  I need to fix it, but I don't know how.

Ethan's eyes start to well up, and I'm pretty sure he's about to cry.

I can not, under any circumstances, handle crying.  I put my spare hand on his cheek.  "Hey, shhh it's okay.  Ethan please don't cry.  Everything is fine I promise."  A tear falls down his cheek.  I can't handle it anymore.  I move my hand to his curls, and pull him close to me.

Before I can think about it, I put my lips on his.  He seems surprised, and honestly so am I.  

I really need to stop doing this, it's not going to make anything easier.

What started out as a soft kiss to keep him from crying quickly turns into something else.  Next thing I know, we're lying down on the bed, Ethan's on top of me, and the kiss is anything but soft.