Becoming Kennedy

11- My "virgin thing"

My clock reads 11:00 AM, and Luke still isn't here.  I told him to come over at ten o'clock.  I sit at the table, and prepare to send him a text, but as soon as I unlock my phone, I hear a knock at the door.

I walk over, and open it to see tall, broad, messy-haired Luke.  It's crazy how many pornographic scenes I can make up in my head involving this boy.  For the moment though, I try to push them away.

"You're late."  Luke removes his sunglasses, and steps inside, "I thought you said eleven."  I decide to ignore his lame excuse, and get straight to business, "I didn't tell them anything.  I told them I was too tired to discuss it."  Luke sits across from me at the table, and nods his head, "Well they're going to want to get together again soon.  If we don't have to talk about it before the next get together, we won't."  He shrugs, "But if we do, we tell them we went back to the hotel and fucked."

He was so blunt, it was a little hard to get used to.

I run my hand through my hair, "And if they press for details?"  Luke shrugs again, "Just tell them it was basic.  Explain basic sex."  I can feel my cheeks heating up, and apparently it shows, because Luke's eyes widen.  "Oh.  That's right.  Your virgin thing."

My 'virgin thing'.

"Uh, in that case, just tell them you were too drunk to really remember.  I'll make something up if anyone asks."  Slightly relieved, but not feeling much better, I nod, "Thanks."  Luke looks at the time, and then back at me, "Are you doing anything?"  My heart races, which is silly, because I don't even know what he's going to say next.  "No, sorry.  I have plans with someone."

Ethan and I had decided to hang out again today, despite the fact that our first date ended only hours beforehand.  I couldn't wait to see him again.  Luke's eyebrow twitches, and he messes with his lip ring, "Who?"

"This guy called Ethan.  He's from my school."  Luke's smirk reappears as he stands up, "So you're like, dating him?"  I laugh shortly, but a blush begins to creep onto my cheeks.  "No.  I don't even know what we're doing."  Which wasn't technically a lie. We went on a date, but that doesn't mean we're dating.  Right?  

Luke walks over to my chair, and twirls some of my hair in his fingers, "If we're going to make this work, you can't see other guys."

"I thought I was your groupie, not your girlfriend."  Luke's blue eyes narrow, "Yeah, so if you're my groupie, you can't be fucking other guys.  You see how Abigail and the rest of the girls treat us.  They treat us like idols, we're the light of their lives. They would never even think of being with someone else."  

I stand up, and throw my hands up, "I'm not fucking him!  I'm just hanging out with him!"  Luke's smirk makes him look five thousand times hotter.  It's insane.  "But you want to."  How can he read me this well already!  I look down at my hands, and start to play with my nails.  "I never said that." I mutter, refusing to make eye contact.

Luke just laughs and continues with what he was saying.

"I was just going to ask if you wanted to get something to eat."  I'm suddenly aware that I hadn't eaten breakfast this morning.  I shrug, "I really could go for a burger."  I don't know what's up with this craving.

Luke squints his eyes, "Pescetarian?"  I roll my eyes, figuring he should know the truth, "That's bullshit.  I enjoy burgers."  At this rate, everyone in the school will know.  That's fine.  

"What have you told me about yourself that isn't bullshit?" he asks coldly.  His eyes narrow, and he folds his arms across his chest.  This comment cut a little bit.  This was all still a sensitive subject seeing as I didn't even know who I was anymore.

"You know what Luke? On second thought maybe it's best that you leave."  I take his arm and start to lead him out the door.  Just as I'm closing it, Luke puts his foot out to stop it.  "Kennedy wait." I reopen the door and look at him impatiently.

He lets out a deep sigh, and runs his fingers through his hair in frustration.  He finally brings his eyes to meet mine, and all the aggression is gone from them.  "That wasn't a fair comment to make.  I'm sorry.  Actually, I'm sorry about everything I've done so far.  I've been kind of a dick."

I only nod my head because I don't know what to say. He takes my silence as a cue to keep talking.  "I understand it's tough when you move, especially to LA, but I feel like I'm entitled to be at least a little bit upset.  I meet a lot of fake people here with bad intentions, and when I met you, I thought you were different.  Then it turns out that you weren't just feeding me lies, you're lying to everyone!  Hell, you're even lying to yourself."  His voice gets louder at the end, and I can tell he's getting upset.  I take his hand in mine and start to rub circles in his palm to help him calm down.

He finally takes a deep breath and continues.  His voice soft and kind this time, "That doesn't excuse my actions though, and I shouldn't have been so rude the other night in the hotel.  What those girls were going to have you do is kind of terrible.  And I know I went along with it, but that's only because I thought I had your consent."  He pauses and breaks eye contact.  Looking down, he starts to fiddle with his hands...nervously?  "I'm not sure why you want to be friends with them so badly, but if it really is that important to you, I just wanted you to know that your secret is safe with me."

This was a side of Luke I never expected to see.  His eyes went from ice, to a soft baby blue, a blush began to appear on to his cheeks, his voice lost it's edge, and his intimidating confidence melted into what could only be described as vulnerable awkwardness.  It was actually cute and endearing, and it made me think.  Maybe I wasn't the only one putting on an act.

Without waiting for a response, Luke turns to leave my doorstep. "Luke, wait!" He turns around on the steps and looks at me expectantly.  I run down to where he is, and look up into his eyes.  "Thank you. That means a lot." I say in my most sincere voice possible.  We just stand there for a few moments until something comes over me.  I put one hand on his left cheek and place a small kiss on his right one.  Without waiting for a response, I turn and run back into my house, closing the door behind me.

I slide down my door and onto the floor, my heart still beating rapidly from what I just did.

It wasn't a big deal, it was a kiss on the cheek.  I had seen his dick before for God's sake!  Why did a kiss on the cheek have me so flustered?

I look down and see that it's almost 11:30, Ethan is getting me in thirty minutes, and I'm still in my pajamas.

Ethan.

Luke.

I'm so confused, I can't even begin to process.  I look around to make sure that my family wasn't coming through the door.  I'm so flustered I just want to shout:

"FUCK!"  

I yell out as loud as I can. I sit in silence while it echos through the empty halls until finally, it's silent again.

What am I going to do?

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Yo bros sorry for the late updates, I was hella sick. But that means a double update yayyy!