May We Meet Again - Bellarke -

Victory

-Bellamy-

Only 5 hours had passed since marching our people back to Camp yet it felt more like 5 days since. Our perimeters remained secure. All around camp spirits were higher than ever. Finally, a sense of calm and happiness had settled amongst our people. Our Camp was the fullest and happiest it had ever been. Yet I had never felt so alone.

We had rescued our people from Mount Weather. Victory was ours but the price of our victory was high. Too many lives had been lost. We should have saved more. We should have found another way. There had been no other way though. We had done what we had to do, to survive, to get our people back.

The discussion to push the lever to irradiate all of Mount Weather had been our toughest discussion yet. Innocent lives had been lost, the lives of children and of those who had risked their lives to protect us. When Clarke and I pushed that lever we exposed them too but if we hadn't we would all be dead instead of them.

There had been no other way to save them, no other way we could have survived. Everything we had done would have been a waste. They would have tortured us. They would have stolen our bone marrow, like they had with the others. We couldn't let that happen. I wouldn't let that happen to them, to my sister. She didn't deserve that. Our people didn't deserve that.

Our people deserved to survive. My sister deserved to survive. I had done so much to protect her. I would always protect her. She was my sister. She was my responsibility. I had pushed that lever for her, for Clarke, for all of our friends, all of our people; and I would do it again if I had to.

I was mentally and physically exhausted, slumped beside the ship watching the happy reunions and celebrations from a far. I didn't feel much like celebrating though, for the one person I wanted to celebrate with had left hours ago.

"I bear it so they don't have to," Clarke's words echoed in my mind. Why couldn't she see that she didn't need to bear this one alone.

We had pulled the lever together. Together we had saved our people. We were a team. Why couldn't she see that we were a team. Why couldn't she see that she didn't need to bear this one alone. Why couldn't she see she wasn't alone. We had pulled the lever together. I was just as guilty as she was. I let my head fall into my hands, feeling frustrated and alone.

"Where's Clarke, I can't find her anywhere?"
I looked up to see Abby stood before me, she looked exhausted but her stance was firm as she demanded, "Bellamy where is she?"

Shaking my head I stood, my eyes pleading with her to understand. I didn't want to be the one to tell her that her daughter had left camp. I'd assumed she'd said goodbye to her mother, like she had to me. Obviously I was wrong.

"Bellamy tell me where my daughter is!" Her voice was laced in authority, it was clear Clarke had inherited that same authority from her.

"What's the matter Abby?" Raven asked as she limped towards us with Wick by her side, looking just as exhausted as Abby. They had both suffered the most. Cage had tortured them both.

"Clarke, have you seen Clarke?" There was desperation in her voice now, it made me grimace.

"Bellamy?" Raven asked confused.

I shook my head again choking out, "She never came in."

Abby's legs buckled beneath her, instinctively my arms caught her before she hit the ground, "How could you let her leave." she accused.

"How could I not," I scowled as I explained, "I tried to convince her to stay, but you know how stubborn Clarke is."

"You should have made her stay!" She spat the words at me, shoving me away, her eyes wild now with worry.

"It's ok Abby. We'll send out a search party. She can't have gone far," Kane offered sternly as he helped her back onto her feet.

"Clarke chose to go. You should respect her decision. She can take care of herself!"

I took their silence as agreement and as my cue to leave. "She'll be back," I muttered as I stalked away, "She'll be back," I repeated to nobody but myself.

Octavia appeared out of nowhere, I wasn't sure if I hugged her or if she hugged me, but it felt good to have my sister so close, to have her safe.

"I hope she doesn't come back," her tone was harsh and laced with hatred.

"How can you say that O. After everything Clarke has done. How can you say that?"

"Because of everything she has done! She let them bomb Tondc Bellamy. She never warned them. She let all those people die."

I hadn't known that but I tried to hide the shock I felt, tried to keep my expression neutral as I mused, "She must have had a reason."

"She claimed she did it for you. To keep you from being discovered at Mount Weather, but I know you'd never have gone along with that."

Clarke's words made more sense now; She was bearing more guilt than I had known and it was all because she had kept me safe inside Mount Weather.

"We have all done things O," I exasperated trying to hide the guilt from my voice.

"Me and her are done Bellamy. I won't condone what she did to Tondc!" She spat the words harshly.

"We have all done things Octavia. I haven't forgotten that Lincoln let the Mountain Men take me. You should remember that before you judge Clarke too harshly," I gazed at her intensely hating how she looked so much like a Grounder with all that stuff around her eyes.

She scowled back at me but didn't challenge me any further, which surprised me. She had grown so much since coming to the ground. She was strong now and she needed to be that way to survive. Lincoln was good for her, even if he had let me down in the tunnels. He was good for her; he made her strong.

Despite my dismay I smiled back at her, "I think we both deserve a drink don't you?" I needed a drink; I needed to stop feeling so guilty. I needed to stop thinking.

We joined the others by the fire. Octavia sat on Lincoln's knee, who nodded at me as he pulled her close. Raven and Wick were sat closely too and I wondered when they had become a thing. With a wavering smile she handed me the Moonshine.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd drank, but I remembered promising Clarke I'd have a drink for her, so with a smile I tipped the liquid back. The Moonshine burned the back of my throat, but it helped to wash away my guilt. It helped me forget how much I wished Clarke was here too.

I watched the flames dance as I continued to toast our victory, trying my best to forget about Clarke and to ignore the few somber faces of Abby and Jasper. All the while I couldn't help but wonder whether my face was just as somber as theirs.

-X-

-AN-

Thanks for reading.

I realize this is slow starting but I'm easing myself into it gradually.

Watch the video link. Its adorable!

XOXO