Half English / Half Cynicism

Ocean View || Poem #10

I once had a dream where I got jumped in Ocean View with my friend

and on the news the headline read

"One shot dead, one almost lost his head"

I was pretty beat and bruised,

yeah,

we got jumped in Ocean View.

Now I'm pretty sure I was left for dead but I don't think you can die in dreams so in this dream I dreamt i lay there on my deathbed with bloody gashes

and as I laid on the pavement with my friend

I turned to her because I felt it was her end

and said

"I love you".

We got jumped in Ocean View.

Now we all know In dreams everything is a hoax but I noticed two ghosts standing kinda close to where I sat and she lay

the first ghost turned to the second with a look of disbelief and said

"It's like he doesn't even remember who I am goddamn this man is slow."

the second looked at me with hell in his eyes heaven knows why but in this dream the theme seemed to be everything weird and new

after I got jumped in Ocean View.

The second ghost approached almost cautiously as if I was the intimidating one

all covered in blood and what he said next cut deeper than the jumpers ever could have.

"You really don't recognize me? Wipe your eyes and try and see,

turn,

look at me.

I was your ability to learn new things.

I gave you more tricks of the trade than Houdini ever played at a ridiculous age

you were so curious. 

You idiot, what did you even use me for?

Could you have used me more?"

I got the strength to respond after addressing my wounds

the wounds I got in Ocean View

and filled with a weird sense of dread I said

"I'm eighteen and I don't know what you want me to do after getting jumped in Ocean View.

You're telling me you gave me tricks?

You gave me bricks with no cement.

You gave me a place to stay with no chance to pay rent,

you gave me so many slaps in the face, peppering in borderline abuse

you gave me a noose and you gave me rafters so what do you want me to do after?

You want me to stay strong and hold on and so on and so on?

Maybe I gave up long ago, you'll never know."

The second ghost stopped me.

"I gave you the gift to speak.

I gave you the gift to be able to express yourself so this shit doesn't happen to anyone else and if you think for a second your words don't matter then out of a fighter and a coward you really are the latter

you selfish prick.

Imagine giving up when the underbrush gets thick.

I know it's getting harder to see.

I know it because this is exactly what happened to me,

except the difference is I didnt listen when I had this lucid dream and these weird looking things came up to me

I was told the same thing.

So what you're gonna do is you're gonna wake up and rub your eyes,

on some days you may cry,

but ultimately you're gonna try and make something of yourself." 

There was an awkward pause before the first ghost crawled over and got straight to the key

that I had the power to control this destiny

create a whole story anew,

and maybe in the next one

I wont get jumped in Ocean View

or have to learn a painful fucking lesson or two.